Which child feels more loved?

This is a story about 2 little girls called Sarah and Sally.  Their parents love both of them dearly but one of them doesn’t feel very loved.  After reading this story, you can decide which one I am talking about.

Sarah is 9 years old and is a very easy-going child.  She is bright and attentive and likes to help the rest of the family.  Sally is 8 years old and is a very active and curious child.  She is always trying new things and gets very frustrated when they don’t work out as she expected.

Here is an example of what happens on a school morning.  Mom calls both of the girls to get up and get dressed.  In about 10 minutes, Sarah comes downstairs all dressed and ready to go.  Her mom butters her toast and asks if her sister is up.  “No, I haven’t heard her moving around yet”, Sarah replies.

Mom has to leave for work soon, so she runs upstairs to Sally’s room.  “Sally get up now.  You are going to be late again!”  Sally sits up in bed and rubs her eyes.  10 minutes later, she drags herself to the kitchen table.   ‘My goodness Sally!  Did you sleep in your clothes?  Why can’t you look neat and tidy like your sister.  Go upstairs now and put on a clean blouse.  And hurry up or you won’t have time for breakfast!”

Finally Sally comes down looking fairly nice, grabs a piece of toast and sits down.  “Sally, put on your shoes while you are eating.  The school bus will be here in a few minutes.  Your sister is already waiting on the porch.”

Which sister do you think left the house feeling loved?

It is pretty obvious.  The mother feels frustrated at her one child and rightly so.  But a little patience and encouragement would have helped the situation a lot better and created a positive environment for the children and the mother.  Comparing children is a really bad idea and it will create bad feelings between them.  All children are different and should be treated with respect.

What could the mother have done that would have had better results?

• Instead of yelling at the child who has difficulty getting up, mom could have just come into her room and gently woke her up with a “Good morning, see you downstairs in a few minutes.”
• Instead of getting angry with the rumpled clothing, mom could have said, “I think your blouse needs to be washed, it looks a bit dirty.   Why don’t you drop it in the clothes hamper and run up to your room and grab a clean one from your closet”.
• Instead of pointing out that her (perfect) sister Sarah was all ready and waiting for the bus, mom could have said, “Can you quickly put on your shoes while eating your toast and then join your sister on the porch, please?”

It is difficult to watch what we say to our children, especially when we feel tired and stressed.  However, our words can have a terrible effect on our children if we aren’t careful and we can get stuck in a habit of negatively talking all the time.

Developing a habit of positive self-talk takes a lot of time and patience but it will benefit everyone around us: our families, our children, our friends and even ourselves.

 

 

A dangerous weapon

Did you know that you carry a very dangerous weapon with you? Most people don’t even realize that they carry a weapon that is so destructive it can tear apart families, destroy relationships and even cause death.

Our tongue is a huge weapon. It is a very small part of us but it holds the power of life and death. It can be more dangerous than guns or knives and cause a mountain of damage in our lives.

We can choose to use positive words or negative words. Positive words can impart valuable information, be encouraging or bring happiness to others. Negative words can spread lies, discourage and hurt others. Words can also hurt ourselves when we are using negative self-talk and repeating the lies that others have said to us.

There is a reason why we have 1 tongue, 2 eyes and 2 ears. We SHOULD listen more and see more than we speak. Sadly many people lash out at others before they even consider the consequences of their words. Bullying is a good example of how words affect people.

We need to be very careful with our “dangerous weapon” and try to “kill” people with kindness instead of destroying them with our words.  Think carefully before you speak.  Practice changing any negative thoughts into positive thoughts and create a habit of positive thinking.

 

 

Are there S..words in your words?

Are your words sharp and cutting?  Do they hurt people?  Are they critical and harsh?  If you aren’t careful with your words, they can be like swords and cut right into the heart of another person.

Many of us go through life not even knowing the effect of our words.  We have to really listen to ourselves and hear what is coming out of our mouths.  Then we have to try to stop any words that are negative and hurtful.  Our words come from our thoughts and we can’t stop our negative thinking but we CAN stop speaking negative words.

It is a choice as to what we say to others and ourselves.  Just as when we pour coffee into a cup, we can also pour dirty water into a cup.  It is the same for our words.  We can pour out our negative thoughts and create pain or we can pour out positive thoughts and create possibilities.   Negative words can tear down and discourage.  Positive words can lift up and encourage.

We have the power to change our words.  All we have to do is create a habit of positive thinking.  It takes time and effort but if we are consciously aware of our thoughts, we CAN change.  When those negative thoughts come floating into our heads, we can stop ourselves from letting them become negative words.  Challenge those thoughts; change them into something positive or just let them float away and say nothing.

Are there s..words in your words?  Stop using your words to hurt and start using your words to heal.

 

 

What are you doing to change the world?

There are certain topics that I am very passionate about.  These include confidence-building, relationships, children, faith, poverty, injustice, violence.  It breaks my heart when I read about people hurting other people, especially when it comes to children.  Every day I hear something that brings a tear to my eyes and sends pain through my heart.  People can be so cruel to each other and even to themselves.  Where is all the love and compassion?

• We need to examine our lives and figure out what we can do to help people instead of hurt them.
• We need to watch our words carefully and think before we speak.
• We need to stop ourselves before we do anything that we might regret later.
• We need to put ourselves in the shoes of others and try to understand who they really are instead of making a quick, incorrect judgment.
• We need to support, love and pray for each other.

People often think they can’t do much to change the world by themselves but if we can do just one small thing it can have a ripple effect.  We might never see the end result when we show kindness to another person.  Just a few encouraging words spoken to someone who is broken and defeated can lift them up and help them make positive changes in their lives.

The world is so full of anger, hatred, violence and despair.   We need to do what we can to stop this negativity from growing by showing love to everyone around us.  What are you doing to change the world?

 

It’s the thought that counts! Really?

I’m not sure where this statement originated but I’ve heard it many times and have even used it myself without considering what it really means.  Dictionaries tell us that it refers to gift giving and that it isn’t really important how much a gift costs; the importance is found in the feeling or thought from the giver.

However, I’m not sure I totally agree with this idea.  I do believe that cost is unimportant when it comes to gift-giving and that someone can give me a gift that is right from their heart.  People spend way too much money on stuff they don’t need today and I certainly don’t like when someone spends a lot of money on me.  Yet, when I get a gift from someone, how do I know how much thought is behind it.  Unless someone shows me how they feel through their actions or words, I certainly can’t read their mind, so I obviously have no idea how they feel.  Maybe they did think a lot about the gift or maybe they didn’t.  People can easily pick up items without much thought or effort.

What we truly care about another person we need to express what we are feeling.  Just assuming that they know we love and care for them is not enough.  Our thoughts are just our thoughts and nobody will even know what is going on in our minds unless we express ourselves.  Children especially need to be reminded of our love or they will not build confidence or see their value.

So next time you give someone a gift make sure they know how you feel.  The thought doesn’t count – people do.

Are your words powerful?

Have you ever stopped to consider how powerful our words can be?  Everything that we say can have a huge impact on other people and even ourselves.  Just one little word or phrase can heal a person’s life or it can destroy it.  When we use words that are kind, loving and supportive we can lift people up and make them feel good.  On the other hand, when we say words that are mean, nasty and vindictive we can tear people down and make them feel bad.

Think about words that people say to you:

• When you felt lonely and a family member said something loving to you, how did it make you feel?
• When you were feeling down and a friend said something encouraging, did it lift you up?
• When you were having a bad day at work and your boss told you that you did a good job, did your day go better?

Remember those times when a family member spoke to you in anger or someone at work criticized something you did or a friend told you they were too busy to have coffee with you.  How did those words make you feel?

We should always be careful with our words and choose them carefully.  Don’t let unkind, careless or cruel words come out of your mouth.  Think before you speak especially when you are stressed, tired, angry or upset.  Those are times when even the nicest person can be thoughtless and let words slip out that should never be spoken.

Saying unkind words to ourselves is also a bad thing.  We can be very cruel to ourselves, speaking words we have heard other people say to us or about us.  We need to challenge our self-talk and make sure we are not hurting ourselves with our own words.  What other people say is only a reflection of who they are and not who we are.  We believe a lot of things that are just not true.

We need to understand how powerful our words are and make sure we use them to lift people up, encourage them, support them and show our love.

 

Think before you speak

How many times have you said something that you wished you hadn’t?

How many times have critical or complaining words have tumbled out of your mouth?

How many times have you expressed anger that hurt someone else?

How many times have you belittled or torn down another person?

How many times have you spread gossip that wasn’t entirely true?

Just think about it.  You have probably spoken thousands of negative, critical, angry, hurtful words that had the potential to hurt many people.  Our words have such powerful effects!

We should always be careful with our words and think before we speak.  Our thoughts often come to us without warning and if don’t pay attention to what we are thinking and stop any negative thoughts from being processed into negative words, we can do a lot of damage to the lives of others and also ourselves.  Careless words can result in misunderstanding, miscommunication and cause problems in our relationships.

Before you speak:

• think carefully about what you are saying
• be consciously aware of any negative thoughts
• stop those negative thoughts
  • picture a stop sign, take a few deep breaths, count to 10
  • focus on something positive
  • say positive statements
  • write your thoughts in a journal or type them into your phone
• gather your thoughts and say something positive
• if you do say something negative, apologize before the situation gets worse

You do have the power to control your thoughts.  You don’t have to keep every negative thought that pops into your head.  Get rid of those negative thoughts and create a habit of positive thinking.  Believe me it does work!  All it takes is continual practice.

What does your tone of voice indicate?

Studies show that about 90% of life’s daily friction is caused by the wrong tone of voice!  This means it is not just important that you choose the right words when speaking with others, it means that you also need to be careful about the tone you use.

How do you communicate with your family, friends, co-workers and other people you meet?  Does your voice indicate anger, frustration, irritation, disappointment or does it indicate love, calmness, reassurance and/or support?  It makes a huge difference how you say things.

Look at this sentence, “I’d like to speak with you if you have a moment“.  If you say this in an angry or irritated voice, it conveys the message that there is something wrong and the person you are speaking to will be very apprehensive about meeting with you.  If you say it in a friendly manner, it conveys the message that you are going to have a pleasant conversation.

Instead of speaking to people in a voice that is angry, disappointed or frustrated, try to keep your emotions under control.  Take a minute to think about what you want to say, calm yourself down and then speak lovingly and calmly.  It takes ongoing practice but the results are so worthwhile.

 

How to help your teen build esteem

Every new school year is the start of something different and for many teens it is the start of more problems.  They are already experiencing drastic changes in their bodies which can cause a lot of stress and anxiety.  Added to that are overwhelming pressures to become that ‘perfect’ and ‘beautiful/handsome’ person so they will be accepted by their peers.  Teens start looking around and comparing themselves to actors, actresses, models and the kids that have been labelled ‘popular’.  They believe that everyone else is better looking, smarter and has more friends.  They seen themselves as inferior and unworthy.   These untrue beliefs cause them to put their value in how they look and what they have instead of who they are.

We should never measure ourselves against other people because we are all unique individuals.  We can’t possibly be the same as somebody else and we are not supposed to be.  Many of the people we are comparing ourselves to, are often very insecure about themselves.

Teens need to develop confidence and increase their self-esteem so they will be able to stand up to negative peer pressures and make good choices in life.  As parents, we can help our own children and any teens we are connected to.  Here are some ways that we can help them build esteem:

1. Show love – Take very opportunity to show how much you love your children.  No, they don’t just know!!! You have to tell them and show them.  A child who feels loved at home won’t go looking for love in all the wrong places.
2. Be encouraging – Life will always have problems and teens are very sensitive when they fail or do something wrong.  They need to be encouraged to keep going and know that you will support them.
3. Have an open mind – Teens need to know that you that you are listening to them and that you are not going to judge everything they say.   You may not always agree with what they are saying, but they aren’t you and they will think differently.  Be honest and open.  Teens will talk to whoever with listen, so make sure that person is you.
4. Be a positive role model – Teens always watch the people around them to see how they speak and act, so we need to make sure we are presenting a positive example for them to follow.  Be the person you want your teen to be.
5. Choose your words carefully – Your words have the power to impact your teen in a positive or negative way.  Once your words are spoken, they can’t be taken back, so be very careful you don’t say something that is damaging.  Say things that remind them of their great abilities and strengths.
6. Spend time with them – Teens do like to spend time with their parents as it makes them feel valued.  Plan some special times as a family and also one-on-one, to build a closer relationship.  Make sure you aren’t spending time criticizing them or they will prefer to spend time with someone else.

The teen years are very difficult and your teen really needs your love and support.  Be there for them and help them navigate through all the challenges they face.  You will face obstacles and often feel like nothing is working, but if you keep the lines of communication open and keep trying to maintain a good relationship, your teen will feel your support and know how much you care.

We all carry a dangerous weapon

Did you realize that you carry a dangerous weapon with you every day?  Yes, we all do.  It is just something small but it can do a lot of damage.  It is more dangerous than guns or knives and we have access to it 24/7.

Have you figured out what I’m referring to?  Our tongue!  When we speak, we can impact people in a positive or negative way.  Our words can hurt people or help people.  Our words can damage or repair a relationship.  Our words can build up or tear down.

We should always choose our words carefully so we aren’t causing pain to someone else.  We should also be careful that we aren’t hurting ourselves with any negative self-talk.  Words are so powerful and once they are spoken, they can’t be reversed.

What are you loading your weapon with?  We certainly don’t want to be facing someone who is loaded with anger, bitterness or hatred.  Make sure you are loading your weapon with love and kill people with kindness!