Spend time with your children

The weather is getting nicer every day and soon it will be time for shorts and sandals!    Spring is my favourite time of year.  The days are getting longer, the sun shines brighter and it is getting warmer.

Yesterday we took my 20 month old grandson to one of our many local parks.  There were lots of families there with children of all ages, enjoying themselves on the swings and slides.    Our grandson loves going down the slide and he giggled the whole time he was on the swing.   I’m not sure who was having more fun – our grandson, my husband or myself.  It brought back memories of when our girls were small and we spent many happy hours going to the park and watching them play.

Now that I am a grandparent, I can see how important it is to spend lots of time with your children.  Many people get so caught up in the busyness of life that they have no time left to relax and have fun with their kids.   I’m certainly guilty of doing this and I won’t make the same mistake with my grandchildren.  Children grow up so fast and we can’t go back and re-live the past, so we need to make sure that we don’t forget what is important in life.    Paying attention to our children and giving them the gift of time will have lasting, positive effects on them.  Show them how much you love them with your time!

“To be in your children’s memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today” – Anonymous

How to save a marriage

Being married is certainly difficult especially in this day and ago.   No two people can live together without having arguments, misunderstandings and a million petty differences.  Even the best marriage will have times of turmoil.  If anyone tells you anything different, they aren’t being honest with you or themselves.

My marriage has certainly had its ups and downs and I could never understand why life was always so difficult.  I tried very hard to be a good wife but the harder I tried, the worse things got.   Then a few years ago, I started reading some good books on marriage and I discovered some very important things that we should know about marriage and all our relationships (husband, wife, children, friends, co-workers, anyone we are in contact with).   These things have helped me tremendously by allowing me to understand why people have relationship problems.    My marriage has gotten a lot better.   We are still struggling, but we understand each other and are working together which is really important.

1. Men and women are different in many ways.  Until we can understand and accept our differences we will never be able to communicate effectively and work together as a married couple or have a good relationship with anyone.  We are all different and we don’t have to think and act in the same way.   We just need to figure out what our differences are and how to get along with each other.
2. We all drag our past unresolved issues into a relationship.   Most of us have been through difficult times and are carrying along anger, bitterness or resentment.   This may be on the surface or buried deep inside and just waiting to pop up when problems arise.  We need to resolve these issues so we don’t use our past pain to hurt others and ourselves.  We often pass the blame for our past issues on to those we love and make them pay for things they never did.
3. We are all selfish and want our own way.  Research shows that people are born negative and self-centered and that we need to teach our children how to be positive and unselfish.   Sometimes this doesn’t happen and we grow up to be selfish, negative adults.   This creates a problem in marriages or any relationship because when both sides want their own way and nobody wants to give in, conflict arises.   We need to understand that both sides can’t always be right and consider how important the issue is that you are fighting about.  Most times, we waste hours, days or even longer fighting about the stupidest, most unimportant things.  Selfishness is a huge problem for any relationship and it only destroys, it never resolves anything.

Last week I heard this story about a woman who was fed up with her husband and was considering divorce, but she wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt her before she left him.   You will be surprised at what happens.

A woman was extremely upset with her husband and decided to leave him but she was determined to make him suffer for hurting her and wasn’t sure what to do.  She went to her pastor and explained the situation to him.  She asked what she could do to hurt him very badly.   The pastor told her not to do anything quickly but to take some time so it would have a bigger effect.  For the next three months, she should be as nice to him as she possibly could.   The pastor told her to praise him, cook him great meals, spend time doing things he liked to do, give him hugs and kisses and let him watch his favourite TV programs.  This would make him feel so good that when she finally did give him the bad news, he would be absolutely devastated and she would get her revenge.

The woman did as the pastor told her and started doing everything she could for her husband.  When 3 months had passed, the pastor called her and asked if she was ready to talk about the divorce.  The woman said, ‘No way, I’m enjoying my life now and my husband has started being nice back to me.  I wouldn’t think of getting a divorce.”

I think this story has a great lesson.  That pastor was certainly a wise man.  He knew what might happen when the wife started to be nice to her husband.  He responded favourably to his wife’s actions and the marriage began to repair.  We all want love and kindness.  If we don’t give love and kindness we probably won’t get it back.  If we don’t receive love and kindness, we won’t want to be loving and kind to others.  However, if we are loving and kind to other people, we will likely receive a good return dose of love and kindness.   Kindness has a way of rubbing off on other people.  Many marriages and relationships could be saved if people would start being nicer to each other.    Peaceful relationships are certainly worth working towards.   Sometimes now, just to make peace, even if I know I’m right in a situation, I’ll just let it go.  Some things in life are just not important enough to fight about.  Being right is not such a big deal anyway!  Peace is a big deal!

Bullying doesn’t just happen to children and teens

Until a few years ago, I thought that bullying was something that occurred on the playground at school.  When I was a child, I was bullied because I was small and shy.   I remember a group of  bigger boys cornering me at recess, calling me names and throwing stones.   In high school, I just stayed away from everyone so they couldn’t hurt me, but I still got picked on verbally with rude comments and cruel jokes.    I figured that once I left school, I wouldn’t be bullied anymore and it wasn’t until I was working a few years ago for a temp agency that I had a boss who I realized was a bully.   Luckily I had gained enough confidence in myself to not let his bullying get to me and I quit that assignment.

Bullying can happen to anyone at any age right from young children to seniors.   People who are bullies in their youth will continue to be bullies unless something stops them or until they are taught how to act properly.    Workplace bullying is a growing problem and can result in the loss of jobs for those who are being bullied.  Stats say that up to about 1/3 of workers may be bullied.  We all need to take a stand when we see someone being bullied, whether is a child or an adult, and step in to help the person being bullied.  Don’t just ignore what is happening and walk away.  Research has shown that when people intervene, this can put a stop to bullying.  Speak up and tell the bully to stop.   Tell someone about the incident.  Help in whatever way you can.  Don’t risk your life if there are weapons involved or you are out-numbered – this is when you need to call the police as quickly as possible.

Here is a short video clip on workplace bullying.   http://youtu.be/V-q2VRAxjh8

There are several organizations that are working hard to stop bullying and they need your support.  Here are just a few  www.bullying.org   www.stopbullyingworld.org    www.bullyingcanada.ca   www.antibullying.net

What are you doing to stop bullying?

People watching can be therapeutic

What is people watching?  This is when you go somewhere to observe people without them being aware that you are watching them by glancing quickly back and forth from person to person.  It isn’t done to spy on them or look at them inappropriately, it is done to learn something from their actions.

People watching works best in a crowded area where you won’t be noticed.  You can sit and look around at people acting naturally and not behaving as if they were being studied.  People watching is a great activity that can help you understand people better and give you a different perspective on life.

If you are feeling lonely or depressed, people watching can elevate your mood.  Go to a mall or somewhere that has a lot of people and find a comfortable place to sit.  Smile at people.  Try to figure out what they might be thinking or what kind of person they are.  Surrounding yourself with people will help you get your mind off your own problems and show you that you aren’t alone in the world.

People watching is a great way to teach your children how to accept themselves and be happy with who they are.    Children can become overly immersed in the media and lose their sense of self-worth.   Every day they see images of ‘perfect’ people and they become convinced that there is something terribly wrong with them.  They need to learn the truth and people watching can be a great teacher.

Have your children sit with you and teach them how to inconspicuously look around at all the people walking around.  Talk with them quietly and get them to observe everyone.  Ask them to find two people who look and act exactly the same (without pointing or staring).   This will get them thinking about how different everyone is.   Discuss how we are all unique individuals and we are supposed to be different.    Ask them to show you the people who are ‘perfect’ – those who are stunningly beautiful or extremely handsome (without pointing or staring).  They probably won’t be able to find many of these.  Discuss how most people are just average looking, some may be more attractive than others, but nobody is really perfect and never will be.  This can start an ongoing discussion on beauty and body image and how we should accept ourselves as we are.

People watching can help your children and yourself to build esteem.   It shows life in reality from a real true perspective instead of looking at unrealistic images that are distorted by the media.

 

 

Are you a good friend?

What does it take to be a good friend?

What kind of qualities does a good friend have?

Are you a good friend?  Do you think you have good friends?

There are certain qualities that show friendship and this pertains to both sides of a friendship.  These include:

1. Being genuinely interested in other people instead of trying to get people to be interested in you.   Good friends listen more than they talk.
2. Being positive about life and having a good attitude.  Good friends are comfortable to be with and fun to be around.
3. Being honest and open with others.  Good friends are not hypocrites who try to be something they are not.
4. Being okay with differences in people.   Good friends understand and accept our differences.
5. Being helpful and thinking about what you can do for the other person without expecting something in return.   Good friends think about their friend before themselves.
6. Being there when needed, especially during difficult times.   Good friends are loyal.
7. Being respectful of their opinions, their beliefs and their interests.   Good friends celebrate who you are.
8. Being trustworthy and able to share your thoughts and secrets.  Good friends don’t spread gossip or lie about you.

To have good friends, you must be a good friend.   Are you a good friend?  Do you show a good example to your friends?

Consider these questions……….

What would you do if your friend showed up at your house late one night after you had gone to bed and was crying?  Would you ask your friend to come in so you could sit and talk or would you tell them you are tired and that you’ll talk tomorrow?

What would you do if your friend’s car broke down and called to see if you could give a ride to work?  Would you drive across town to pick up your friend or tell them to call a taxi?

What would you do if a friend got sick and was in the hospital for several weeks?  Would you make time to visit your friend every day or two or just wait until they got home from the hospital?

 

SOME FRIEND QUOTES

A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be.  ~Douglas Pagels

Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.  ~Sicilian Proverb

The antidote for fifty enemies is one friend.  ~Aristotle

The most I can do for my friend is simply be his friend.  ~Henry David Thoreau

A good friend is cheaper than therapy.  ~Author Unknown

A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.  ~Arnold Glasow

Friends are those rare people who ask how you are and then wait for the answer.  ~Author Unknown

A friend is the one who comes in when the whole world has gone out.  ~Grace Pulpit

 

 

 

 

What kind of baggage are you carrying?

As we travel along the pathway of life, we pick up problems and stuff them in our emotional baggage.  This often starts in our childhood and continues on into our adulthood.  By the time we start a serious relationship or get married, we are carrying lots of baggage.

Often we are taught to hide our emotions or push them aside and forget about them.  However, this doesn’t work.  It is normal to feel emotions and we need to acknowledge them.   Avoiding emotions will just result in physical, emotional, mental and spiritual problems that creates excess emotional baggage.  We have to learn how to control our emotions instead of allowing them to control us.

It’s time to unpack your baggage and find out what you are carrying around.  What is in your bags?  Is it anger?  Bitterness?  Hatred?  Pain from an abusive relationship?  A lonely childhood?  Unforgiveness?  Guilt?  A failure? Fear of something?  There are many things you can carry around with you.

Your baggage can be very heavy and hard to manage.   Don’t keep carrying them around with you.  Get rid of those past issues and try to move forward in life.  Find someone you can trust that can help you unpack your bags and sort through any issues you have.  Then try to put away all those things that have been weighting you down and causing you pain.

It is hard to let go of things that you have carried around for a long time, but you can take your baggage and throw it out the door.  Do yourself a favour and start flying through life without all those heavy bags.

 

 

 

The Liebster Award

I want to thank Marnie at www.volunteerfringe.com for nominating me for The Liebster Award.  Blogging is a great way to share our thoughts with others and I feel honoured that my posts are touching other lives.  This award is meant to recognize up-and-coming blogs with less than 200 followers.

The official rules are:

• Post 11 facts about yourself
• Answer the questions of your nominator.
• Pose 11 new questions.
• Post a copy of the badge on your blog
• Nominate 11 other blogs.
• Notify your selected nominees, and include links to the originating blog, as well as to new recipients.

I’m going to offer 6 facts about myself, ask 6 questions and nominate 5 bloggers.

Here are 6 Facts About Me

1. I live in Niagara Canada.
2. I am a wife, mother and grandmother.
3. I enjoy blogging and sharing my thoughts.
4. I have 2 dogs (a shepherd mix and a dachshund-terrier)
5. My favourite place to visit is Nova Scotia.
6. My favourite campground is the Sandbanks close to Picton, Ontario, Canada.

Marney asked only 3 questions.  Here are my answers:

1. What cause are you most passionate about?  I am passionate about helping people build confidence and increase their self-esteem, especially children.
2. Why does that cause matter to you?  I spent most of my life struggling with low esteem and depression which caused numerous problems. I have found ways to build esteem and I want to share my knowledge with others so they can have a better life.
3. How do you plan to volunteer for that cause this year?   My self-esteem workshops are presented free of charge and I will continue to offer them to local organizations.  My ultimate goal is to have a permanent location where I can offer these workshops to individuals on an ongoing basis. 

Here are my 6 questions:

1. What is your ultimate goal in life?

2. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?

3. What inspires you to write?

4. What is your favourite food?

5. What person (dead or alive) has had the biggest positive influence on your life?

6. What would you like to change in your life right now?

Here are My 5 Blogging Nominees who have about 200 or less followers:

http://thoughtsfromanamericanwoman.wordpress.com

http://truthmattersblog.wordpress.com

http://lookinginward.net

http://thekindnesswave.wordpress.com

http://plannedpurity1.wordpress.com

Keep blogging everyone and have a great day!

How can you tell if your child has low-esteem

Does your child have low-esteem?    Esteem is something that we learn starting in our early childhood.  Esteem is how we feel about ourselves.  It is an evaluation of our own worth.  We can develop good esteem if we live in a mostly positive environment surrounded by people who show love and appreciation towards us and others.  We can develop poor esteem if we live in a mostly negative environment surrounded by people who show little love and treat us badly.

If we have low esteem ourselves, we might not realize that our children also have low esteem.   Following is a quiz that will help you figure out if your child struggles with esteem issues.  It might help you understand yourself better also.

Have you ever heard your child say any of the following statements:

• I’m stupid
• I’m a loser
• I’m too fat
• I’m ugly
• I don’t do anything right
• Nobody likes me
• I have no friends
• I’m worthless

Does your child do any of the following:

• Avoid group activities
• Put themselves down
• Blame others when they fail
• Try to control or bully
• Make excuses a lot
• Always worry about what other people think
• Think they aren’t important
• Fear making mistakes or failing
• Lie or cheat to win at something
• Give up easily
• Have no friends
• Doesn’t talk about feelings
• Want other people to fix their problems
• Insecure about self
• Believe they are always wrong
• Easily influenced by peer pressure
• Get into trouble

It is natural for children to feel bad about themselves sometimes, but if they feel this way a lot of the time, it might be a sign of serious problems.   Low esteem can be the cause or result of depression which can lead to serious problems in life.  If you feel that your child has low esteem, it would be a good idea to talk to your family doctor and discuss ways to build their esteem.   If you think that you have a problem with low esteem, discuss this with your doctor and work on building your own esteem, so you can help your child.

According to the National Mental Health Information Center, things that you (or your child) can do to raise self-esteem can include:

•Pay attention to your own needs and wants

•Take very good care of yourself and take time to do things you enjoy

•Get something done that you have been putting off

•Do things that make use of your own special talents and abilities

•Dress in clothes that make you feel good about yourself

•Spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself

•Make your living space a place that honors the person you are

•Display items you find attractive or remind you of your achievements or of special times or people in your life

•Make your meals a special time

•Take advantage of opportunities to learn something new or improve your skills

•Begin doing those things that you know will make you feel better about yourself

•Do something nice for another person

•Make it a point to treat yourself well every day and give yourself rewards when you deserve them

It can also be helpful to change negative thoughts about yourself to positive ones, avoid using negative words, and develop positive affirmations.

10 steps to building confidence

Step 1—SELF-AWARENESS—Do an honest evaluation of your life, both past and present.  Determine the source of your problems and consider what changes need to be made.

Step 2—POSITIVE QUALITIES—Make a list of your positive qualities and start focusing on them by reading them everyday until  it becomes habit.

Step 3—POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS—Write down a few affirmations and put them where you can see them.  Start each day with a positive affirmation and repeat several times throughout the day.

Step 4—POSITIVE MATERIALS—Read inspirational books and listen to tapes, CD’s and DVD’s that will motivate you .   Do this every day and listen carefully to what the materials are telling you.

Step 5—POSITIVE PEOPLE—Surround yourself with positive, supportive people and go to places where you are accepted and uplifted.  Try to eliminate or reduce the time spent with negative people.

Step 6—SELF-ACCEPTANCE—Stop comparing yourself to others and trying to be like the unrealistic images of beauty sent out by the media.  Focus on your own unique strengths and abilities and give yourself praise for being the wonderful person you are.

Step 7—POSITIVE SELF-TALK—Be conscious of any negative thoughts and try to stop them from becoming negative words.  Try writing down your negative thoughts  in a daily journal and then re-word them into positive thoughts.

Step 8—SET REALISTIC GOALS—Determine what your goals are, write them down and work hard to achieve them.  Keep going even when you fail, learn from your mistakes and never give up.

Step 9—VOLUNTEER—Helping others will not only benefit the receiver, it will also benefit the giver.  Volunteering improves our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health.

Step 10—ACTION—Listening  and learning will help get you started on your personal journey to find happiness and success in life.   Now it is time for you to take action and start working on making some positive changes.   People can help us, encourage us and support us, but we are the only ones who can change our lives.  So start right now and live the rest of your life POSITIVELY!!

 

Are you listening to yourself?

Do you ever listen to what you are saying?  I mean REALLY LISTEN! 

Do you encourage yourself or put yourself down?

Do you tell yourself that you did a great job or do you criticize everything you do?

We have a habit of saying negative things to ourselves but not really understanding what impact they have on us.

Our words can affect us in a positive or negative way.  According to stats, we naturally think more negative thoughts than positive thoughts, so of course these negative thoughts will result in negative words that we say to ourselves and others.

You can talk yourself into being miserable.   Yes, you can because I’ve done it a million times.  When you get up in the morning, do you start telling yourself what a bad day it is going to be?  This will put you in a negative mood right away and probably make you miserable for the rest of the day.  “I don’t want to get up.  I don’t want to go to work.  I don’t feel good.”   These are great discouraging statements.

The good news is, you can also talk yourself into feeling good.   Just listen to what you are saying to yourself and start using positive statements.  Stop being critical and making yourself miserable.  Get up in the morning and tell yourself what a great day it is going to be.  It doesn’t matter if you aren’t feeling too good or you don’t want to go anywhere.  If you tell yourself you are going to have a good day and try hard to believe it, you will have a much better chance of having a good day.  If you tell yourself you are going to have a bad day, you probably will have a bad day.  It’s your choice.  Do you want to be miserable or do you want to be happy?  I’ve been miserable long enough and now I choose to be happy, so I’m working on it every day.  How about you?