A new year’s challenge to all women

It is a brand new year and time to think about change.  How is your life going?  Do you wish some things could be different?  Change requires action, so if you don’t make some definite plans and put them in action, nothing will change.  I’m not talking about New Year’s Resolutions, which are just nice ideas that start well and end quickly.  I am talking about real change and making your life better.

Life is hard and there is no way to change that fact.  But many of us are searching for perfection and we make our lives way more difficult than they need to be.  Woman especially care too much about what other people think and we believe the lie that happiness is found in other people and things.  We shouldn’t be searching for happiness at all because happiness is short-lived and relies totally on outside sources which will never be what we want them to be.

Growing up, we are very influenced by the world, watching and listening to our parents and other significant adults, believing what they tell us and copying their actions.  Some of us are fortunate to have good role models but most of us grow up feeling somewhat unloved, unwanted and unimportant.  How does that prepare us to face the challenges of the world?  Then add the powerful impact of the media on our lives, and the lie is confirmed that we are not good enough and nobody cares about us unless of course we surround ourselves with possessions.

I want to challenge all women to face any lies from their past and understand that it does not define them.  If people have said or done anything in our past that has hurt us, we need to realize that they are speaking and acting from their own pain or their lack of knowledge.  It is so easy to hurt the people we love because our expectations are unrealistic or way too high.  Nobody will ever be the person we want them to be and we will never be the person they want us to be.

The only person that can make us happy is ourselves.  How?  We need to:

• look at ourselves through the eyes of God instead of the eyes of the world and see ourselves as a beautiful creation, loved and deeply wanted.
• reject any lies that we have heard (not good enough, not smart enough, failure, nobody loves you).  None of these are true.
• replace any lies with the truth that we are lovable, worthy and valuable.
• forgive our family, our friends and any other significant people in our lives for hurting us with their words or actions.
• forgive ourselves for believing lies about ourselves.
• work hard to mend any broken relationships.
• start sharing our love and helping others.

I challenge you to start the New Year by unpacking any baggage that is holding you back from experiencing a wonderful life.  What baggage are you carrying around that is causing pain?  Do you have unresolved anger, bitterness, jealousy or hatred?  It is easy to hold onto negative feelings, but it takes character to release those feeling and forgive.  Unpack those feelings, resolve them and forgive so you can start living a life of joy and peace.

Any problem, big or small, within a family, always seems to start with bad communication. Someone isn’t listening.   Emma Thompson

It’s time for us to turn to each other, not on each other.   Jesse Jackson

Everyone makes mistakes and needs forgiveness.  Holding on to pain just hurts us.  If we are able to forgive others, we will also be forgiven and the pain will be released.  Unknown

 

 

A game plan for happiness

If you could have anything you want in the world, what would that be?  A new car? A better job? An all-expenses paid vacation?  Do you really think any of these will bring happiness and success into your life?  Sadly none of these things can provide you with lasting happiness.  They may temporarily put a smile on your face and some excitement in your life but these will be short-lived.  Nothing in this world can provide you with happiness and success unless you create a game plan for happiness.  What does this involve?

• Change any negative thinking into positive thinking.  When you have negative thoughts, they will keep you from enjoying your life.  Negative thinking is very destructive and can result in physical illnesses, mental issues, workplace problems and relationship breakdowns.   Thinking positive thoughts will change the way you see other people and help you deal with difficult situations.  Saying positive affirmations or positive statements on a daily basis is a great way to create a habit of positive thinking.
• Join an activity group or take a course where you can keep your mind and body active.
• Volunteer for a local organization.  Helping others has been proven to benefit your mind, body and soul.
• Lower your expectations.  We tend to expect more of others than they can give and then we are disappointed. We also expect more of ourselves than we can do and this leaves us frustrated.  By lowering our expectations to a realistic level will help us feel less stressed.
• Stop comparing yourself to others and just try to be the best person you can be.  Use your unique abilities and special strengths and be the confident person you were created to be.
• Love other people.  When we feel anger, bitterness , resentment or hatred towards other people, we cannot be happy.  If we can try to love everyone we know, we will feel happier and have a more successful life.  This can be hard when people are difficult or hurtful but it is possible when we make it a habit to be loving and forgiving.

Happiness is possible when we have the right attitude towards life.  Make a commitment to developing a positive perspective and work at it daily.  You will reap the rewards!!

Positive thinking will let you use the ability which you have and that is awesome.  ~Zig Ziglar

 

Finding happiness

Are you on a mission to find happiness?  We search for happiness everywhere and we often come up empty.  We think that special someone will make us happy and they do for a while but the initial excitement soon wears off and we start looking for someone else.  We think that new job will make us happy and it does for a few months but then it gets too difficult, so we quit and look for another job.  We think that expensive dream vacation, new car, new house or new trinket will make us happy and it certainly does for some time but then when the bills come in and we have trouble paying for them, we soon lose our happiness.

Why do we have so much trouble finding happiness?  It is because we are looking for other people and things to make us happy.  This is a selfish desire and when that person or that thing doesn’t provide us with the happiness we want, we just give up and look for something else.  It is like an addiction.  We crave happiness so we look for a quick fix somewhere.  This is why there are so many relationship and marriage breakdowns today.

If you want to find real happiness, you have to bring happiness to others.  Instead of thinking about what someone can do to make you happy, think about how you can make their life better.  Instead of believing that ‘stuff’ will make you happy, think about what you can give to someone else to make their life better.  When you bring happiness to other people, this is how happiness comes to you.

We live in a selfish world.  One that teaches us to think about ourselves first and try to fill our lives with things that don’t matter.  Loving others and trying to spread happiness around is the only way to find happiness.

Christmas repost from 2012

We all have different holiday traditions and we celebrate according to our beliefs.  Many families gather together to share a meal and open presents.  Others travel to a vacation spot to relax and forget about the stresses of everyday life.   Some people don’t celebrate Christmas because of various reasons and it is just another day for them.  Then there are those who don’t have anyone to spend Christmas with because their families live too far away, they have no family, there is conflict or all their loved ones have passed away.

Most of us have high expectations of Christmas.  We want to spend time with family and friends, enjoying the season.   When this doesn’t happen we feel like something is wrong and we react in a negative way, often hurting ourselves in the process.

Christmas can be a difficult time if you are alone.  However, being alone does not have to result in unhappiness.  Many people spend Christmas alone by choice and they are not lonely or miserable.  It is all a matter of perception.

Instead of feeling bad about the season, try making a list of things you like to do and then take action.   Here are some ideas:

1. Watch some favourite movies, read some books, listen to music.
2. Call some friends and invite them to come for coffee.  They might feel lonely too and enjoy the company.
3. Consider getting a pet if you don’t have one.   They are great companions.  Find one that suits your needs and is easy to care for.  Having a dog is a great excuse for taking a walk.
4. If you belong to a church, make sure you attend Christmas services.  If you don’t, consider attending one as it will help you feel part of the celebration.
5. Organize your home or start a new project.
6. Do something creative.  Starting writing, drawing or do some crafts.
7. Play a game like solitaire or do crossword puzzles.
8. Visit a mall while they are open and watch people.
9. Help volunteer at a soup kitchen or visit a senior home and share yourself with others.  This is guaranteed to bring happiness to all.
10. Always be positive about life.

These ideas are great for anytime of year.  If you fill your life with positive activity and surround yourself with positive people, you won’t have time to feel lonely.  Treat yourself like the special person you are and have a very merry Christmas!  Love to everyone!  🙂

This is the message of Christmas:  We are never alone.  ~Taylor Caldwell

Our days are happier…..

More often means less

We are all driven to believe that if we have more stuff, more power, more money, more anything, that we will be happier.  When are people going to realize that having more does not bring happiness?

At this time in history, we have access to more choices than ever before.  We can have almost anything we want.  Yet depression, anxiety and stress are growing.  We have more stuff but less happiness.  More money but more debt.  More power but feel powerless.  More toys but less fun.

We need to realize that happiness comes from within.  It is how we feel about ourselves and our inner strength.  We can’t buy happiness, gain it through other people or create it from things that aren’t real.

If you want more out of life, start focusing on what is important.  What do you have that adds joy to your life?  What are you passionate about?  What are the things that just take up your time and only bring stress?  Try to eliminate anything that is basically wasting your time and adding no value to your life.  Set your priorities and invest time in those areas.

Life is short.  Make the most of the time you have and have more of what is important.

 

Where does happiness come from?

Have you ever wondered why some people who seem to have everything in life are unhappy, yet other people who have little or nothing seem to be bursting with joy?

People who have lots of money and possessions feel that something is missing.  People who have good looks have trouble making good relationships.  People who have power feel powerless.   People who are surrounded by friends feel alone.  There are so many people in the world who appear to have great lives but they are extremely unhappy and unfulfilled.  On the other hand, people who live in poverty and struggle each day with hunger and sickness are often the happiest people you will meet.

Why does this happen?  Because things of this world are temporary and can only give temporary satisfaction.  Reaching for material things to bring happiness will never give you what you are looking for.  You can have the perfect life, the perfect house, the perfect job, the perfect family and you still won’t be happy.  Of course, it really isn’t possible to have perfection in a world that is far from perfect.  When you look for happiness in objects, they will never be enough.  You have to look inside you and around you.

Happiness comes from being confident in who you are, not who you want to be or what you have.  It is:

• knowing that you have great abilities and qualities that make you different from anyone else
• being thankful for what you have and not desiring things you don’t need
• understanding that you were created to be special and unique
• wanting to help other people and guide them towards a better way of life
• being a positive role model
• having faith in someone bigger than yourself

We all can choose everyday to be happy or not to be happy.  It is all how we look at the world around us and what we do with the gifts we have been given.  When you get up tomorrow, choose to be happy and have a wonderful day!

I’ll be happy when…..

Have you ever said any of the following statements?

• I’ll be happy when I graduate from college.
• I’ll be happy when I get a good job.
• I’ll be happy when I get married.
• I’ll be happy when I have children.
• I’ll be happy when I can buy a new car or a bigger house.
• I’ll be happy when I go on my dream vacation.
• I’ll be happy when I get a better job.
• I’ll be happy when I lose 5, 10, 20, 50 pounds.
• I’ll be happy when my spouse pays more attention to me.
• I’ll be happy when I make more money.
• I’ll be happy when my kids move out.
• I’ll be happy when I retire.

I used to believe that when something good happened to me, I would be happy.   Then when it did happen, happiness was short-lived.

Looking to the future and believing that something or someone will make you happy, is a false belief.  Everyone is searching for happiness but many of us never find it.  We run around like a gerbil on a wheel and keep hoping to fill the emptiness inside.  The problem is, nothing external will satisfy our needs for very long.

If we want to be happy, we have to change the way we think.  Instead of believing that happiness comes from outside, we have to realize that happiness comes from inside.  When we are satisfied with our lives and thankful for what we have, happiness will find us.  We can create our own happiness by having a positive attitude, we don’t have to go looking for it.  We can choose to be happy or we can choose to be unhappy.  Which will you choose?

At the end of the night

Stop focusing on your problems

Everyone has problems in life.  We can’t live in a world surrounded by other people who are different than we are, and not expect to have problems.   Besides being different, we are also selfish by nature and expect everyone else to cater to our needs.  When we don’t get what we want, we often react in a negative way through anger, feeling sorry for ourselves or blaming someone else for our problems.

We can get so wound up in our problems that we forget to look for the good things in our lives.  We focus on the negatives and what we don’t have.  We think about our mistakes and what went wrong.  Our problems take over our lives and leave us feeling miserable, defeated and depressed.

If you want to have a happier, more fulfilling life, it is important that you stop focusing on your problems and start focusing on a solution to your problems.  Be consciously aware of what you are thinking and try to make positive changes.  Here are some ideas:

• If you were to bake a cake and you burnt the edges, you could just toss out the cake, have a crying fit and feel bad about the situation.  OR…..You could cut off the burnt edges and cover the cake with some fluffy icing.  Problem fixed and you can pat yourself on the back for doing a good job.
• If someone said to you some unkind words, you could run away and cry, feeling bad for yourself.   OR…You could ask them why they were unkind and if they were having a bad day.  Maybe they didn’t really mean to hurt you or you misunderstood what they said.  If they did intend to hurt you, then you could tell yourself that they were just unloading their pain on somebody and that you don’t have to take it personally.
• If someone didn’t keep a promise they made, you could feel hurt and never talk to the person again.   OR…You could give them the benefit of the doubt and realize that maybe something happened to distract them.  Keep in communication with them and make sure you confirm any future promises.

Focusing on your problems will just keep you from being happy in life.  Try focusing on the good things, be thankful for what you have and work on possible solutions to any problems.