imconfident

I sincerely believe that it is far more beneficial and far less costly to help a child build confidence than it is to fix an adult who has little or none.

How to help your teen build esteem

We should never measure ourselves against other people because we are all unique individuals.  We can’t possibly be the same as somebody else and we are not supposed to be.  Many of the people we are comparing ourselves to, are often very insecure about themselves.

Teens need to develop confidence and increase their self-esteem so they will be able to stand up to negative peer pressures and make good choices in life.  As parents, we can help our own children and any teens we are connected to.  Here are some ways that we can help them build esteem:

  1. Show love – Take very opportunity to show how much you love your children.  No, they don’t just know!!! You have to tell them and show them.  A child who feels loved at home won’t go looking for love in all the wrong places.
  2. Be encouraging – Life will always have problems and teens are very sensitive when they fail or do something wrong.  They need to be encouraged to keep going and know that you will support them.
  3. Have an open mind – Teens need to know that you that you are listening to them and that you are not going to judge everything they say.   You may not always agree with what they are saying, but they aren’t you and they will think differently.  Be honest and open.  Teens will talk to whoever with listen, so make sure that person is you.
  4. Be a positive role model – Teens always watch the people around them to see how they speak and act, so we need to make sure we are presenting a positive example for them to follow.  Be the person you want your teen to be.
  5. Choose your words carefully – Your words have the power to impact your teen in a positive or negative way.  Once your words are spoken, they can’t be taken back, so be very careful you don’t say something that is damaging.  Say things that remind them of their great abilities and strengths.
  6. Spend time with them – Teens do like to spend time with their parents as it makes them feel valued.  Plan some special times as a family and also one-on-one, to build a closer relationship.  Make sure you aren’t spending time criticizing them or they will prefer to spend time with someone else.

The teen years are very difficult and your teen really needs your love and support.  Be there for them and help them navigate through all the challenges they face.  You will face obstacles and often feel like nothing is working, but if you keep the lines of communication open and keep trying to maintain a good relationship, your teen will feel your support and know how much you care.

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Trick or Treat

Today is Halloween in many countries.  The word Halloween means ‘hallowed or holy evening’ and is believed to be of Christian origin, falling on the day before All Saints’ Day (Nov 1) and All Souls’ Day (Nov 2).

The custom of treat or treating goes back to the fifteenth century when groups of poor people, mostly children, would go door-to-door collecting soul cakes for the souls in purgatory.   Candles were commonly lit in houses to guide lost souls back to their earthly homes.  Various rituals and ceremonies were followed in Ireland, France, Spain, Italy and other countries.

Halloween has now become a huge celebration around the world.  People of all ages don costumes to go trick or treating, attend parties, light bonfires, visit haunted attractions, watch horror movies and take part in other amusing and entertaining events.

I used to enjoy Halloween when I was a child, dressing up and going out with my friends to pick up a few treats.  Then as a mother, I continued to dress up and go out with my children.  It was fun seeing all the cute costumes and we had a good time.  However, now I must confess that I’ve stopped celebrating Halloween because it just isn’t fun anymore.   It has just become another commercial adventure that convinces us to spend too much money on costumes, decorations and candy.

  • We dress our children in costumes that are too scary or too sexy which forms their ideas on how they should dress.
  • We teach them to get as much candy as they can so they learn to become greedy.
  • We allow our teens to go trick or treating and often they complain or act in an aggressive manner when they don’t get the kind of candy they like.
  • Young children are being allowed to watch horror movies or go to haunted displays which can have a negative impact on them.
  • Children being injured or killed (according to stats – twice as many children die in car-pedestrian accidents on Halloween than on any other day)
  • Then there are a lot of evil rituals held on Halloween that I won’t even mention

So you might think I’m just a party pooper, but after giving some treats to my grandson tonight I will probably be out somewhere enjoying the evening air while a majority of the world celebrates Halloween.

Now here is something I like to see  http://youtu.be/GkBDRUO8hAo

 

 

 

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What are we doing to our children?

Happy Family Laughing in BedLast year when I started blogging, I wrote an article called, What are we doing to our young people today.   If you haven’t read the article, you can click here https://imconfident.wordpress.com/2012/11/03/what-are-we-doing-to-our-young-people-today/  In my article, I pointed out the negative affects that the media has on our young people and how they don’t have enough good, positive role models.

Today I read a few blogs and articles about an incident at the VMA Awards that involved Miley Cyrus, a once innocent young Disney star who played the role of Hannah Montana.   I didn’t see the actual program as I rarely watch TV anymore (don’t feel there is much worth watching).  I only saw the pictures, but that was enough for me.  This young woman who used to be a positive role model for young girls, has now shown the world how little respect she has for her own body by prancing around the stage in a sexual manner.  Her performance sends out a very negative message to both women and men and encourages inappropriate sexual behaviours.

Parents and caregivers need to provide their children with a positive, loving atmosphere to grow up in.   They need to help their children build esteem so they will respect themselves and others around them.  They need to teach their children right from wrong and help them make good choices.  TV viewing, internet and cell phone use need to be restricted according to a child’s age so they are not viewing any inappropriate content that will affect them in a negative way.   Growing up in a loving, positive environment will help a child build esteem so they will be much better equipped to handle all the negative peer pressure and media pressure that they will encounter.

It is a tough world to grow up in.  We need to make sure it isn’t any tougher than it has to be.  Be a positive role model to your children and everyone around you so they will become a responsible, caring adult.

What are you doing to your children?

Are you a good role model?

How are you affecting their character?

Are you protecting them from any negative influences?

What kind of person do you want your child to become?

Children are our greatest asset and we need to treat them with the utmost care.  They are the future leaders of the world.  Let’s take responsibility and start raising them properly!

 

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You are unique and valuable

adult and teenWhen we have problems in life, we often feel alone and think that we are the only one who is being hurt.   We think that:

  • nobody likes us
  • nobody cares about us
  • nobody understands what we are going through
  • nobody else hurts as much as we do
  • nobody else makes more mistakes than we do
  • nobody else is a bigger failure than we are

Does this sound familiar?  I’ve certainly felt all those things but the truth is, everyone in this world has problems and we are not alone in our pain.  We all make mistakes and this does not mean that we are failures.  Sometimes people will hurt us, but we have to realize that we are unique and valuable individuals and that we should not allow anyone to hurt us.   There are lots of people who understand what we are experiencing, care about us and want to help.   Try to connect with positive people who can help you build confidence.   Learn as much as you can about building esteem through websites, books and videos.  This will help you feel better about yourself and you will be able to deal with difficult situations.

I came across a site called Hey Ugly that was created to empower youth and be a part of the solution to bullying.  I don’t like the word Ugly but in this case it is an acronym that spells out – Unique Gifted Lovable You.  The website has all sorts of great information, videos and links on self-esteem and bullying to help people see the world from a real perspective and be able to understand themselves better.

There is a page with Celebrity Quotes that shows how some of your favourite actresses and actors feel about different topics.   Many of them have experienced self-esteem issues and bullying.  I’ve picked out a few to share, but you can read lots more at www.heyugly.org.

“People that feel alone or outcast that hurt, kids that feel bullied and lost, remember that you have a voice and you should use that voice to survive and persevere.”  ~Christina Aguilera

“I’ve realized that it’s time for me to show my audience that you don’t have to be perfect to achieve your dreams.  I’m okay with having bad dance moves.  I’m okay with having horrible lower teeth.  That’s what makes me me, and  for some reason it’s worked out all right.”  ~Katy Perry

“I was so shy.  Instead of waiting in line with the other kids at lunch, I’d go to a corner and buy a pretzel and orange juice.  I think I had that for lunch the first three years of high school.”  ~Peter Facinelli

“I’m like everyone else – I have days when I look in the mirror and I’m like ‘Oh my God, I wish I could change this or that’. The more you mature, you realize that those imperfections make you more beautiful.”  ~Beyoncé

“I was bullied quite a lot when I was growing up in my Peking Opera School.  I allowed myself to be bullied because I was scared and didn’t know how to defend myself.  I was bullied until I prevented a new student from being bullied.  By standing up for him, I learned to stand up for myself.”  ~Jackie Chan

 

 

 

 

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Lauren’s “Take” on “Here we go again Another Tragic Ending” by Joshua Stern

Another article that I wanted to share.
We are losing our precious children! Parents need to get more involved in their children’s lives and take the time to teach them some good moral values.

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15 year old sexually battered

Things like this should never happen but sadly we keep hearing about them. Parents need to become more involved in their children’s lives, keep the lines of communication open and set some proper boundaries that are reinforced. Children need strong role models who help them build esteem, so they are not swayed by peer pressure and end up doing things that will cause problems for them.

Give me 5 minutes a day and I'll give you a happier, more successful life

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Please pass this on, it could save a life!

A 15 year out girl (shown here) passed out at a party, was sexually abused and killed herself after seeing video online of the ordeal. Girls, be careful, people can slip roofies in your drink (coke, booze, whatever) that will knock you unconscious. Getting drunk can make you pass out, and since this girl was only 15, she may have never had alcohol before, making her get drunk very easily.

I don’t know if she passed out from booze or roofies, but either way what they did was wrong. Several teens were arrested for abusing her. Her family wanted this shared to protect other people like her.

Normally I only post positive and encouraging information on this blog but in this case I felt I had to post this to warn people.

You can read the news article about it here:

View original post 77 more words

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How can you tell if your child has low-esteem

Does your child have low-esteem?    Esteem is something that we learn starting in our early childhood.  Esteem is how we feel about ourselves.  It is an evaluation of our own worth.  We can develop good esteem if we live in a mostly positive environment surrounded by people who show love and appreciation towards us and others.  We can develop poor esteem if we live in a mostly negative environment surrounded by people who show little love and treat us badly.

If we have low esteem ourselves, we might not realize that our children also have low esteem.   Following is a quiz that will help you figure out if your child struggles with esteem issues.  It might help you understand yourself better also.

Have you ever heard your child say any of the following statements:

  • I’m stupid
  • I’m a loser
  • I’m too fat
  • I’m ugly
  • I don’t do anything right
  • Nobody likes me
  • I have no friends
  • I’m worthless

Does your child do any of the following:

  • Avoid group activities
  • Put themselves down
  • Blame others when they fail
  • Try to control or bully
  • Make excuses a lot
  • Always worry about what other people think
  • Think they aren’t important
  • Fear making mistakes or failing
  • Lie or cheat to win at something
  • Give up easily
  • Have no friends
  • Doesn’t talk about feelings
  • Want other people to fix their problems
  • Insecure about self
  • Believe they are always wrong
  • Easily influenced by peer pressure
  • Get into trouble

It is natural for children to feel bad about themselves sometimes, but if they feel this way a lot of the time, it might be a sign of serious problems.   Low esteem can be the cause or result of depression which can lead to serious problems in life.  If you feel that your child has low esteem, it would be a good idea to talk to your family doctor and discuss ways to build their esteem.   If you think that you have a problem with low esteem, discuss this with your doctor and work on building your own esteem, so you can help your child.

According to the National Mental Health Information Center, things that you (or your child) can do to raise self-esteem can include:

•Pay attention to your own needs and wants

•Take very good care of yourself and take time to do things you enjoy

•Get something done that you have been putting off

•Do things that make use of your own special talents and abilities

•Dress in clothes that make you feel good about yourself

•Spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself

•Make your living space a place that honors the person you are

•Display items you find attractive or remind you of your achievements or of special times or people in your life

•Make your meals a special time

•Take advantage of opportunities to learn something new or improve your skills

•Begin doing those things that you know will make you feel better about yourself

•Do something nice for another person

•Make it a point to treat yourself well every day and give yourself rewards when you deserve them

It can also be helpful to change negative thoughts about yourself to positive ones, avoid using negative words, and develop positive affirmations.

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Helping teens build esteem

teen against treeThe teen years are very difficult and many teens struggle with self-esteem and body image issues, while experiencing changes in their bodies.   This is the time when peer pressure can become overwhelming and teens start comparing themselves to others, looking at actors and models and wishing they had their ‘perfect‘ lives and ‘beautiful‘ bodies.    In their quest to find friendship and happiness, teens are led into a trap of deceit and false hopes.   Believing that their value is found in possessions, money and power, teens spend money on worthless stuff that may temporarily win some friends, but ultimately will lead to frustration and failure.
It isn’t realistic to measure ourselves against other people because we are all unique individuals and we can’t possibly be the same as somebody else.   It may surprise some people but even those superstars that we envy are also comparing themselves to other people, wishing they didn’t have any flaws and imperfections.  Studies have been done on models that show a large percentage of them have low esteem and feel very unfulfilled in life.  It is also a well-known fact that many movie stars lead very unhappy lives and don’t feel good about themselves.  So why do our young people want so much to be like these models and movie stars?  The answer is simple – they don’t have good esteem which causes them to look for happiness in all the wrong places.
People that have confidence in their abilities and strong self-esteem can handle life’s difficulties more effectively.  Children that feel secure in their home surrounded by love and appreciation will be better prepared to withstand the effects of negative peer pressure.  It is the responsibility of all parents to help their children develop good esteem as they grow up.  Here are some tips:
  1. Love unconditionally – Take a few minutes every day to tell your children how special they are to your family.  Hug them, send a card, write a note, tell them how much you love them.  NO, THEY DON’T JUST KNOW – you have to tell them and show them your love.
  2. Encourage and support – When something goes wrong in life, as it will, teens need to be reassured that you will support them no matter what.  Teens are very sensitive when they do something wrong or fail at something and they need to be encouraged to try again so they don’t give up on themselves.   Tell them that it is normal to make mistakes and they shouldn’t be discouraged.  Talk to them about famous people who have succeeded in life by learning from their mistakes.
  3. Be open-minded – Teens need to know that you are listening to them and that you are not going to judge everything they say.   Listen with an open mind even if you don’t agree with what they are saying.  Respect them and don’t try to control the conversation.  Be honest and keep the lines of communication open.    Teens want to talk to someone who is interested in hearing what they have to say, and if it isn’t you, it will be somebody else that may not have their best interests at heart.
  4. Choose your words carefully – What you say can influence people in a positive or negative way and you need to teach your teens the importance of communicating in a positive way.    Remember that once you say something, your words can’t be taken back.  Words can hurt and words can heal.  Words can stop wars and words can start wars.  So many relationships have been destroyed by just a few wrong words.
  5. Be honest – Talk openly with your teen about life and its challenges (smoking, drugs, alcohol, sex, eating disorders).   Talk to them about the false messages that are portrayed in the media and help them understand the truth about advertising.  Share some personal stories with your teen about your own life and the lessons you learned from your mistakes.  This helps them see you in a more realistic way.
  6. Be a good role model – Teens are always watching the adults around them to see what they say and do, so we need to be careful we are influencing them in a positive way.   Take a look at your own life and determine if you are the example that you want your child to follow.
  7. Compliment your teen! – Many parents negatively comment about what their child is wearing.   Unless, they are dressed in something provocative or totally unsuitable for the occasion, try to compliment them on how they look.  Remind them they are unique and that they are special.   Remind them of their good qualities and abilities.
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