imconfident

I sincerely believe that it is far more beneficial and far less costly to help a child build confidence than it is to fix an adult who has little or none.

Who is the media?

The media gets blamed for a lot of the problems in the world and rightly so.  Every day we are bombarded with images that influence the way we think about ourselves and others.  We see images of beautiful people living perfect lives that make us feel like there is something wrong with us.  We see ads that tell us we need to buy certain products in order to be accepted and loved.  Our confidence takes a hit and we become a person who feels unworthy and inferior to everyone else.

So, who is the media?  Who is telling us the lies that we are not good enough, that we don’t measure up and that we have no value?  It is not just a screen or an image that we see.  The media is comprised of people just like you and me.  It is people who are creating these images that have a profound influence on us.  We are influenced by everyone and everything that goes on around us.  These influences can be positive or they can be negative.

The ads that promote beauty products are most often created by women.  It is women that are tearing other women down!  Did you ever consider this?  The ads they create tell us:

  • we don’t look good enough (FOR WHAT?)
  • we are too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, etc….(COMPARED TO WHAT RIDICULOUS STANDARD?)
  • we don’t measure up (TO WHAT?)
  • we need to buy their products in order to have friends and be successful (WHY IS OUR FUTURE DEPENDENT ON THEM?)

We need to stop believing what the media tells us. Next time you want to believe something that the media is telling you, stop and consider who is really speaking to you.  The media is just a bunch of strangers who don’t know anything about you and don’t really care who you are.   All they want is to make you feel bad about yourself so they can line their pockets with your hard-earned money.   Don’t believe their lies.   We DO have value.  We ARE good enough.  We DO measure up.  We DO NOT need their products to be a productive and successful human being.  We are fearfully and wonderfully made.  Our value lies in who we are, not in what we look like or what we have.

 

 

 

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The power of low esteem

Many people struggle with low esteem and it affects every area of their lives.  It affects how they feel about themselves, it affects the way they interact with other people, it affects the way they communicate.  Low esteem is destructive.

  1. It makes people feel inferior, that they are worthless, that they have no value.
  2. It makes them feel that they don’t measure up to other people; that everyone else is smarter, better looking, has more friends, is better off financially.
  3. It makes people feel unloved, unappreciated and unwanted.
  4. It destroys relationships.
  5. It leads to communication breakdowns.
  6. It holds you back from using your abilities and skills.
  7. It stops you from reaching your goals.
  8. It destroys your dreams.

Having low esteem will cause you to struggle through life believing that there is something wrong with you.   Often we develop this low opinion of ourselves from living in a negative environment, surrounded by people who struggle themselves with low esteem.  Instead of continuing to believe things that are probably not true, we can change the way we feel about ourselves by challenging our beliefs and learning to develop a positive perspective about ourselves and life in general.

what-you-think-of-yourself-is-much-more-importantWe are all valuable, unique individuals despite what others have led us to believe. Do some self-discovery and find our what an awesome person you really are!  Visit my website at http://www.imconfident.com for more information on building confidence and self-esteem.

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What is growing in your garden?

Most people know that if you want a garden to look beautiful, it requires a lot of care.  You have to plant good seeds in fertile soil and water them regularly.  Once the plants, flowers, shrubs, bushes and trees start growing, you have to provide them with continuous care, pulling any weeds out and pruning back any overgrown branches.  It takes work and you can’t neglect caring for the garden or it will soon become overgrown with weeds and lose its beauty.  Then it will slowly wither and die.

People are like gardens.  If we have had good seeds planted in our lives and have been cared for regularly, we will flourish and grow.  As a child, our parents and other people around us start planting seeds that will either make our garden of life beautiful or unattractive.  Positive seeds of love, encouragement and support will help us create a beautiful character that will help us achieve success in our lives.  Negative seeds of neglect, abuse and despair will help us create an unattractive character that will hold us back from reaching our goals or even having any.

What is growing in your garden?  Have positive or negative seeds been planted?  Are YOU planting positive or negative seeds?

It doesn’t matter what has been planted in your garden up to this point.  If positive seeds have been planted, that is awesome!  Keep growing!  However, if negative seeds have been planted, don’t despair.  YOU can start planting positive seeds in your own life and the lives of others.  How?

  • determine where those negative seeds came from so you are aware of why you think and act the way you do
  • start changing the way you talk to yourself – stop that negative thinking and replace it with positive thinking
  • say positive affirmations to yourself every day and learn to appreciate yourself
  • write down a list of your strengths, abilities and skills
  • increase the time you spend with positive people and decrease the time you spend with negative people
  • always look for the good in people and situations instead of the bad

Work hard to create a more positive perspective on life and build your confidence so you can find the happiness and success you are looking for.  Visit my website at http://www.imconfident.com for more information.

 

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What are you depositing in your bank account?

It’s payday for a lot of people and this means a trip to the bank.  Get that cheque cashed and off to spend some money! Of course with direct deposit, telephone and on-line banking, debit and credit cards, many of us never have to step inside a bank.  All of this can be very convenient but it makes it very easy to spend money without giving any thought to making a deposit into a savings account and leaving it there to grow.

If we keep taking money out of the bank and never make any deposits, there will soon be nothing left and we can become bankrupt.  We can start with a large amount that looks really comforting but it won’t last long if money keeps going out and nothing comes in.  It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand this concept, yet many people don’t pay any attention to their bank balance until they get into serious financial trouble.

It is the same concept for our personal emotional bank account.  Everyday, we deposit emotions into our emotional bank account and this can either fill us up or empty us.  If we deposit positive, healthy emotions like love, acceptance, appreciation and kindness it makes us feel secure and confident.  When we deposit negative, unhealthy emotions into our bank account, it makes us feel insecure and we have little confidence.

We can have a good day and fill our emotional bank account so full that it overflows on other people and helps fill their emotional bank account.  Then the next day we feel miserable and make a huge withdrawal, putting ourselves below empty again.

It is important that we fill ourselves every day with positive emotions, on purpose.  Life can be difficult but we can still face the day with a positive attitude and not let all the small things get us down.  If we always look for the bad in every situation, we will find it, but we can usually find something good if we look hard enough.

Instead of looking at life with a negative perspective, work hard to develop a positive perspective and make deposits not withdrawals!  Then watch your happiness level grow:)

 

 

Every day we need to keep depositing healthy emotions in our own emotional bank account and also into the emotional bank account of others so we can help each other feel confident and keep our esteem strong.

Have  you made a deposit today?  Was it love?  What about appreciation?  A kind word?  A thoughtful deed?  Keep making those deposits and watch the benefits grow!

 

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What kind of example do you present to your children?

Happy Family Laughing in BedDid you realize that your children are watching everything you do and listening to everything you say?   Whenever they are within hearing range, they hear our words and they watch our actions.  Children look up to their parents and want to be just like them.  They look up to their parents for instruction and believe that they are the example they should follow.   Their young minds are trying to digest tons of information while discovering what is going on in the world around them.

It is really important that parents are presenting a good example to their children.  If parents have bad habits, children will often pick them up.  If parents use negative self-talk, children will learn how to speak negatively about themselves and others.  If parents are easily angered, children will have little patience.   If parents obsess about their looks, children will become very self-conscious about their self-image and have little esteem.

When children have positive role models they will become responsible, caring adults.  This doesn’t mean that we have to be perfect parents because there are no perfect parents.  We all make mistakes and we need to show our kids that it is okay to make mistakes as long as we learn from them and keep growing.  The key is to try our best to be the kind of parent that we want our kids to become.

  • If we want our kids to be responsible, we have to be an example of responsibility.
  • If we want our kids to be loving, we have to be an example of love.
  • If we want our kids to be kind, we have to be an example of kindness.
  • If we want our kids to be patient, we have to be an example of patience.
  • If we want our kids to be a person of integrity, we have to be an example of integrity.

What kind of example are you presenting to your children?

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Think nobody likes you? Wrong!

Never assume people won’t like you.  There are literally millions of people in the world who wish they could have a friend just like you.  Research shows that about 75% or more of the world’s population is lonely and would love to have someone reach out and talk to them.   Like you, they also believe that nobody could possibly like them or want to be their friend.

If you lack confidence and have low esteem, it can be difficult to even try to talk to other people.  Fear of rejection can hold you back from taking that first step and initiating a conversation with someone you don’t know.  It takes courage to approach people but it is well worth the risk as most people will respond in a positive way.   Look around and find someone who seems lonely, smile and say hello.  If you have time, start a conversation.  Be friendly, ask them some basic questions.   It might just brighten their day and lessen the load they are carrying.

Of course, there is the possibility that some people will ignore you or reject you because they may feel so bad about themselves and have closed themselves off to forming any friendships at all.   Their negative response shouldn’t stop you from continuing to try to connect with people.   And there will always be people who won’t want to be your friend because of personality conflicts, jealousy or other issues.   You can never hope to win everyone’s approval.

So if you think that nobody likes you, you are wrong!  If you believe this, then you probably don’t like yourself and you are sending out negative vibes that tell people not to like you!

  • Learn how to build your confidence so you can feel comfortable initiating a conversation.
  • Increase your esteem so you will feel good about yourself.
  • Discover your strengths and abilities.
  • Be thankful for everything you have.
  • Say positive statements or affirmations every day.
  • Show love and kindness to everyone you meet.

When you feel good about yourself and send out positive vibes to other people, they will feel comfortable and enjoy being in your presence.   If you want to have friends, you have to be a friend.

If you would like more information on building confidence and increasing your esteem, visit my website at http://www.imconfident.com.

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Use your energy to build confidence

Everything we do takes energy.  It takes energy to get up, get dressed, go to work/school, cook, eat, clean, take care of the family and the list could go on and on.   How we feel about ourselves also uses energy; emotional energy.  Feeling good about ourselves is positive energy and it will give us the confidence to move forward in life.  Feeling bad about ourselves and looking at life with a negative perspective takes an enormous amount of energy.  It literally sucks the energy right out of us and destroys our confidence.

Do you have positive energy or negative energy?  Answer these questions:

  • Do you complain a lot?
  • Are you critical about yourself and others?
  • Do you blow little things way out of proportion?
  • Do you look for the bad things instead of the good things?
  • Do you believe that you can’t change or control your life?
  • Do you blame others for what happens to you?
  • Do you feel like nothing ever goes right in your life?

If you answered ‘yes’ to these questions, you have negative energy. Your confidence and self-esteem could use a good boost.  This can be done by changing your perspective.

Instead of using your energy to dwell on your problems and feel bad about yourself, use your energy to work on building confidence and increasing your self-esteem.  It takes the same amount of energy to feel good or bad about yourself but the results are much different.  Feeling bad results in stress.  Feeling good results in peace.  Try to surround yourself with positive people, places and things and focus on what is good in your life, not what is bad.

Visit my website at http://www.imconfident.com for ideas on how to build confidence and increase your self-esteem.

 

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Becoming confident is hard in today’s world

Society has created a major road block that stops us from becoming confident.  Every day, we are told through the media and other people that there is something wrong with us.  We aren’t good enough, smart enough, pretty enough.  We don’t measure up to society’s standards.  We lack something in our lives.  We need to improve ourselves.  We need to be happier and quicker.  We need to have more money, possessions, power so we can be happy and successful.  With all these unrealistic expectations, how can we possibly feel confident about ourselves?

We have to start looking at life with a proper perspective.  Life is NOT perfect and people are NOT perfect.  We can search for ways to reach the high expectations that the world places on us, and we will NEVER reach those expectations.  We can beat ourselves up every day for not measuring up to someone else’s standards and we will ALWAYS feel like a failure.  We need to look at our own life and set realistic goals and expectations that are attainable.

How can we become confident in today’s tough world?

  • stop comparing ourselves to others and start working on becoming the best imperfect person we can be
  • stop trying be perfect and start realizing that this just isn’t possible
  • stop tearing ourselves down with negative self-talk and start building ourselves up with positive self-talk
  • stop focusing on our flaws and imperfections and start focusing on our strengths and abilities
  • stop thinking that we can’t change our lives and start working hard to make positive changes

We have the power to build our own confidence and increase our esteem.  It just takes a lot of hard work and patience.   For more ideas, visit www.imconfident.com.

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Why I don’t watch much TV

When I was raising my children, I used to enjoy watching some great programs on TV.  We would sit together as a family and watch Little House on the Prairie, The Waltons or Eight is Enough.  If you don’t recognize those names, they were programs from the 70’s and they were wholesome, family viewing.  You didn’t have to worry about your children hearing or seeing anything that was inappropriate.

Today, there is really little on TV that is even worth watching.  In my opinion, there are few programs that are suitable for all ages, but most of the programs show too much violence, sex and the language leaves a lot to be desired.   Our young people are learning that it is okay to engage in activities that are inappropriate, dangerous to their health and damaging to their relationships.  The media promotes violence and sex as being exciting and rewarding when the exact opposite is true.

 

A few days ago, I was sitting with my husband watching TV.   He can’t just sit in our living room and not watch the TV, so when we eat supper, I sit with him and watch a game show.  A commercial came on about some marvelous product that women simply can’t do without.   There was a nice-looking lady talking to a man about some wonderful cream that reversed the aging process.  She even had a small tube of it that you could carry in your purse.  Isn’t that great!  If you happen to feel a wrinkle coming on while you are out, you can just reach in your purse and apply the cream.  Then poof….the wrinkle disappears.  How ridiculous is that?  The problem is, there will be many insecure women who will rush to the phone to buy the product.   Then when the product doesn’t work, these poor women, who are already emotionally damaged, will feel even worse believing it is because something is wrong with them.  It is so sad that companies prey on weak people just to make a buck.

We should be working together to help people feel good about themselves and not be making them feel bad about their self-image.  I meet so many people in my coaching, both women and men, who are so broken and insecure, that they will believe anyone who promises to fix their lives.

What are you watching on TV?  What are your children watching on TV?  Does it help you or hurt you?  Don’t let the media tell you that there is something wrong with how you look.   Instead of trying to find a magic potion to keep us younger or make us good about ourselves, we should be working hard to live a healthy lifestyle – eating properly, exercising and eliminating any bad habits that affect our health.  Then we wouldn’t have as many wrinkles to erase and excess weight to lose.  We would look younger and healthier and stay active well into our senior years.

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Not enough love as a child?

Do you feel that your parents didn’t give you enough love when you were a child?  Did they ignore you or treat you badly in any way?  Did they criticize everything you did or push you too hard to accomplish things?

Parenting is a difficult job and most parents are ill-prepared for being a parent.  They don’t take classes, read books or go to parenting seminars.  They aren’t being a bad parent intentionally, they just don’t know how to parent.  Most of us just “fly by the seat of our pants” using whatever methods we learned growing up, often making the same mistakes that their parents made, not really thinking about what we are doing.

If we haven’t received enough love as a child, we won’t understand how valuable we are and won’t be able to love ourselves.  This creates insecurities and fears that we carry with us through life and causes problems in our relationships.  If we don’t have love, we can’t give love and love is the key ingredient to a happy and successful life.

Did you receive love as a child?  Are you receiving love now?  Are you giving love?  If your answers are ‘no’, then you need to start building your esteem.   How?

  1.  Become aware of who you are.  Discover your abilities, skills and personality traits.   What do you enjoy doing?  What do you do well?  You are a unique and special individual.
  2. Accept your imperfections and flaws.  Focus on your positive qualities and not on the things you don’t like about yourself.   Everyone is flawed and imperfect, even those people that you think has everything all together.  Never compare yourself to anyone else, just be the best person you can be.
  3. Maintain a positive self-image.  Show other people that you are an awesome person and that you like yourself.   Be nice to other people and always be friendly especially with those who seem unhappy or withdrawn.  If you show confidence and give love to others, people will feel comfortable with you and you will get love back.

Just because you didn’t get love from other people, doesn’t mean you can’t start loving yourself and giving love to other people.  Treat yourself with respect and kindness.  You deserve it!

For more information on building esteem, visit my website at http://www.imconfident.com

 

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