imconfident

I sincerely believe that it is far more beneficial and far less costly to help a child build confidence than it is to fix an adult who has little or none.

How to have a good day

Almost every day can be a good day if you put your mind to it.  You can get up every morning and walk through the day without really thinking about anything OR you can get up every morning and live purposefully by actually thinking about what is going on and taking positive action.

What is on your mind when you first wake up in the morning?  Worries, doubts, fears?  Why not replace this with anticipation, purpose?  Pursue happy thoughts before you even get up in the morning.  Say positive statements or affirmations that will help put you in a positive mindset.  Don’t let all those negative thoughts put you in a bad frame of mind or you will most certainly have a bad day.

  • “This is going to be a good day!”
  • “I am going to sing all the way to work today!”
  • “I am full of energy!”
  • “I can make a difference in someone’s life today!”
  • “I have an awesome family and friends!”

Never put yourself or anyone else down with negative thoughts or words.  They will come naturally as we are wired to be negative-minded.  But don’t let those negative thoughts float around in your head.  Be aware and catch them quickly before they become negative words and actions.

You CAN have a good day.  Make sure you put your mind to it first thing in the morning!

 

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Focus on the good, not on the bad

Whatever you focus on in life, whatever you put most of your attention towards, this will become the direction of your life.  If you spend most of your time focused on the world’s problems, you will never notice all the good things in life.   There are so many things that can bring us joy:  a child’s laughter, a friendly smile, a beautiful flower, raindrops, a powerful song, a kind word.

We should always be aware of what is going on around us but we should not spend most of our time focusing on our problems.  What does this accomplish?  Absolutely nothing.  It just keeps us feeling overwhelmed with unrest, bitterness, grief, frustration and undoubtedly a lack of hope for anything better.

Instead of wasting our energy focusing on negative things, we should use our energy on trying to become a better person and helping those around us who are struggling.  This is how we can find happiness in our own lives and bring happiness into the lives of others.  Don’t just accept all the problems in the world, try to do your part to make things better.  Here are some ideas that can help you:

  • make a list of things that make you smile
  • think of someone who makes you feel good and give them a call today
  • take someone out for coffee
  • watch a funny movie
  • write down your accomplishments (work, school, volunteering)
  • take a walk and admire the beautiful flowers and scenery
  • take some time to visit a lonely neighbour
  • tell a family member that you love them
  • sit in a quiet place and remember happy past events
  • find out about some local fun events and make plans to attend
  • join an activity group
  • get up and dance!!

Focusing on the good stuff in life will help bring happiness.  Focusing on the bad stuff in life will bring misery.  How do you want to live?

 

 

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Are your words powerful?

Have you ever stopped to consider how powerful our words can be?  Everything that we say can have a huge impact on other people and even ourselves.  Just one little word or phrase can heal a person’s life or it can destroy it.  When we use words that are kind, loving and supportive we can lift people up and make them feel good.  On the other hand, when we say words that are mean, nasty and vindictive we can tear people down and make them feel bad.

Think about words that people say to you:

  • When you felt lonely and a family member said something loving to you, how did it make you feel?
  • When you were feeling down and a friend said something encouraging, did it lift you up?
  • When you were having a bad day at work and your boss told you that you did a good job, did your day go better?

Remember those times when a family member spoke to you in anger or someone at work criticized something you did or a friend told you they were too busy to have coffee with you.  How did those words make you feel?

We should always be careful with our words and choose them carefully.  Don’t let unkind, careless or cruel words come out of your mouth.  Think before you speak especially when you are stressed, tired, angry or upset.  Those are times when even the nicest person can be thoughtless and let words slip out that should never be spoken.

Saying unkind words to ourselves is also a bad thing.  We can be very cruel to ourselves, speaking words we have heard other people say to us or about us.  We need to challenge our self-talk and make sure we are not hurting ourselves with our own words.  What other people say is only a reflection of who they are and not who we are.  We believe a lot of things that are just not true.

We need to understand how powerful our words are and make sure we use them to lift people up, encourage them, support them and show our love.

 

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What kind of example are you?

Unless we are completely alone, everything we say and do has an effect on other people.  We can be a good example or we can be a bad example depending on what kind of words and actions we are using.  The best thing we can do is to lead by example and have a positive impact on everyone around us, especially our children.

  • If you want your children to show respect to others, you can’t call people names and run them down.
  • If you want your children to tell the truth, you can’t call in sick to work and then go and play golf
  • If you want your children to be kind to others, you can’t ignore that homeless person lying on the ground
  • If you want your children to be healthy, you can’t eat unhealthy foods or abuse substances yourself

If you want your children to grow up to become responsible adults, you have to show them what a responsible adult looks like.  You can’t just tell them or try to force them into a mold.   They will learn best from your positive example.

This doesn’t mean that you should try to be a perfect parent.  There is no such thing!  Do the best you can and aim for excellence not perfection.  You will make mistakes.  Don’t try to cover them up and pretend you are perfect.  Show your child that you do fail but that you learn from your mistakes and keep trying to do better.

What kind of example are you?

 

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Give a smile away

Whenever I go to one of the local malls, I always see people sitting alone in the common areas.  Most of these people are seniors who probably don’t have a lot of contact with family and friends.  They come to the mall to sit and watch people so they can at least feel like they aren’t alone.  But does this really help?  Does it make them feel less alone?  I’ve often been in a crowd and still felt very much alone, so just being around people doesn’t fill in that empty space inside.

I feel bad for the people I see sitting alone in the mall but I give them credit for getting out of their house or apartment.  Just the fact that they are getting their bodies moving, breathing some fresh air and socializing at a distance does help them in a small way.  Many people who are lonely just stay inside and rarely venture out except for a doctor’s appointment or to quickly pick up a few groceries.

This is a great opportunity to give a smile away.  When you see someone sitting alone and looking forlorn, make a point of getting their attention and giving them the biggest smile you can manage.  I try to say hello and maybe mention something positive about the day or even compliment them on what they are wearing (if suitable).  If you have a few minutes, maybe you could even sit down beside someone for a quick rest and try starting a light conversation.

Whether you give away a smile, a few kind words or a short conversation, it can make a difference in someone’s life.  You may be the only one who has taken the time to acknowledge them in a long time and it could positively impact them.

Don’t pass up the opportunity to give away a smile.  It costs you nothing but it can have huge rewards!

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Do you feel like a failure?

Do you avoid doing things because you don’t know how it will work out?

Do you hesitate in making changes because you are afraid things might get worse?

Do you avoid situations because you are afraid you will say or do something wrong?

Many of us avoid doing anything that might result in failure.  We are so afraid that we might do something wrong, that we miss out on some great opportunities.  None of us likes to fail but failure is part of being a human.

Everyone makes mistakes.  We are not alone in our failures.  All successful people have failed during their lives but they just use failure as a learning tool to achieving their success.  They keep trying and working through their mistakes until they find a solution that works.

What we have to do is learn how to fail successfully.  Nobody else can succeed for us, so it is important that when we do fail, we just pick ourselves up and try again.  Don’t blame others for your mistakes, don’t make excuses and don’t give up.

Failure isn’t a problem unless you dwell on your failures and stay stuck.  Learn from them and try hard not to make the same mistake again.  We can learn a lesson from everything we do in life.

Failure is just a stepping stone to success.

Step 1 – Analyze your failure.  Why did this happen?  What did I do or say that didn’t work?

Step 2 – Determine what you could do differently the next time this situation comes up.

Step 3 – Write down a plan of action and start moving ahead.

Step 4 – Don’t focus on what happened, focus on what you are going to do.

Step 5 – If you can’t seem to come up with an answer that works, talk to someone you trust and allow them to help you.

Step 6 – Write down your successes, big and small and go over them regularly to remind yourself that you CAN succeed.

 

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Do you expect other people to carry your load?

We all have baggage.  Nobody has gone through life without picking up some problems and many people carry these with them throughout life.   Then when we form a relationship, we combine our baggage and the problems grow.

Many times we expect other people to carry our load.  If we have been treated badly in the past, we carry these hurts with us and we unload our pain on the people around us.   We expect them to solve our problems and bring us happiness and when they can’t follow through, we blame them for our problems.

It is unfair when we try to burden other people with our past hurts.  We have to take responsibility for our own actions and try to deal with these problems so they don’t affect our relationships.  Instead of expecting other people to carry our load, we should be trying to lighten theirs by being upbeat and positive about life.   We are responsible for our own happiness and we can become the bright light in someone else’s life.

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Attitudes can be contagious

Have you ever noticed that when you are around someone who is miserable, that you seem to feel miserable too?  Or when you are around someone who is angry that it makes you feel angry too?  Well, it works the same way when you are around someone who is cheerful and happy.  It makes you want to be cheerful and happy too.

Attitudes can be contagious.  Most people are influenced greatly by the attitude of the people around them.  If you walk into a room where everyone is crying, you will certainly not start laughing.  Yet when you walk into a room full of laughter, it makes you feel light and happy.   Having a positive attitude is much better than having a negative attitude.  When you are around negative people, you feel uncomfortable and probably wish you could leave.  But when you are around positive people, you feel wonderful and enjoy spending time with them.

What kind of attitude do you have?

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Don’t stick your nose in other people’s business

A few days ago, there was an incident at my home that made me remember this phrase.  My daughter’s small dog, Maizie, was staying with us for a couple of days and she was out playing with our two dogs in the backyard.   Our smaller dog is always trying to put her nose and paws under the fence between our property and the next door neighbour, probably to tease the 2 dogs next door.  One of these dogs is big and scary and it growls and tries to bite our dog but thankfully the fence has stopped a disaster from happening.   I was working in the back yard when I heard our 2 small dogs and the big dog next door growling and barking.   Before I could see what was going on, I heard a loud scream from Maizie and I knew that the big dog had hurt her in some way.   As I ran to the fence, I realized she was caught by the big dog and trying hard to get loose.  Finally she broke away and ran over to me with blood dripping down her face.  I was panicking that part of her nose had been ripped off, but as she kept licking her wound, I could see that it was only a couple of small punctures.   Thankfully, it was just a minor incident, but it could have been worse.

The point I want to make is that we have to be careful what we stick our nose into.   We should always try to help someone if we see that they are struggling, but if a situation is out of control or dangerous, we should stop first and consider the best way to handle it.

  • If a friend is noticeably going through a difficult time, it can be helpful if we try to engage them in a conversation and just listen to what they say.   However, if they tell us they don’t want to discuss anything, we have to respect their wishes and let them deal with the situation on their own.
  • If we see someone who is being bullied, we should step in and firmly (not aggressively) help them stand up to the bully.  However if there are 3 bullies and one person being bullied, or they have weapons, we should call the authorities and wait close by in case we are able to help the bullied person.
  • If the family next door is always arguing, we don’t need to keep watching them and sharing what we see and hear with other people in gossip.  This isn’t really our business and we certainly wouldn’t want our personal arguments shared with anyone.  However if they seem to be hurting each other physically,  we should contact the appropriate authorities so they can get the help and protection they need.

It is human nature to want to know what is going on in other people’s lives, but it is not always our right.  Sometimes by sticking our nose into other people’s business it can do more harm than good.  Take each situation into careful consideration and determine what the outcome will be if you interfere in some way.  If you really think it will help, then give it a try.  If not, then leave it alone.

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Think nobody likes you? Wrong!

Never assume people won’t like you.  There are literally millions of people in the world who wish they could have a friend just like you.  Research shows that about 75% or more of the world’s population is lonely and would love to have someone reach out and talk to them.   Like you, they also believe that nobody could possibly like them or want to be their friend.

If you lack confidence and have low esteem, it can be difficult to even try to talk to other people.  Fear of rejection can hold you back from taking that first step and initiating a conversation with someone you don’t know.  It takes courage to approach people but it is well worth the risk as most people will respond in a positive way.   Look around and find someone who seems lonely, smile and say hello.  If you have time, start a conversation.  Be friendly, ask them some basic questions.   It might just brighten their day and lessen the load they are carrying.

Of course, there is the possibility that some people will ignore you or reject you because they may feel so bad about themselves and have closed themselves off to forming any friendships at all.   Their negative response shouldn’t stop you from continuing to try to connect with people.   And there will always be people who won’t want to be your friend because of personality conflicts, jealousy or other issues.   You can never hope to win everyone’s approval.

So if you think that nobody likes you, you are wrong!  If you believe this, then you probably don’t like yourself and you are sending out negative vibes that tell people not to like you!

  • Learn how to build your confidence so you can feel comfortable initiating a conversation.
  • Increase your esteem so you will feel good about yourself.
  • Discover your strengths and abilities.
  • Be thankful for everything you have.
  • Say positive statements or affirmations every day.
  • Show love and kindness to everyone you meet.

When you feel good about yourself and send out positive vibes to other people, they will feel comfortable and enjoy being in your presence.   If you want to have friends, you have to be a friend.

If you would like more information on building confidence and increasing your esteem, visit my website at http://www.imconfident.com.

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