imconfident

I sincerely believe that it is far more beneficial and far less costly to help a child build confidence than it is to fix an adult who has little or none.

The power of low esteem

Many people struggle with low esteem and it affects every area of their lives.  It affects how they feel about themselves, it affects the way they interact with other people, it affects the way they communicate.  Low esteem is destructive.

  1. It makes people feel inferior, that they are worthless, that they have no value.
  2. It makes them feel that they don’t measure up to other people; that everyone else is smarter, better looking, has more friends, is better off financially.
  3. It makes people feel unloved, unappreciated and unwanted.
  4. It destroys relationships.
  5. It leads to communication breakdowns.
  6. It holds you back from using your abilities and skills.
  7. It stops you from reaching your goals.
  8. It destroys your dreams.

Having low esteem will cause you to struggle through life believing that there is something wrong with you.   Often we develop this low opinion of ourselves from living in a negative environment, surrounded by people who struggle themselves with low esteem.  Instead of continuing to believe things that are probably not true, we can change the way we feel about ourselves by challenging our beliefs and learning to develop a positive perspective about ourselves and life in general.

what-you-think-of-yourself-is-much-more-importantWe are all valuable, unique individuals despite what others have led us to believe. Do some self-discovery and find our what an awesome person you really are!  Visit my website at http://www.imconfident.com for more information on building confidence and self-esteem.

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Do you gossip?

The truth is we all gossip.  Gossip is idle talk about the personal or private affairs of others.  It is a natural and expected part of our lives and helps us learn how to relate to others.  If we are sharing good news about something positive and exciting, gossip can be a good thing.

However, problems can arise when we start talking about things that are mean, nasty, inaccurate or incomplete.  If we discover a person doing something we think is wrong, we may want to share the information, not even knowing if what we saw has a good explanation.  We can even add information that isn’t true, just to make the story more interesting and to make the person look really bad.  This can start vicious rumours that embarrass or humiliate the person.

Gossiping that is intended to hurt someone is NEVER appropriate.  Often we don’t know the whole story behind what we saw and it isn’t our business anyway.  The only time we should gossip about something serious is when it is a matter of life and death.   We certainly wouldn’t like other people to gossip about us, so we should extend the same courtesy.

Do you gossip?  Does it hurt other people?  If you are a parent, gossiping is a bad thing to model to your children.  You are teaching them how to hurt other people and this will eventually end up hurting them.  Be a positive role model.  Be careful with your words and try not to gossip.  If you catch your child gossiping, talk to them and discuss why it is wrong.  Explain how it can hurt people and damage relationships.  Help them develop empathy and make sure they apologize to anyone they have hurt.

 

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What does your tone of voice indicate?

Studies show that about 90% of life’s daily friction is caused by the wrong tone of voice!  This means it is not just important that you choose the right words when speaking with others, it means that you also need to be careful about the tone you use.

How do you communicate with your family, friends, co-workers and other people you meet?  Does your voice indicate anger, frustration, irritation, disappointment or does it indicate love, calmness, reassurance and/or support?  It makes a huge difference how you say things.

Look at this sentence, “I’d like to speak with you if you have a moment“.  If you say this in an angry or irritated voice, it conveys the message that there is something wrong and the person you are speaking to will be very apprehensive about meeting with you.  If you say it in a friendly manner, it conveys the message that you are going to have a pleasant conversation.

Instead of speaking to people in a voice that is angry, disappointed or frustrated, try to keep your emotions under control.  Take a minute to think about what you want to say, calm yourself down and then speak lovingly and calmly.  It takes ongoing practice but the results are so worthwhile.

 

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Make 2016 a year of fewer regrets

Everyone has regrets.  Being human causes us to say or do things that we wish we hadn’t said or done.  This can cause relationship problems with our families, friends, co-workers and any else we come into contact with.  We have to think carefully before we speak or put our words into actions.  We can also regret NOT saying something to a loved one or NOT doing something that we dreamed about or following a goal.

In different studies, people were asked what their biggest regrets in life were.  Many of these people were older or dying and they all seemed to have similar regrets.  Here are the top five listed:

  1. I wish I hadn’t spent my life trying to live up to other people’s expectations.  We all want other people to like us and we will do our best to fit in even if it takes away our own uniqueness.  We believe the lie that if we make other people happy than we will have lots of friends and be happy.  Our childhood dreams drift away and are forgotten.
  2. I wish I hadn’t worked so much.  We all need to make money so we can survive, but money doesn’t buy happiness.  Working long hours robs people of valuable time they could have spent with their family and friends.  Sadly all the money they accumulated does not replace a close, loving relationship.
  3. I wish I had told people how I felt about them.  Many people try to hide their feelings or don’t know how to show their love to others.  This can send a wrong message to their loved ones that they don’t care which will cause them to go through life feeling unloved, unwanted and unappreciated.
  4. I wish I had worked harder on my relationships.  Life can become so busy that we don’t take the time to keep in touch with family and friends.  Special occasions often get missed because people can’t find the time to get together.  Even families can have so many activities going on, that they rarely share a meal or spend much time together.  As we get older, we have more time, but it may be too late to re-connect with people that we have pushed aside for so long.
  5. I wish that I had made the choice to be happy.  Many of us don’t realize that we have the choice as to whether we will be happy or unhappy.  Of course, life happens and there are situations that will cause us pain and misery.  But even during difficult situations, we still have the choice as to how we can react.  We can remain in our pain and dwell on the negatives in our life or we can deal with the pain and move on with a positive attitude.

The problem is, many people live their lives, not paying attention to the fact that life is passing them by and soon they will have regrets.  Start this new year right, think about what is important in your life and then take action.

  • Work hard, but not so hard that you don’t have time for your loved ones.
  • Live up to your own expectations and follow your dreams.
  • Tell your family and friends how much you care about them.
  • Build strong relationships.
  • Choose to be happy.

Make 2016 a year of fewer regrets!

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What kind of example do you present to your children?

Happy Family Laughing in BedDid you realize that your children are watching everything you do and listening to everything you say?   Whenever they are within hearing range, they hear our words and they watch our actions.  Children look up to their parents and want to be just like them.  They look up to their parents for instruction and believe that they are the example they should follow.   Their young minds are trying to digest tons of information while discovering what is going on in the world around them.

It is really important that parents are presenting a good example to their children.  If parents have bad habits, children will often pick them up.  If parents use negative self-talk, children will learn how to speak negatively about themselves and others.  If parents are easily angered, children will have little patience.   If parents obsess about their looks, children will become very self-conscious about their self-image and have little esteem.

When children have positive role models they will become responsible, caring adults.  This doesn’t mean that we have to be perfect parents because there are no perfect parents.  We all make mistakes and we need to show our kids that it is okay to make mistakes as long as we learn from them and keep growing.  The key is to try our best to be the kind of parent that we want our kids to become.

  • If we want our kids to be responsible, we have to be an example of responsibility.
  • If we want our kids to be loving, we have to be an example of love.
  • If we want our kids to be kind, we have to be an example of kindness.
  • If we want our kids to be patient, we have to be an example of patience.
  • If we want our kids to be a person of integrity, we have to be an example of integrity.

What kind of example are you presenting to your children?

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If you owned a pedigree dog, would you feed it french fries?

If you owned a special animal like a pedigree dog or race horse that was considered to have great value, how would you treat it?   Most people would take great care in feeding it healthy foods, keeping it well-groomed and making sure it got plenty of rest.  You certainly wouldn’t feed it junk food like french fries and chocolate bars.  You wouldn’t leave it standing in the rain and all covered with mud.  You wouldn’t keep it up late nights exercising or doing some kind of work.

Yet, how do we treat ourselves?  We fill our bodies with unhealthy foods, don’t always take time to care for our bodies and we fill our days with so many activities that we don’t have enough time for a proper night’s sleep.  Do we not consider ourselves as valuable?  For many of us, the answer is ‘no’.  We don’t treat ourselves as the special, unique and valuable person that we are.

We have to realize that we only get one body for life and it is very important that we take good care of it.  Eating healthy foods, exercising and getting proper rest is the key to having good health and maintaining a healthy body.  If we don’t take care of ourselves, we can end up with serious health issues as we grow older.

You are much more valuable than a pedigree dog, so start taking care of your health today!

 

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Think nobody likes you? Wrong!

Never assume people won’t like you.  There are literally millions of people in the world who wish they could have a friend just like you.  Research shows that about 75% or more of the world’s population is lonely and would love to have someone reach out and talk to them.   Like you, they also believe that nobody could possibly like them or want to be their friend.

If you lack confidence and have low esteem, it can be difficult to even try to talk to other people.  Fear of rejection can hold you back from taking that first step and initiating a conversation with someone you don’t know.  It takes courage to approach people but it is well worth the risk as most people will respond in a positive way.   Look around and find someone who seems lonely, smile and say hello.  If you have time, start a conversation.  Be friendly, ask them some basic questions.   It might just brighten their day and lessen the load they are carrying.

Of course, there is the possibility that some people will ignore you or reject you because they may feel so bad about themselves and have closed themselves off to forming any friendships at all.   Their negative response shouldn’t stop you from continuing to try to connect with people.   And there will always be people who won’t want to be your friend because of personality conflicts, jealousy or other issues.   You can never hope to win everyone’s approval.

So if you think that nobody likes you, you are wrong!  If you believe this, then you probably don’t like yourself and you are sending out negative vibes that tell people not to like you!

  • Learn how to build your confidence so you can feel comfortable initiating a conversation.
  • Increase your esteem so you will feel good about yourself.
  • Discover your strengths and abilities.
  • Be thankful for everything you have.
  • Say positive statements or affirmations every day.
  • Show love and kindness to everyone you meet.

When you feel good about yourself and send out positive vibes to other people, they will feel comfortable and enjoy being in your presence.   If you want to have friends, you have to be a friend.

If you would like more information on building confidence and increasing your esteem, visit my website at http://www.imconfident.com.

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Toxic people

What is a toxic person?  How can you tell if someone is toxic and how do you deal with it?

A toxic person is someone who has been badly hurt and are not able to take responsibility for their feelings and actions.  They will blame others for their problems and try to get their needs met in unhealthy ways.   They may be controlling, critical of themselves and others, complain constantly, harm themselves with substances or in other ways.  They may gossip and spread false rumours, bully or treat others badly.  Toxic people are stuck in bad behaviours and often aren’t even aware that they have a problem.

You can tell if someone is toxic by these signs:

  • you are uncomfortable in their presence
  • you feel like they are trying to control you
  • your energy is drained
  • you feel bad about yourself
  • you feel like you have to try and help them
  • you are affected negatively by their actions and words
  • you don’t feel respected by them
  • you want to leave as soon as possible

 

When you are in a toxic relationship:

  • focus on your priorities and consider what you want to get out of the relationship
  • don’t compromise your values just to make peace
  • set realistic boundaries and make sure you stick to them
  • try to talk to the person and tell them how you feel (I feel hurt when you say this.  I need you to think about why you act this way.  I would like our relationship to get better but we need to start talking about these issues.)
  • stop trying to fix them
  • start being a positive example
  • encourage them to find professional help
  • pray for them

If you have been trying to repair the relationship and nothing seems to be changing, you may have to end it.  Tell the person that you love them and want to be a part of their life, but for now you are unable to continue the relationship until they are willing to make some positive changes.  If possible, stay in touch with them from time to time and continue to be a positive example.

 

 

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ARE YOU LOGICAL ABOUT DIETING?

Gaining weight is a problem with many of us.  We like to eat and we aren’t always careful about eating healthy.  Why is it that junk food tastes good?  And then when we gain a few pounds, we feel bad and try to figure out how we can lose it as quickly as possible.

The problem is, we don’t look at dieting in a logical way.  Deep down, we know that we can’t lose months or years of added pounds in a few weeks but we still try anyway.  We look for the quick fix, the promise of looking good in a short time.  Then we try all sorts of stupid diets and buy equipment that doesn’t meet our expectations, which is just a waste of time and money because it won’t work.

If we took some time and set some realistic goals for healthy eating combined with regular exercise, we would soon start to notice some weight loss.  Of course, when I say soon, I don’t mean in a few days or weeks.  It takes months of commitment, patience and living a healthy lifestyle to lose any excess weight and maintain it.  Positive change does not come instantly no matter how much we want it to happen.

In setting realistic dieting goals we first need to determine what our ideal weight should be depending on our height and body shape.  Society tells us that we should strive to be skinny but this isn’t logical when people come in all shapes and sizes.  Everyone cannot be a size 5!  Then we have to create an action plan that includes healthy eating and daily exercise.  Meals should never be skipped and should include fresh fruits, vegetables, protein, dairy and grains.   Anyone with health issues or allergies should work on a diet plan with their doctor.

It takes discipline to lose weight.   Companies that sell diet products and equipment will promise you a quick fix knowing that it will likely not work, just so they can make money.  Don’t fall for their empty promises.  The fact is, 95% of the people who go on diets are NOT successful, so why waste your time and money on something that WILL FAIL and make you feel worse about yourself.  Eating healthy and exercising daily is the ONLY successful way to diet.

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Our false beliefs

Most of us live our lives believing things that are not true.   From early childhood, we hear and see things that are presented as the truth.  If you tell a small child that all dogs will bite, they will develop a false fear of all dogs.   If you tell a child they are stupid, they will grow up believing they can’t accomplish much in life.  If you tell a child that they have to get top marks in school or they will be a failure, they will have insecurities about their abilities.

We develop distorted ideas about ourselves and we search endlessly looking for the perfect life, when there is no such thing.  Nobody or nothing in this world is perfect!   We fill our days with endless activities, trying to accomplish as much as we can and accumulate as many possessions as we can cram into our houses.

Some of our false beliefs include:

  • Nobody loves or accepts me.  WHO doesn’t?  Everybody in the world?  Of course not, there is always somebody in the world that loves and accepts you.  Maybe the people around you right now don’t seem to, so get involved in a group with similar interests and make some new friends.  Besides, those people who you are trying to impress – you probably won’t even be around them in 5-10 years or even remember who they were.  Most people we want to like us are not even worth bothering about.
  • I’m too stupid to make it.  Make what?  What is IT referring to?  We all make this statement, but do we really think about what we are talking about.   And who told you that you were stupid?  Was it a response to a mistake you made or was someone just being mean?  Try to determine why you have labelled yourself this way and change your thinking.  We all do stupid things, but we are NOT stupid.  Find something specific (a goal) and then determine HOW or IF you can reach this goal.   When you know what the “IT” means, you can take action.
  • I just can’t measure up.  To who or what?  Are you playing the comparison game?  This is a dangerous game you can never win.  There will always be someone ahead of you at school, work or in the community.  Just remember, there is always someone behind you too.  So just work on building your own skills and don’t give up.
  • I’ll never be a success.  What do you consider to be a success?  Have people told you that you need to have a great job to be a success?  Lots of money?  Expensive cars?  Possessions?  The world pressures us into believing that we need to accumulate wealth and treasure to be successful but this isn’t true at all.  We can build up our own rich empire and be poor in relationships.   Or we can live on a modest income and be surrounded by people who love and support us.  It all depends on how you measure success.

What are your false beliefs?

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