imconfident

I sincerely believe that it is far more beneficial and far less costly to help a child build confidence than it is to fix an adult who has little or none.

Do you want your child to have good character?

If you want your child to have good character, you have to teach them solid moral values and then live what you teach.  Words are not enough, they don’t always teach children how to have good character.  Your actions can sometimes contradict your words, so you have to be of strong character yourself and teach them by example.

Character can be defined as the way someone thinks, feels, and behaves.  It is someone’s personality and the mental and moral qualities that are built into an individual.

It is important that parents teach their children right from wrong and good from bad.   It is important that they can distinguish appropriate behaviour from inappropriate behaviour.  It is important that they have strong beliefs and build confidence in themselves.  People with strong character are not easily swayed and they will hold steadfast to their beliefs.

An excellent way to help your children build good character is to get them involved in serving others.  Service teaches humility.  Service helps us learn the value of helping others. Service helps people feel good about themselves.  Service has proven to benefit your physical, mental and spiritual health.

But don’t just send your children out to do service by themselves.  Go with them and work beside them.  It makes you a better person and you are setting a wonderful example.

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Beauty

Beauty quote Brenda

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Can Facebook users become nice?

Personally, I don’t think we will ever be able to eliminate bullies and cyber bullies.  However, I do think that educating people can do a lot to help reduce the problem and Arturo Bejar is in agreement with me.

Who is Arturo Bejar?  He is an employee of Facebook and his job is to help teach its users how to be nice to each other and respect their feelings.  Some people may think this is an impossibility but he is actually making some progress.  His team has designed some tools to help people give feedback on any posts or photos that are harmful in any way.  By letting people know that their feelings have been hurt, users have been removing posts.

Social media certainly has its bad points as anything else in life, but it also has a good side.  Being able to send messages, express our thoughts and share pictures is a wonderful way to keep in touch with our families and friends as long as we don’t use it to harm other people or become so immersed in social media that we forget there is a real world out there.

We have to remember that when we are typing a message into a computer screen or cell phone, it is easy to take the human component out of our thoughts.   We can’t see the shock or pain in someone’s eyes.  We can’t see a tear running down their face.  We can’t read their body language.  We can’t hear a sigh or see them fall to the ground in complete despair when they read cruel words or see damaging pictures.  We are not connecting with each other on a human level and we lose our compassion.

When we send a message or picture, we should always make sure that we are not hurting anyone in any way.  Ask yourself these questions:

  • How would I feel if I received this post?
  • Will this person feel good or bad after seeing the post?
  • Am I sharing valuable information or just spreading gossip?
  • Am I trying to be helpful or hurtful?
  • Am I reacting in anger to a comment or action?
  • Should I think first and wait before sending this post?
  • Will there be any consequences to sending this post?

Always make sure you think carefully before pushing the send button.  I know how easy it is to say something and then regret doing so.  Once words are written or spoken, they can’t be taken back.  It only takes a few seconds to cause damage that takes a lifetime to repair.  Sometimes reparation isn’t even possible.

Here is the complete article……http://www.nytimes.com/2014/10/23/fashion/Facebook-Arturo-Bejar-Creating-Empathy-Among-Cyberbullying.html?_r=0

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What does it mean to be a good mom?

Parents love your children.   When they become adults and leave home for school, work or marriage, you will wish that you could turn back the clock.  Time is so precious and so are your children!

  • Spend time with them and show them how much you care about them.
  • Surround them with love and support.
  • Encourage them to always do the best they can.
  • Create special memories to hold in their hearts.
  • Help build their confidence
  • Listen to them and show them how valuable they are
  • Teach them solid moral values and guide them to make good decisions
  • Be a positive role model

Here is a video that shows what it means to be a good mom – not a perfect mom, just a good mom!

 

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Are you the perfect spouse?

Everyone wishes they had the perfect spouse.  Someone who could make them happy.  Someone who would cater to all their wishes.  Someone who was always there when they needed them.  Wouldn’t this just be the best thing that could happen!

Imagine the perfect wife:

  • she has a good character, always treating other people with kindness
  • she takes care of her husband’s needs and is never critical or complaining
  • she does the shopping and cooks wonderful meals
  • she keeps the house spotlessly clean and does the laundry
  • she spends lots of time caring for her family
  • she helps her children with their homework
  • she plans special occasions, weekend getaways and family vacations
  • she pays the bills and budgets the family finances
  • she takes care of her appearance, eats proper foods and exercises regularly to keep herself healthy and looking good
  • she is always learning new things and developing her talents
  • she is active in the community and the church
  • she is always in a positive mood and is pleasant to be around

It would be great if women could manage all these great character traits, but realistically it isn’t possible.  There is no such thing as a perfect wife yet some women will pursue this impossible goal until they become totally frustrated and depressed.

Now let’s imagine the perfect husband:

  • he makes lots of money so his family will never lack anything they need or want
  • he is strong and courageous, never fearing to do anything for his family
  • he fixes things around the house so everything is always in great shape
  • he sits and listens to his wife and children  when they are experiencing difficulties and is understanding of their situation
  • he spends lots of time with his family doing fun activities
  • he remembers special occasions with cards, gifts and surprises
  • he tells other people how proud he is of his family
  • he is gentle, kind, honest and loving towards everyone
  • he is a positive role model for his family

Of course we know that husbands couldn’t possibly fulfill all these requirements, yet some wives believe that they should and will continue to be disappointed in their husband’s behaviour.

We need to realize that people can’t be perfect.  There is no perfect spouse, no perfect child, no perfect parent, no perfect friend, no perfect anything in this imperfect world.  It doesn’t matter if society tells us that we can become the perfect person if we just eat the right food, get on the right diet, buy the right clothing and accumulate enough possessions.  Perfection is not possible!  Pursuing perfection will only result in frustration and failure!

Acceptance is the key word.  Learn to accept others for who they are instead of who we want them to be.  Learn to accept yourself for who you are instead of comparing yourself to others.  Lower your expectations and you will eliminate a lot of unnecessary stress in your life.

 

 

 

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Nobody cares, just waiting to die

Niagara Canada is home to a large and growing senior population.  Many seniors who have never experienced depression in their lives are developing this illness due to poor health, inability to cope with daily tasks and lack of emotional support.  I often connect with clients who live alone and feel like their lives have no purpose.   Sometimes when I am covering a shift for a housekeeper, a client will talk my ear off because they don’t have anyone else that will listen or they will just sit and stare into thin air until they fall asleep.  My heart breaks for these people who were once so happy and full of life.  They feel like nobody cares and they are just waiting to die.

What causes seniors to slip into depression? For some, their family members and friends live distantly or they have passed away.  Others have family close by, but they are not able to help them due to busyness or lack of interest.   Many seniors have a very active mind but they are confined to their homes because they no longer have the ability to drive or they are too ill to go out.  Their lack of independence gives them lots of time and little to do which is very depressing.

It can be hard to detect depression in a senior because the symptoms can be found in other illnesses.  These can include:

  • lack of energy, tiredness
  • difficulty concentrating
  • irritable, agitated
  • lack of interest
  • constant worry, fear
  • sleep problems
  • sadness, mood changes
  • physical pain

Depression affects people of all ages and we should always pay attention to the people around us and make sure they are not struggling with excessive feelings of sadness or unworthiness.  Depression is a horrible illness that robs people of having a good life and it also negatively affects their families, friends, the people they work with and anyone else they connect with.  We always need to give our loved ones lots of love and support, especially if they are depressed.

Look around you and see if there is anyone you can lift up with your love today.  Is there a family member that you could pay a visit to?  A friend you haven’t called in a while?  A neighbour who doesn’t come out much?  Connect with them and let them know how special they are!

Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for a kindness. ~Seneca

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Are you thankful today?

Yesterday was Thanksgiving Day here in Canada.  Many people get together to enjoy a special meal, make new memories and share old memories.  It is a time of giving thanks for everything we have – our families, our faith, our friends and our freedom.  Thanksgiving Day reminds us of how much we have to be thankful for.  But what about the other 364 days of the year?   Are you thankful everyday?  Are you thankful today?

We shouldn’t really need a special day to remind us of all the things we should be thankful for.  When you wake up the morning, what do you think about?  Our minds tend to think about our problems and this just gets us in a miserable mood right away.  Train your mind to be thankful as soon as you open your eyes and this will help get you in a good mood for the rest of the day.   Think about everything you have to be thankful for – a roof over your head, a bed to sleep in, clean air, a loving family, the ability to see or hear, legs to walk with, arms to carry things, friends, food to eat and the list could go on forever.  Even if you don’t have all these things to be thankful for, there is always something.

Living with a thankful attitude will make your life better.  Don’t allow your negative thoughts to weigh you down.  So, are you thankful today?

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What did I say?

Have you ever said something that you wish you hadn’t?  Of course you have, we all have.  If we are not careful we can say cruel and unkind words to our family, our friends, our children and people we don’t even know.  We can even say mean things to ourselves.

One of the biggest ways we can hurt other people is by opening our mouths without first thinking about what we will say.  Our mouth can cause more trouble than any other part of our body.  Once we say something, it can never be taken back and we can end up paying the consequences for a long time to come.  I certainly wish I could go back and retrieve some of my callous comments that I have made in the past.

It is dangerous to speak whatever comes into your mind unless you are thinking pure, positive thoughts.   We need to fix our minds on good things so our words will encourage, comfort, uplift and show our love.

 

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The benefits of exercise

When some of us hear the word, EXERCISE, we might be tempted to groan and say, Oh no!   Exercise requires time and effort but there are so many benefits when you get active and take care of your physical body.

If you want to feel better and enjoy good health in your later years, it is important that you do some daily exercise.    This doesn’t mean you have to join a fitness club or buy expensive exercise equipment.   It also doesn’t mean you have to spend hours a day working out.  Just taking a 20-30 minute walk each day is the best exercise you can get and it doesn’t cost anything except your time.    Walk with a family member or friend and enjoy some great conversation.

Here are the benefits of regular exercise:

  • increases energy level
  • relieves stress
  • lifts your mood
  • reduces depression
  • helps you sleep better
  • boosts your immune system
  • relieves digestive disorders
  • increases your self-esteem
  • increases your longevity

You can work hard and make all the money you want, but it won’t help you maintain good health.   Try exercising for 30 minutes each day and don’t miss a single day.  At the end of 30 days you will probably be feeling better.

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Writer’s Blogging Tour

A few weeks ago, I was asked by Christine at Our Soul’s Purpose to join her on a Writer’s Blogging Tour.  I have never been on a tour before but I am always open to trying something new, especially if it involves writing.  I have been following Christine’s blog for several months now and have enjoyed reading her interesting and thought-provoking posts.  She tries to encourage people to become the best they can be by writing about gratitude, forgiveness and love, things that will improve the quality of our lives.

Here is some information about my own writing:

1.  What are you currently working on/writing?

My current project is writing more workbooks on building self-esteem.  In my workshops and coaching I have been using my first workbook ‘Caterpillar to Butterfly’ and it has served me well.  However, when I am working with different age groups it doesn’t always meet their specific needs.  I am planning on creating one for teens and one for younger children with more hands on activities to keep their interest and help them learn better.  I will also be writing a Christian self-esteem workbook that will fill in the last important step that is critical to building esteem.   It took me 2 years to write the first workbook, so it won’t be coming out for a little while.  I am hoping to have the teen workbook ready in the next few months.

Since I have a very active mind, I am always working on several projects at a time.  In the works are more short, informative books on different topics under the series called “Grandma’s Notes’.  My first attempt was on parenting advice: gathering information from experts and combining it with personal experience into a book called ‘Grandma’s Notes on Parenting’.  I’ve started one on relationships and have a list of other ideas including: esteem, healthy living and communication.

I also have been writing articles at Ezine Articles since August 2013.

2.  How is what you write different from others of the same genre?

My writing is different from others because I always do extensive research on the topic and then combine it with my own personal experience.   Once I have collected my thoughts, I try to write in a simple, logical way so that everyone can understand exactly what I am trying to say.

3.  Why do you write what you do?

I am very passionate about helping people learn how to build their esteem, communicate more effectively and become a better parent because I personally struggled with low esteem and depression throughout my life.  I know how difficult life can be when you feel worthless and believe that nobody really cares about you.  I know what it feels like to look at the world from a negative perspective and believe that life will never get better.  I know how distorted our thinking can be and how much it can destroy us if we don’t have good esteem.  I also know what can happen when you learn how to change your perspective and become more positive because I have been on both sides of the coin.  I have learned how to turn my life totally around and I want to share my thoughts with others in the hopes of inspiring them.

4.  What is your creative process?

My family is all creative in some way, so I’m sure my creativity came naturally.  We have writers, artists and crafters in the family.  I have always enjoyed reading, writing and creating for as long as I can remember.  My mind never stops working; it takes in everything I see around me.  When I see people or hear about events, I am inspired to write a story.  When I hear a quote, hear a statement or read a story, I am inspired to share the information with the world.  Sometimes I am inspired by my grandson and the amazing things he does.

Thanks again to Christine for inviting me on this tour. Please take time to visit her blog at Our Soul’s Purpose and have a blessed day!

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