We should never measure ourselves against other people because we are all unique individuals. We can’t possibly be the same as somebody else and we are not supposed to be. Many of the people we are comparing ourselves to, are often very insecure about themselves.
Teens need to develop confidence and increase their self-esteem so they will be able to stand up to negative peer pressures and make good choices in life. As parents, we can help our own children and any teens we are connected to. Here are some ways that we can help them build esteem:
- Show love – Take very opportunity to show how much you love your children. No, they don’t just know!!! You have to tell them and show them. A child who feels loved at home won’t go looking for love in all the wrong places.
- Be encouraging – Life will always have problems and teens are very sensitive when they fail or do something wrong. They need to be encouraged to keep going and know that you will support them.
- Have an open mind – Teens need to know that you that you are listening to them and that you are not going to judge everything they say. You may not always agree with what they are saying, but they aren’t you and they will think differently. Be honest and open. Teens will talk to whoever with listen, so make sure that person is you.
- Be a positive role model – Teens always watch the people around them to see how they speak and act, so we need to make sure we are presenting a positive example for them to follow. Be the person you want your teen to be.
- Choose your words carefully – Your words have the power to impact your teen in a positive or negative way. Once your words are spoken, they can’t be taken back, so be very careful you don’t say something that is damaging. Say things that remind them of their great abilities and strengths.
- Spend time with them – Teens do like to spend time with their parents as it makes them feel valued. Plan some special times as a family and also one-on-one, to build a closer relationship. Make sure you aren’t spending time criticizing them or they will prefer to spend time with someone else.
The teen years are very difficult and your teen really needs your love and support. Be there for them and help them navigate through all the challenges they face. You will face obstacles and often feel like nothing is working, but if you keep the lines of communication open and keep trying to maintain a good relationship, your teen will feel your support and know how much you care.
Do not teach your children never to be angry; teach them HOW to be angry. ~Lyman Abbott
Anger is a normal emotion that tells us something is wrong. There is nothing wrong with feeling angry. However, there is something wrong when we can’t control our anger in an appropriate way.
When some people get angry, they blow up immediately hurting everyone around them. Others hide their anger inside until they get to a point where they explode, sometimes over a minor incident. Neither way is very effective.
Many adults do not know how to control their own emotions and are not a good role model for their children. When their children are reacting in anger, often a parent will respond with anger themselves, which doesn’t teach the child a good lesson. I remember times when my children were asked to clean their rooms and when I went to check on them, nothing had been done. To me, they were being disobedient and disrespectful. I started telling them how lazy they were and how tired I was cleaning up their messes. When they just sat there and looked at me without moving to do anything, I got angry and started yelling. Then I would pick up their toys and put them in garbage bags, threatening to throw them away. After I had my own little temper tantrum, I would go to my room and lay down exhausted. I didn’t realize that I was acting very childish and all I had accomplished was to show an example of poor parenting. What did this teach my children? That is was okay to react in anger and that they were lazy and worthless.
It is important that we teach our children that it is okay to feel anger, but also how to deal with their anger. How can we do this?
- talk to them calmly
- be firm
- set a good example
- help them recognize that they are feeling angry
- help the understand why they are feeling angry
- help them deal with the anger in a positive way
Here are some positive ways to deal with anger:
- talk about it with someone who will listen
- write it down or draw a picture
- go for a walk or do some exercise
- deep breathing
- get up and dance
- do some work (cleaning works good for me)
- cry about it (this doesn’t mean you are weak)
- read an anger management book
- read the Bible
For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness. ~Author Unknown
Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath. ~Eckhart Tolle
No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched. ~George Jean Nathan
When your children are talking to you, do you listen to what they are saying? Do you hear the emotion behind their words? Do you understand what they are saying? Do you even care?
Often we become so busy with life that we tend to ignore what our children are saying. Small children can be especially annoying when you are talking on the phone, doing some work or trying to read. They can start chattering away and interrupt your thoughts. Older children or teens might make a comment that seems unimportant or ridiculous and we dismiss them with a quick unfeeling reply.
When children are speaking, it is important that we acknowledge their feelings and try to understand what message they are conveying. If we don’t tune in to their feelings and let them know we are listening, we will lose their trust and they won’t share their problems with us. Children want to communicate with their parents and if they are unable to connect, they will find someone else to talk to. Parents need to listen to their words and try to understand their feelings without being judgmental. Parents may not always agree with what their children are saying or even totally understand, but they have to be willing to listen anyway. This will promote good communication between parent and child and pave the way for a closer relationship.
If your child is trying to communicate with you:
- STOP AND LISTEN!
- Pay attention to what they are saying.
- Read their body language.
- What emotions are they showing? Are they happy or upset, excited or worried, nervous or afraid?
- Look directly into their eyes and encourage them to talk.
- Ask questions and make sure you understand how they feel and try to determine what they need.
- Be supportive, try not to argue or force your opinion and don’t discount their feelings.
Remember back when you were a young child or teenager. Your ideas about life were totally different than they are now. You won’t always see eye to eye with your child but they need your love and support. If they think that you are listening to them with an open mind, they will feel that their thoughts and feelings are important. This will help them build good esteem and become a confident, responsible adult.
Do you listen to your children?
Last year when I started blogging, I wrote an article called, What are we doing to our young people today. If you haven’t read the article, you can click here https://imconfident.wordpress.com/2012/11/03/what-are-we-doing-to-our-young-people-today/ In my article, I pointed out the negative affects that the media has on our young people and how they don’t have enough good, positive role models.
Today I read a few blogs and articles about an incident at the VMA Awards that involved Miley Cyrus, a once innocent young Disney star who played the role of Hannah Montana. I didn’t see the actual program as I rarely watch TV anymore (don’t feel there is much worth watching). I only saw the pictures, but that was enough for me. This young woman who used to be a positive role model for young girls, has now shown the world how little respect she has for her own body by prancing around the stage in a sexual manner. Her performance sends out a very negative message to both women and men and encourages inappropriate sexual behaviours.
Parents and caregivers need to provide their children with a positive, loving atmosphere to grow up in. They need to help their children build esteem so they will respect themselves and others around them. They need to teach their children right from wrong and help them make good choices. TV viewing, internet and cell phone use need to be restricted according to a child’s age so they are not viewing any inappropriate content that will affect them in a negative way. Growing up in a loving, positive environment will help a child build esteem so they will be much better equipped to handle all the negative peer pressure and media pressure that they will encounter.
It is a tough world to grow up in. We need to make sure it isn’t any tougher than it has to be. Be a positive role model to your children and everyone around you so they will become a responsible, caring adult.
What are you doing to your children?
Are you a good role model?
How are you affecting their character?
Are you protecting them from any negative influences?
What kind of person do you want your child to become?
Children are our greatest asset and we need to treat them with the utmost care. They are the future leaders of the world. Let’s take responsibility and start raising them properly!
If I told you to dress for success what would come to your mind? A picture of a nice dress, a tailored suit? Many of us think that we need to look good to be successful and this is certainly true, however being successful is not just how you look on the outside. Success comes from your entire self, both outside and inside.
Have you ever been in a room of people when someone with a tremendous personality walks in? It feels like the entire room lights up and becomes warmer. People stop and turn to give their attention to this person because they exude confidence and success. Is it because of the clothing they are wearing? Is it because they are beautiful or handsome? Not entirely. They probably do look very nice, but it is their personality that shines from within. What type of personality are you wearing? Successful people are dressed from the inside out; their clothing is just the icing on the cake.
When I was a teen, I used to feel that wearing stylish clothing was important to having friends and being successful. Everything I wore had to match and be without marks and flaws. I couldn’t step out of the house without looking as perfect as possible and this attitude carried with me long into my adult years. I realize now that the media had brainwashed me into believing everything important in life was tied up to how I looked. How crazy is this? People I didn’t even know were telling me how I should look and making me feel bad. This craziness had a negative influence on my 2 daughters who were watching me and doing everything I did. I certainly wasn’t a very good role model!
Instead of obsessing about how we look, we should try to build our confidence and increase our self-esteem so we can be happy about who we are and how we look. It is important to try to look our best, but cost and style are not as important as having a good character and a positive attitude towards life.
Are you dressing for success? Or are you trying to find success in your dress?