imconfident

I sincerely believe that it is far more beneficial and far less costly to help a child build confidence than it is to fix an adult who has little or none.

Who is the media?

The media gets blamed for a lot of the problems in the world and rightly so.  Every day we are bombarded with images that influence the way we think about ourselves and others.  We see images of beautiful people living perfect lives that make us feel like there is something wrong with us.  We see ads that tell us we need to buy certain products in order to be accepted and loved.  Our confidence takes a hit and we become a person who feels unworthy and inferior to everyone else.

So, who is the media?  Who is telling us the lies that we are not good enough, that we don’t measure up and that we have no value?  It is not just a screen or an image that we see.  The media is comprised of people just like you and me.  It is people who are creating these images that have a profound influence on us.  We are influenced by everyone and everything that goes on around us.  These influences can be positive or they can be negative.

The ads that promote beauty products are most often created by women.  It is women that are tearing other women down!  Did you ever consider this?  The ads they create tell us:

  • we don’t look good enough (FOR WHAT?)
  • we are too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, etc….(COMPARED TO WHAT RIDICULOUS STANDARD?)
  • we don’t measure up (TO WHAT?)
  • we need to buy their products in order to have friends and be successful (WHY IS OUR FUTURE DEPENDENT ON THEM?)

We need to stop believing what the media tells us. Next time you want to believe something that the media is telling you, stop and consider who is really speaking to you.  The media is just a bunch of strangers who don’t know anything about you and don’t really care who you are.   All they want is to make you feel bad about yourself so they can line their pockets with your hard-earned money.   Don’t believe their lies.   We DO have value.  We ARE good enough.  We DO measure up.  We DO NOT need their products to be a productive and successful human being.  We are fearfully and wonderfully made.  Our value lies in who we are, not in what we look like or what we have.

 

 

 

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ARE YOU LOGICAL ABOUT DIETING?

Gaining weight is a problem with many of us.  We like to eat and we aren’t always careful about eating healthy.  Why is it that junk food tastes good?  And then when we gain a few pounds, we feel bad and try to figure out how we can lose it as quickly as possible.

The problem is, we don’t look at dieting in a logical way.  Deep down, we know that we can’t lose months or years of added pounds in a few weeks but we still try anyway.  We look for the quick fix, the promise of looking good in a short time.  Then we try all sorts of stupid diets and buy equipment that doesn’t meet our expectations, which is just a waste of time and money because it won’t work.

If we took some time and set some realistic goals for healthy eating combined with regular exercise, we would soon start to notice some weight loss.  Of course, when I say soon, I don’t mean in a few days or weeks.  It takes months of commitment, patience and living a healthy lifestyle to lose any excess weight and maintain it.  Positive change does not come instantly no matter how much we want it to happen.

In setting realistic dieting goals we first need to determine what our ideal weight should be depending on our height and body shape.  Society tells us that we should strive to be skinny but this isn’t logical when people come in all shapes and sizes.  Everyone cannot be a size 5!  Then we have to create an action plan that includes healthy eating and daily exercise.  Meals should never be skipped and should include fresh fruits, vegetables, protein, dairy and grains.   Anyone with health issues or allergies should work on a diet plan with their doctor.

It takes discipline to lose weight.   Companies that sell diet products and equipment will promise you a quick fix knowing that it will likely not work, just so they can make money.  Don’t fall for their empty promises.  The fact is, 95% of the people who go on diets are NOT successful, so why waste your time and money on something that WILL FAIL and make you feel worse about yourself.  Eating healthy and exercising daily is the ONLY successful way to diet.

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Why I don’t watch much TV

When I was raising my children, I used to enjoy watching some great programs on TV.  We would sit together as a family and watch Little House on the Prairie, The Waltons or Eight is Enough.  If you don’t recognize those names, they were programs from the 70’s and they were wholesome, family viewing.  You didn’t have to worry about your children hearing or seeing anything that was inappropriate.

Today, there is really little on TV that is even worth watching.  In my opinion, there are few programs that are suitable for all ages, but most of the programs show too much violence, sex and the language leaves a lot to be desired.   Our young people are learning that it is okay to engage in activities that are inappropriate, dangerous to their health and damaging to their relationships.  The media promotes violence and sex as being exciting and rewarding when the exact opposite is true.

 

A few days ago, I was sitting with my husband watching TV.   He can’t just sit in our living room and not watch the TV, so when we eat supper, I sit with him and watch a game show.  A commercial came on about some marvelous product that women simply can’t do without.   There was a nice-looking lady talking to a man about some wonderful cream that reversed the aging process.  She even had a small tube of it that you could carry in your purse.  Isn’t that great!  If you happen to feel a wrinkle coming on while you are out, you can just reach in your purse and apply the cream.  Then poof….the wrinkle disappears.  How ridiculous is that?  The problem is, there will be many insecure women who will rush to the phone to buy the product.   Then when the product doesn’t work, these poor women, who are already emotionally damaged, will feel even worse believing it is because something is wrong with them.  It is so sad that companies prey on weak people just to make a buck.

We should be working together to help people feel good about themselves and not be making them feel bad about their self-image.  I meet so many people in my coaching, both women and men, who are so broken and insecure, that they will believe anyone who promises to fix their lives.

What are you watching on TV?  What are your children watching on TV?  Does it help you or hurt you?  Don’t let the media tell you that there is something wrong with how you look.   Instead of trying to find a magic potion to keep us younger or make us good about ourselves, we should be working hard to live a healthy lifestyle – eating properly, exercising and eliminating any bad habits that affect our health.  Then we wouldn’t have as many wrinkles to erase and excess weight to lose.  We would look younger and healthier and stay active well into our senior years.

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What is beauty?

If someone asked you to think about something beautiful, what would come to your mind?  A movie star, a shiny new car, a pair of shoes, a sunset, a baby?   There are many beautiful things in the world, but we often miss seeing them because of a universal image of beauty that is put in our minds through the media.

The dictionary describes beauty as something that is pleasing and impressive, a fine example or an excellent aspect.  Yet society has a different description, telling us that beauty is how someone looks on the outside when real beauty comes from within ourselves.

Both men and women have a twisted concept about what real beauty is and this creates most of our issues with self-esteem and body image.  We spend countless hours and lots of money hoping to attain an unrealistic image of something that is considered beautiful when all we have to do is appreciate the beauty that we already have.

Beauty is everything about a person that is pleasing and impressive.  Beauty is not perfection and perfection is not attainable in this imperfect world.  Beauty is not just how we look on the outside but also how we look on the inside.  A beautiful character is much more important and is reflected through our words and actions.  When we  have inner beauty, it shines brightly for everyone to see and shows people that we have confidence and good esteem.

We are ALL beautiful in our own way and have something that is pleasing or excellent about us.  Some of us have shiny hair, expressive eyes or a beautiful smile.  Some have warm personalities or amazing talents.   Some of us have an excellent way of communicating with others or making them feel loved and special.   No matter what you have believed in the past or what people have told you, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!  Don’t believe the lies that society is telling you.  Start building confidence and increasing your esteem.   Believe in yourself and start helping others believe in themselves.

Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it. ~Confucius

Don’t let insecurity ruin the beauty you were born with. ~Author Unknown

If you feel beautiful, then you are. Even if you don’t, you still are. ~Terri Guillemets

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Help your children build esteem

It is so important that we teach our children how to build their confidence and maintain a strong esteem.  Young people struggle today with their body image, feeling insecure and having distorted ideas about their appearance.   Media pressures are extremely powerful and can have disastrous effects on a child who lacks confidence in their abilities and has very little esteem.   They need the support of parents who can be positive role models that demonstrate through example how to feel good about their own self-image.

When your children are small, start helping them build confidence by working alongside them to master their abilities and skills, supporting them when they fail and encouraging them to try again.  When children feel that they are loved and valued, they will become confident and this will build their esteem.    If you are a parent who lacks confidence and has low esteem, work hard to make positive changes in your own life so you can help your children become confident, responsible adults.  Don’t let your children struggle with feelings of insecurity, believing what the media tells them and allowing bullies to have a negative effect on their thinking.   The article below shows the devastating effects that bullies have on insecure teens.

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2015/apr/16/bullied-teenagers-increasingly-want-to-have-cosmetic-surgery-says-survey

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What is your legacy?

What are you passing on to your children and your grandchildren?  Is it a sum of money, a piece of property, a valuable heirloom?

Many people build up their money and possessions so they can pass on something of value to their children, but is this enough?  It is great to give your children financial security but what about leaving them some love and respect.  How do you treat your children?

  • are you fair or unfair?
  • are you loving or unloving?
  • are you kind or cruel?
  • are you respectful of yourself and others?
  • are you a good role model?

In this video created by Dove, it brings to light how much we can influence our children in a positive or negative way.  If we are constantly criticizing ourselves and focusing on our imperfections and flaws, they will usually follow our poor example and be critical about themselves.  On the other hand, if we are respectful of ourselves and appreciate what we have, they will be more likely to follow our good example and will appreciate the awesome person that they are.

So, what is your legacy?  Do you want to pass on ‘stuff’ to your children and grandchildren or something that will help them navigate through life with a positive attitude and become a responsible, caring adult?   Try doing the exercise shown in this video and see what the results are.   Help your children build good esteem and they will pass this on for generations to come.

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Do you compare yourself to others?

Comparison can be a dangerous game to play.  When we compare ourselves to others, we are looking at ourselves as deficient in some way and judging ourselves from a negative perspective.

How many young people, especially women, compare themselves to others, believing they are prettier, smarter, more popular, more powerful, more talented?  The answer is>>>>TOO MANY!

  • Young girls compare their clothing, their hair, their body image, their possessions, their achievements and think that other girls are so much better than they are.
  • Young boys compare their style, their athletic ability, their muscles, their skills and think that they fall short of other boys.
  • Even adults compare themselves to other people and believe that they are inferior in some way

Instead of trying to be the best person we can be, we waste our time and energy searching for something that will make us happy and fulfill our dreams.  We live our lives believing the lie that we are just not good enough and who told you this anyway?  Maybe it was a parent who was struggling with their own identity.  Maybe it was a friend who had a mean heart.  Maybe it was something that you were watching on TV or reading in a magazine.  Society is very good at tearing us down and destroying our esteem by encouraging us to play the comparison game.

It is time to STOP comparing yourself to others and START looking at yourself.  Discover your strengths and accept your weaknesses.   Build confidence in your abilities and increase your self-esteem by becoming more positive.

There is nothing to be gained by comparing yourself to someone else unless you are using them as a role model to follow or a positive example.  Be the person you were created to be and use your amazing gifts as best you can.

 

 

 

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What do you see in the mirror?

When we look in the mirror, what do we usually see?  If you are anything like me, you will quickly see your flaws and imperfections.   Your face might have a mark, a scar, a giant zit.  Your hair might look too greasy, too dry or too messy.  Your ears might stick out too much.  Your nose might look too big.  Your eyes look dull and tired.  Your lips are colourless.  Your outfit doesn’t match.  I could go on and on.

Why can we find so much wrong with ourselves when in reality we are a wonderful creation?  God created to be different and unique.  Nobody in the world is exactly like us and that makes us special and valuable.

We CAN look in the mirror and be happy with what we see.  This is done by building confidence and increasing our self-esteem.   Living in a world that constantly tears us down and urges us to reach perfection can make this difficult to accomplish, but it IS possible.   We do NOT have to be like other people.  We do NOT have to be perfect.  We just have to work hard at becoming the best person that we can be in this imperfect world.

How can we do this?  By committing ourselves to making positive changes and not looking at ourselves through the eyes of the world.

  • build good positive habits
  • repeat positive affirmations
  • accept our strengths and weakness
  • change our self-talk
  • fill our emotional tanks
  • stop comparing ourselves to others
  • develop a grateful attitude
  • help others

I like this picture of a cat looking in a mirror.   It shows what confidence and self-esteem look life.  When the cat looks in a mirror, she sees her inner confidence and strong esteem.  When we look in a mirror, we should see what a strong, wonderful individual that we are.  What do you see in the mirror?  For more information on esteem building, visit my website at http://www.imconfident.com

SELF-ESTEEM believe in yourself

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Is childhood becoming extinct?

Many child psychologists and therapists are in agreement on one thing – children today are becoming adults too soon.  In reading various articles and also from personal observation, I am in total agreement with this.  Everywhere I go, I see young children dressing provocatively, using language that is inappropriate and acting in ways that would have embarrassed me at their age.  Instead of enjoying the few short years of their childhood, they are trying to be mini adults.

So why is this happening?  It is because many parents are pressuring their children to become responsible for themselves at a young age.  They allow them to make their own choices and often try to be a friend instead of a parent.  In many homes there are no restrictions as to what children watch on TV or the computer.  Children often watch the same programs and movies as adults do which causes them to be exposed to sex and violence at a very early age.   Children can’t handle this information emotionally, physically and spiritually and the result is early sexual activity, teen pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases and violent behaviour.   This results in relationship issues, problems in school, low esteem, eating disorders, addictions, depression and possibly even suicide.

Children are a gift and we should treat them with special care.  We don’t need to show other people that our children are smarter, faster or better looking.  We don’t need to tell our children that they are better than someone else.  We  don’t need to help them grow up any faster than they need to.  Children need to be children.  They need to play and explore.  They need to be loved, appreciated and respected.

Do your children a favour and allow them to be a child.   We have enough adults in the world.  Don’t let childhood becoming something that is extinct.

Which child would you rather have?  The one that looks like a serious model or the one that looks like she is having fun being a kid?

tots in tiaras1happy girl standing on hands

 

 

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Stop dieting!

Are you on a diet?  If so, this post is for you.

Stop dieting!!  Yes, I said stop dieting.  Dieting is not healthy for you.  Research shows that 90% of people who diet will fail.   So get together with 9 other people who are dieting and statistically only 1 of you will be successful.  So what are the odds of it being you?  Not very good.

The reason that most people fail when they are on a diet is that they are not focusing on the real problem.   What is the real problem and why do we diet?  Mainly because we don’t feel comfortable with ourselves.  We don’t have good esteem and we feel insecure.  We don’t like the way we look and we are trying to become the perfect person that the world tells us to be.    So we look for quick and easy ways to lose weight which isn’t realistic or even possible.  If it has taken us years to gain weight, how can we expect to lose it in a few days or weeks?

Then there are people (mostly teens) who shouldn’t be dieting at all because they are already at a healthy weight but they are convinced there is something wrong with their body image.  This can be due to poor parental role modelling, since many parents are continually on diets themselves.

The problem with dieting is that we are focusing on the wrong thing.  It isn’t easy to control your eating when you are always thinking about food and focusing on what you can’t eat.  Instead we should be focusing on healthy eating and thinking about the foods we can eat.

Cheerios has started to promote an awareness of the problems caused by a dieting mentality.  They are encouraging people to live a healthy, balanced lifestyle and be a good role model for their children by taking the ‘never say dieting oath’.   Join the hundreds of people who have taken this oath and  help make our next generation healthy.  http://www.worldwithoutdieting.ca/theoath

 

 

 

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