imconfident

I sincerely believe that it is far more beneficial and far less costly to help a child build confidence than it is to fix an adult who has little or none.

A new year’s challenge to all women

It is a brand new year and time to think about change.  How is your life going?  Do you wish some things could be different?  Change requires action, so if you don’t make some definite plans and put them in action, nothing will change.  I’m not talking about New Year’s Resolutions, which are just nice ideas that start well and end quickly.  I am talking about real change and making your life better.

Life is hard and there is no way to change that fact.  But many of us are searching for perfection and we make our lives way more difficult than they need to be.  Woman especially care too much about what other people think and we believe the lie that happiness is found in other people and things.  We shouldn’t be searching for happiness at all because happiness is short-lived and relies totally on outside sources which will never be what we want them to be.

Growing up, we are very influenced by the world, watching and listening to our parents and other significant adults, believing what they tell us and copying their actions.  Some of us are fortunate to have good role models but most of us grow up feeling somewhat unloved, unwanted and unimportant.  How does that prepare us to face the challenges of the world?  Then add the powerful impact of the media on our lives, and the lie is confirmed that we are not good enough and nobody cares about us unless of course we surround ourselves with possessions.

I want to challenge all women to face any lies from their past and understand that it does not define them.  If people have said or done anything in our past that has hurt us, we need to realize that they are speaking and acting from their own pain or their lack of knowledge.  It is so easy to hurt the people we love because our expectations are unrealistic or way too high.  Nobody will ever be the person we want them to be and we will never be the person they want us to be.

The only person that can make us happy is ourselves.  How?  We need to:

  • look at ourselves through the eyes of God instead of the eyes of the world and see ourselves as a beautiful creation, loved and deeply wanted.
  • reject any lies that we have heard (not good enough, not smart enough, failure, nobody loves you).  None of these are true.
  • replace any lies with the truth that we are lovable, worthy and valuable.
  • forgive our family, our friends and any other significant people in our lives for hurting us with their words or actions.
  • forgive ourselves for believing lies about ourselves.
  • work hard to mend any broken relationships.
  • start sharing our love and helping others.

I challenge you to start the New Year by unpacking any baggage that is holding you back from experiencing a wonderful life.  What baggage are you carrying around that is causing pain?  Do you have unresolved anger, bitterness, jealousy or hatred?  It is easy to hold onto negative feelings, but it takes character to release those feeling and forgive.  Unpack those feelings, resolve them and forgive so you can start living a life of joy and peace.

Any problem, big or small, within a family, always seems to start with bad communication. Someone isn’t listening.   Emma Thompson

It’s time for us to turn to each other, not on each other.   Jesse Jackson

Everyone makes mistakes and needs forgiveness.  Holding on to pain just hurts us.  If we are able to forgive others, we will also be forgiven and the pain will be released.  Unknown

 

 

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What kind of seeds are you planting?

Do you know how many thoughts humans have each day?  Research says that we have between 12,000 to 60,000 and about 80% of these thoughts are negative.  Therefore it is important that we develop a habit of positive thinking so we don’t wear ourselves out with defeatist negative thinking.

When we are born, our thoughts are self-centered and negative.  Everything we see and hear has an effect on our emotional, mental, social and spiritual growth.  This is why it is so important that we plant positive seeds in our children and others around us, so they will learn and grow in a positive way.

What if we have grown up in a negative environment and nobody has planted positive seeds in our lives?  It is never too late to change and we can start planting our own positive seeds so we can become a good role model and have a positive effect on the people around us.

Everything we do is a reflection of how we think. Our positive and negative thoughts are shown in our words and actions. If we could all start planting positive seeds in the people around us, think about how beautiful this world could be.

How many positive seeds can you plant today?

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A dangerous weapon

Did you know that you carry a very dangerous weapon with you? Most people don’t even realize that they carry a weapon that is so destructive it can tear apart families, destroy relationships and even cause death.

Our tongue is a huge weapon. It is a very small part of us but it holds the power of life and death. It can be more dangerous than guns or knives and cause a mountain of damage in our lives.

We can choose to use positive words or negative words. Positive words can impart valuable information, be encouraging or bring happiness to others. Negative words can spread lies, discourage and hurt others. Words can also hurt ourselves when we are using negative self-talk and repeating the lies that others have said to us.

There is a reason why we have 1 tongue, 2 eyes and 2 ears. We SHOULD listen more and see more than we speak. Sadly many people lash out at others before they even consider the consequences of their words. Bullying is a good example of how words affect people.

We need to be very careful with our “dangerous weapon” and try to “kill” people with kindness instead of destroying them with our words.  Think carefully before you speak.  Practice changing any negative thoughts into positive thoughts and create a habit of positive thinking.

 

 

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Who are you trying to impress?

Many of us spend our entire lives trying to impress other people.  We spend money on things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like or even know.  We want to look good so we can be well received by others at work, school or anywhere we go in the community.  There is certainly nothing wrong with wanting to do good job and get positive feedback from other people but when we place our value on what other people think, we are never going to feel good about ourselves.  Trying to impress others is giving our power to them and will ultimately lead to stress and frustration.

Our value does NOT come from what we have or what we do.  Our value comes from who we are!  Getting validation or acknowledgment from others is nice but this should never replace how we feel about ourselves.  Instead of wasting time and energy trying to impress others, we should be trying to impress ourselves.  This means we should just try to be a better person than we were yesterday.  Be authentic to yourself and work on improving your character and building confidence.  When you accomplish something, give yourself a big pat on the back and tell yourself what a great job you did.  Don’t wait for others make you feel valuable – do it yourself!  You are worth it!

 

 

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The power of low esteem

Many people struggle with low esteem and it affects every area of their lives.  It affects how they feel about themselves, it affects the way they interact with other people, it affects the way they communicate.  Low esteem is destructive.

  1. It makes people feel inferior, that they are worthless, that they have no value.
  2. It makes them feel that they don’t measure up to other people; that everyone else is smarter, better looking, has more friends, is better off financially.
  3. It makes people feel unloved, unappreciated and unwanted.
  4. It destroys relationships.
  5. It leads to communication breakdowns.
  6. It holds you back from using your abilities and skills.
  7. It stops you from reaching your goals.
  8. It destroys your dreams.

Having low esteem will cause you to struggle through life believing that there is something wrong with you.   Often we develop this low opinion of ourselves from living in a negative environment, surrounded by people who struggle themselves with low esteem.  Instead of continuing to believe things that are probably not true, we can change the way we feel about ourselves by challenging our beliefs and learning to develop a positive perspective about ourselves and life in general.

what-you-think-of-yourself-is-much-more-importantWe are all valuable, unique individuals despite what others have led us to believe. Do some self-discovery and find our what an awesome person you really are!  Visit my website at http://www.imconfident.com for more information on building confidence and self-esteem.

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Do you gossip?

The truth is we all gossip.  Gossip is idle talk about the personal or private affairs of others.  It is a natural and expected part of our lives and helps us learn how to relate to others.  If we are sharing good news about something positive and exciting, gossip can be a good thing.

However, problems can arise when we start talking about things that are mean, nasty, inaccurate or incomplete.  If we discover a person doing something we think is wrong, we may want to share the information, not even knowing if what we saw has a good explanation.  We can even add information that isn’t true, just to make the story more interesting and to make the person look really bad.  This can start vicious rumours that embarrass or humiliate the person.

Gossiping that is intended to hurt someone is NEVER appropriate.  Often we don’t know the whole story behind what we saw and it isn’t our business anyway.  The only time we should gossip about something serious is when it is a matter of life and death.   We certainly wouldn’t like other people to gossip about us, so we should extend the same courtesy.

Do you gossip?  Does it hurt other people?  If you are a parent, gossiping is a bad thing to model to your children.  You are teaching them how to hurt other people and this will eventually end up hurting them.  Be a positive role model.  Be careful with your words and try not to gossip.  If you catch your child gossiping, talk to them and discuss why it is wrong.  Explain how it can hurt people and damage relationships.  Help them develop empathy and make sure they apologize to anyone they have hurt.

 

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What does your tone of voice indicate?

Studies show that about 90% of life’s daily friction is caused by the wrong tone of voice!  This means it is not just important that you choose the right words when speaking with others, it means that you also need to be careful about the tone you use.

How do you communicate with your family, friends, co-workers and other people you meet?  Does your voice indicate anger, frustration, irritation, disappointment or does it indicate love, calmness, reassurance and/or support?  It makes a huge difference how you say things.

Look at this sentence, “I’d like to speak with you if you have a moment“.  If you say this in an angry or irritated voice, it conveys the message that there is something wrong and the person you are speaking to will be very apprehensive about meeting with you.  If you say it in a friendly manner, it conveys the message that you are going to have a pleasant conversation.

Instead of speaking to people in a voice that is angry, disappointed or frustrated, try to keep your emotions under control.  Take a minute to think about what you want to say, calm yourself down and then speak lovingly and calmly.  It takes ongoing practice but the results are so worthwhile.

 

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Make 2016 a year of fewer regrets

Everyone has regrets.  Being human causes us to say or do things that we wish we hadn’t said or done.  This can cause relationship problems with our families, friends, co-workers and any else we come into contact with.  We have to think carefully before we speak or put our words into actions.  We can also regret NOT saying something to a loved one or NOT doing something that we dreamed about or following a goal.

In different studies, people were asked what their biggest regrets in life were.  Many of these people were older or dying and they all seemed to have similar regrets.  Here are the top five listed:

  1. I wish I hadn’t spent my life trying to live up to other people’s expectations.  We all want other people to like us and we will do our best to fit in even if it takes away our own uniqueness.  We believe the lie that if we make other people happy than we will have lots of friends and be happy.  Our childhood dreams drift away and are forgotten.
  2. I wish I hadn’t worked so much.  We all need to make money so we can survive, but money doesn’t buy happiness.  Working long hours robs people of valuable time they could have spent with their family and friends.  Sadly all the money they accumulated does not replace a close, loving relationship.
  3. I wish I had told people how I felt about them.  Many people try to hide their feelings or don’t know how to show their love to others.  This can send a wrong message to their loved ones that they don’t care which will cause them to go through life feeling unloved, unwanted and unappreciated.
  4. I wish I had worked harder on my relationships.  Life can become so busy that we don’t take the time to keep in touch with family and friends.  Special occasions often get missed because people can’t find the time to get together.  Even families can have so many activities going on, that they rarely share a meal or spend much time together.  As we get older, we have more time, but it may be too late to re-connect with people that we have pushed aside for so long.
  5. I wish that I had made the choice to be happy.  Many of us don’t realize that we have the choice as to whether we will be happy or unhappy.  Of course, life happens and there are situations that will cause us pain and misery.  But even during difficult situations, we still have the choice as to how we can react.  We can remain in our pain and dwell on the negatives in our life or we can deal with the pain and move on with a positive attitude.

The problem is, many people live their lives, not paying attention to the fact that life is passing them by and soon they will have regrets.  Start this new year right, think about what is important in your life and then take action.

  • Work hard, but not so hard that you don’t have time for your loved ones.
  • Live up to your own expectations and follow your dreams.
  • Tell your family and friends how much you care about them.
  • Build strong relationships.
  • Choose to be happy.

Make 2016 a year of fewer regrets!

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What kind of example do you present to your children?

Happy Family Laughing in BedDid you realize that your children are watching everything you do and listening to everything you say?   Whenever they are within hearing range, they hear our words and they watch our actions.  Children look up to their parents and want to be just like them.  They look up to their parents for instruction and believe that they are the example they should follow.   Their young minds are trying to digest tons of information while discovering what is going on in the world around them.

It is really important that parents are presenting a good example to their children.  If parents have bad habits, children will often pick them up.  If parents use negative self-talk, children will learn how to speak negatively about themselves and others.  If parents are easily angered, children will have little patience.   If parents obsess about their looks, children will become very self-conscious about their self-image and have little esteem.

When children have positive role models they will become responsible, caring adults.  This doesn’t mean that we have to be perfect parents because there are no perfect parents.  We all make mistakes and we need to show our kids that it is okay to make mistakes as long as we learn from them and keep growing.  The key is to try our best to be the kind of parent that we want our kids to become.

  • If we want our kids to be responsible, we have to be an example of responsibility.
  • If we want our kids to be loving, we have to be an example of love.
  • If we want our kids to be kind, we have to be an example of kindness.
  • If we want our kids to be patient, we have to be an example of patience.
  • If we want our kids to be a person of integrity, we have to be an example of integrity.

What kind of example are you presenting to your children?

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If you owned a pedigree dog, would you feed it french fries?

If you owned a special animal like a pedigree dog or race horse that was considered to have great value, how would you treat it?   Most people would take great care in feeding it healthy foods, keeping it well-groomed and making sure it got plenty of rest.  You certainly wouldn’t feed it junk food like french fries and chocolate bars.  You wouldn’t leave it standing in the rain and all covered with mud.  You wouldn’t keep it up late nights exercising or doing some kind of work.

Yet, how do we treat ourselves?  We fill our bodies with unhealthy foods, don’t always take time to care for our bodies and we fill our days with so many activities that we don’t have enough time for a proper night’s sleep.  Do we not consider ourselves as valuable?  For many of us, the answer is ‘no’.  We don’t treat ourselves as the special, unique and valuable person that we are.

We have to realize that we only get one body for life and it is very important that we take good care of it.  Eating healthy foods, exercising and getting proper rest is the key to having good health and maintaining a healthy body.  If we don’t take care of ourselves, we can end up with serious health issues as we grow older.

You are much more valuable than a pedigree dog, so start taking care of your health today!

 

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