I sincerely believe that it is far more beneficial and far less costly to help a child build confidence than it is to fix an adult who has little or none.

Who is the media?

The media gets blamed for a lot of the problems in the world and rightly so.  Every day we are bombarded with images that influence the way we think about ourselves and others.  We see images of beautiful people living perfect lives that make us feel like there is something wrong with us.  We see ads that tell us we need to buy certain products in order to be accepted and loved.  Our confidence takes a hit and we become a person who feels unworthy and inferior to everyone else.

So, who is the media?  Who is telling us the lies that we are not good enough, that we don’t measure up and that we have no value?  It is not just a screen or an image that we see.  The media is comprised of people just like you and me.  It is people who are creating these images that have a profound influence on us.  We are influenced by everyone and everything that goes on around us.  These influences can be positive or they can be negative.

The ads that promote beauty products are most often created by women.  It is women that are tearing other women down!  Did you ever consider this?  The ads they create tell us:

  • we don’t look good enough (FOR WHAT?)
  • we are too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, etc….(COMPARED TO WHAT RIDICULOUS STANDARD?)
  • we don’t measure up (TO WHAT?)
  • we need to buy their products in order to have friends and be successful (WHY IS OUR FUTURE DEPENDENT ON THEM?)

We need to stop believing what the media tells us. Next time you want to believe something that the media is telling you, stop and consider who is really speaking to you.  The media is just a bunch of strangers who don’t know anything about you and don’t really care who you are.   All they want is to make you feel bad about yourself so they can line their pockets with your hard-earned money.   Don’t believe their lies.   We DO have value.  We ARE good enough.  We DO measure up.  We DO NOT need their products to be a productive and successful human being.  We are fearfully and wonderfully made.  Our value lies in who we are, not in what we look like or what we have.




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What is beauty?

If someone asked you to think about something beautiful, what would come to your mind?  A movie star, a shiny new car, a pair of shoes, a sunset, a baby?   There are many beautiful things in the world, but we often miss seeing them because of a universal image of beauty that is put in our minds through the media.

The dictionary describes beauty as something that is pleasing and impressive, a fine example or an excellent aspect.  Yet society has a different description, telling us that beauty is how someone looks on the outside when real beauty comes from within ourselves.

Both men and women have a twisted concept about what real beauty is and this creates most of our issues with self-esteem and body image.  We spend countless hours and lots of money hoping to attain an unrealistic image of something that is considered beautiful when all we have to do is appreciate the beauty that we already have.

Beauty is everything about a person that is pleasing and impressive.  Beauty is not perfection and perfection is not attainable in this imperfect world.  Beauty is not just how we look on the outside but also how we look on the inside.  A beautiful character is much more important and is reflected through our words and actions.  When we  have inner beauty, it shines brightly for everyone to see and shows people that we have confidence and good esteem.

We are ALL beautiful in our own way and have something that is pleasing or excellent about us.  Some of us have shiny hair, expressive eyes or a beautiful smile.  Some have warm personalities or amazing talents.   Some of us have an excellent way of communicating with others or making them feel loved and special.   No matter what you have believed in the past or what people have told you, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!  Don’t believe the lies that society is telling you.  Start building confidence and increasing your esteem.   Believe in yourself and start helping others believe in themselves.

Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it. ~Confucius

Don’t let insecurity ruin the beauty you were born with. ~Author Unknown

If you feel beautiful, then you are. Even if you don’t, you still are. ~Terri Guillemets

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Beauty quote Brenda

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What is your legacy?

What are you passing on to your children and your grandchildren?  Is it a sum of money, a piece of property, a valuable heirloom?

Many people build up their money and possessions so they can pass on something of value to their children, but is this enough?  It is great to give your children financial security but what about leaving them some love and respect.  How do you treat your children?

  • are you fair or unfair?
  • are you loving or unloving?
  • are you kind or cruel?
  • are you respectful of yourself and others?
  • are you a good role model?

In this video created by Dove, it brings to light how much we can influence our children in a positive or negative way.  If we are constantly criticizing ourselves and focusing on our imperfections and flaws, they will usually follow our poor example and be critical about themselves.  On the other hand, if we are respectful of ourselves and appreciate what we have, they will be more likely to follow our good example and will appreciate the awesome person that they are.

So, what is your legacy?  Do you want to pass on ‘stuff’ to your children and grandchildren or something that will help them navigate through life with a positive attitude and become a responsible, caring adult?   Try doing the exercise shown in this video and see what the results are.   Help your children build good esteem and they will pass this on for generations to come.

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What do you see in the mirror?

When we look in the mirror, what do we usually see?  If you are anything like me, you will quickly see your flaws and imperfections.   Your face might have a mark, a scar, a giant zit.  Your hair might look too greasy, too dry or too messy.  Your ears might stick out too much.  Your nose might look too big.  Your eyes look dull and tired.  Your lips are colourless.  Your outfit doesn’t match.  I could go on and on.

Why can we find so much wrong with ourselves when in reality we are a wonderful creation?  God created to be different and unique.  Nobody in the world is exactly like us and that makes us special and valuable.

We CAN look in the mirror and be happy with what we see.  This is done by building confidence and increasing our self-esteem.   Living in a world that constantly tears us down and urges us to reach perfection can make this difficult to accomplish, but it IS possible.   We do NOT have to be like other people.  We do NOT have to be perfect.  We just have to work hard at becoming the best person that we can be in this imperfect world.

How can we do this?  By committing ourselves to making positive changes and not looking at ourselves through the eyes of the world.

  • build good positive habits
  • repeat positive affirmations
  • accept our strengths and weakness
  • change our self-talk
  • fill our emotional tanks
  • stop comparing ourselves to others
  • develop a grateful attitude
  • help others

I like this picture of a cat looking in a mirror.   It shows what confidence and self-esteem look life.  When the cat looks in a mirror, she sees her inner confidence and strong esteem.  When we look in a mirror, we should see what a strong, wonderful individual that we are.  What do you see in the mirror?  For more information on esteem building, visit my website at

SELF-ESTEEM believe in yourself

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Is fat really the worst thing……

is fat really the worst thing



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What are you wearing today?

lady looking in mirrorThe way we look can have a profound effect on how others see us and also how we see ourselves.  Before going out in the world, ask yourself what kind of image you want others to see.  Remember the statement, ‘A picture is worth a thousand words”.  What kind of picture are you showing to the public by the way you dress?  We should always try to look our best so we show others that we respect ourselves and have confidence.

However, looking our best should not just apply to our outer attire.   How we appear to others includes far more than our clothing, hairstyle and accessories.   We can have outer beauty and look good on the outside but neglect to wear any inner beauty.

When you go out, do you put on a good attitude, a caring manner and a pleasant smile?  Do you show love, compassion and understanding?  Are your words full of kindness and your actions full of respect?   Are you wearing your inner beauty?

We spend so much time worrying about how we look on the outside and trying to impress other people that we often ignore what is going on inside.  We need to work hard at creating a beautiful personality so that our inner beauty will shine through and we can be a good example to others.  This will bring happiness and success to our lives.

What are you wearing today?

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A temporary fix

lady with a caulking gunThere are temporary fixes to everything.  A temporary fix to a housing shortage, a broken tooth, a computer repair,  a cracked window, a broken pipe.   We can figure out how to temporarily fix a lot of things, but we know that it won’t last and a proper repair has to eventually be done.

This also applies to our appearance.  The world constantly pressures us to improve our appearance so we continually look for temporary fixes so we can change the way we look.  We try different hair and clothing styles, use a variety of makeups and accessories, try to lose weight, all in the hopes that it will help us look better so people will like us.   Some of us even go as far as having plastic surgery to repair what we think is a major problem.  (Thank God, I never went that route)  Then when people make positive comments about us, we feel good about ourselves and this increases our esteem.

The problem is, a temporary fix to our outer appearance will not have any lasting effects.  We may get a sudden boost in our esteem but it won’t last because we are counting on other people to affirm our value.  When people stop telling us how good we look or paying attention to us, our esteem will quickly disappear.

It is important that we try to look our best but we need to work on our inner appearance and not just our outer appearance.  What we show people by how we talk and act is far more important that how we look.  We need to work at doing a permanent fix to rid ourselves of any insecurities and build some good esteem so we don’t have to resort to temporary fixes that don’t last.




the day a scale gave me more than a number.

This is a very well written post about beauty from Erin at There’s a Spirit. Woman all need to be reminded that we are all unique and wonderful just the way we are.

There's a Spirit

Today, I ran across a scale that I found to be pretty incredible. Underneath the top where it would read your weight, it said the words “you are beautiful” in purple script.

Okay, so I’m a total sap. I accept that. But it turns out that I’m the kind of sap that just about sheds a few tears in HEB. Because, honestly, this really stuck me. I think that as women we really need things like this in our lives. Because, if you’re anything like me, you probably forget.

I forget that weight is just a number.

I forget that it’s a number only I can see.

I forget that that pound or two fluctuation that I see in my weight isn’t evident to the human eye.

I forget not to let petty things like a number weigh in on my heart.

And I forget…

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The pressure for perfection

smiling3We have become our own worst enemies through pressures put on us by the media.  Every day we see images of perfect and beautiful people in magazines and on TV, pressuring us to reach for perfection.  We are told that we are too big, too small, too fat, too skinny, too short, too tall…….there is always something wrong with us and we search endlessly for ways to become that perfect and beautiful person.

Yet how can we become perfect in a world that is far from perfect?

Our culture creates an artificial image of beauty that can never be reached and it is having a negative impact on young people, especially girls and women.  More and more young people are starting on diets as young as age 5!!  Adults need to promote a more positive image by being good role models, encouraging healthy living and helping our younger generation build confidence and increase their self-esteem.   Young people need to know that it is okay to be different and that they are amazing just the way they are.

Here is an interesting article on how relentless body shaming puts girls at risk.

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