imconfident

I sincerely believe that it is far more beneficial and far less costly to help a child build confidence than it is to fix an adult who has little or none.

Learn how to fail successfully

We all fail.  This is inevitable.  If we didn’t fail, we wouldn’t be human.  So why do we feel so bad when we fail?

Basically we are programmed to feel bad.  Society makes us think that we need to be perfect in order to succeed in life.   We are led to believe that mistakes are bad and perfection is good.  However, this is wrong.  We are all imperfect and we all make mistakes and there is absolutely nothing wrong with this!

We are taught to value what people think of us more that what we think of ourselves.  Actually we shouldn’t care what people think as long we know that we are being a good person and doing the right thing.  Just try to be a better person today than you were yesterday and stop worrying about what people think.

We are taught that winning is more important than losing.  Well someone has to lose, we can’t all win.  So instead of feeling bad for ourselves when we lose, we should be happy for those who win and congratulate them.  Winning is not all it’s cracked up to be.  People who are obsessed with winning are angry, impatient and unhappy.  What a horrible way to go through life!

We are taught to be the first in line.  Everyone can’t be first so why should the rest of us feel bad?  This is ridiculous.  If you are the 35th person, just be patient and enjoy where you are.   If you studied hard for a test and did your best but just barely passed, don’t feel like you aren’t as good as the ones who got top marks.  There is no shame in doing your best.  Just be proud of your accomplishments and don’t compare yourself to other people.

We are taught that being rejected is bad.  The fact is that someone will always reject you.  It could be a friend, a family member, a boss, maybe someone you don’t even know.  You can’t win the love of everyone in the world so stop letting it make you feel bad.  People are people and they will hurt you.  This doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you and it certainly doesn’t make you a failure.

Many people go through life feeling like a failure because they have faulty beliefs.   They think there is something wrong with them and this isn’t true.  Everyone fails.  This is how we learn.  Mistakes are just opportunities to learn and we can do this with great success if we keep our mind open.

When you feel like a failure, here are 10 things to focus on:

  1. Tell yourself you are NOT a failure.  Stop your thoughts dead in their tracks.  Don’t allow yourself to zone in on those negative thoughts and beliefs.
  2. Challenge your thoughts.  Ask yourself, “Why do I feel like a failure?  Did I do something wrong or did someone tell me I did something wrong?  Where are these thoughts coming from?
  3. Change your focus to positive thoughts.  Negative thinking is a bad habit.  Consciously be aware of what you are saying and change any negative thoughts to positive thoughts.  “I made a mistake this time but I’m going to try harder next time.” “I was wrong but I can do better.”
  4. Take action.  Write down your thoughts and determine what you can do to avoid making the same mistake again.   Make a plan that take you in a different direction.  Create some goals.
  5. Do research.  There are tons of books, articles and videos about successful people who have struggled with failure.  Listen to what they did to overcome the obstacles in their life and try doing what they did to become successful.
  6. Look for the positive people in your life.  The people you hang out with will make a huge impact on your life.  Surround yourself with family and friends who are loving and supportive.  They will help you through your struggles and encourage you to keep going.
  7. Learn lessons from your mistakes.  There is a lesson to be learned from every mistake you made.  You have the choice to stay stuck in your mistakes and feel like a failure or you can move ahead and use that mistake as a learning tool.
  8. Never give up.  Failing doesn’t make you a failure.  Giving up makes you a failure.  So NEVER give up. Every successful person in this world was a failure at some point but they never gave up.   YOU can be that successful failure.  Create your own story of success and share it with others!

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What are you doing to change the world?

There are certain topics that I am very passionate about.  These include confidence-building, relationships, children, faith, poverty, injustice, violence.  It breaks my heart when I read about people hurting other people, especially when it comes to children.  Every day I hear something that brings a tear to my eyes and sends pain through my heart.  People can be so cruel to each other and even to themselves.  Where is all the love and compassion?

  • We need to examine our lives and figure out what we can do to help people instead of hurt them.
  • We need to watch our words carefully and think before we speak.
  • We need to stop ourselves before we do anything that we might regret later.
  • We need to put ourselves in the shoes of others and try to understand who they really are instead of making a quick, incorrect judgment.
  • We need to support, love and pray for each other.

People often think they can’t do much to change the world by themselves but if we can do just one small thing it can have a ripple effect.  We might never see the end result when we show kindness to another person.  Just a few encouraging words spoken to someone who is broken and defeated can lift them up and help them make positive changes in their lives.

The world is so full of anger, hatred, violence and despair.   We need to do what we can to stop this negativity from growing by showing love to everyone around us.  What are you doing to change the world?

 

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What would you do if you had 1 month to live?

We don’t get to choose our birthplace, our parents or when we will die but we DO get to choose how we live during our short time on this earth.  We ever know what tomorrow will bring so we should live well today.  How?

  • love the people around you
  • do everything to the best of your ability
  • help others
  • forgive quickly

Each day is a gift that we can enjoy and share with others.  Instead of wasting time filling our days with things that don’t matter, we should be doing things that will make a difference in someone’s life.  This could be as simple as taking a friend for coffee, calling a distant relative or volunteering a couple of hours a month for a local organization. It is all the small things in life that add up to a huge amount of blessings.  Make sure every day counts and don’t end up with regrets, wishing you had done more during your life.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. If you only had 1 month to live, what would you do?

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Feeling loved and accepted


Many people in this world don’t feel loved or accepted.  They believe lies they have heard throughout their lives as being the truth and cannot see themselves in a proper light.

How many children have been told, “You can’t do this.  You’re ugly.  You’re bad.”  How many wives or husbands have been told, “You don’t do anything right.  You’re too fat.  You don’t make me happy.”  How many students or employees have been told,  You’re not smart enough.  You’re too slow.  You’ll never amount to anything.”  There are so many things that could have been said to us that make us feel unloved, unwanted and unworthy.  What lies have you been told?  Just fill in the blank.  You’re…………………….

We have all felt unworthy of someone’s love because of words that have been spoken to us.  It might have been a parent, a family member, a friend, a co-worker or even a complete stranger.  If we have enough confidence in ourselves and good esteem, we will be able to let these unkind words just roll off our backs.  Sadly, many of us don’t have enough confidence to realize that these things are not true and we will live our lives believing we are lacking in something.

It is so important that we show people that we love and accept them, even when they make mistakes.  None of us is perfect and we don’t want other people to put us down when we do something wrong.  Parents are the first ones who need to show a child how valuable they are so they can grow into confident, loving adults.  It isn’t easy being a parent in this stressful world but we need to take time to love our children and spent time with them.  Love and encourage your children.  Be a positive example to them by caring about the people around you.  Pray for them and be there when they need you.   Their future depends on what happens in their life today.

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It’s the thought that counts! Really?

I’m not sure where this statement originated but I’ve heard it many times and have even used it myself without considering what it really means.  Dictionaries tell us that it refers to gift giving and that it isn’t really important how much a gift costs; the importance is found in the feeling or thought from the giver.

However, I’m not sure I totally agree with this idea.  I do believe that cost is unimportant when it comes to gift-giving and that someone can give me a gift that is right from their heart.  People spend way too much money on stuff they don’t need today and I certainly don’t like when someone spends a lot of money on me.  Yet, when I get a gift from someone, how do I know how much thought is behind it.  Unless someone shows me how they feel through their actions or words, I certainly can’t read their mind, so I obviously have no idea how they feel.  Maybe they did think a lot about the gift or maybe they didn’t.  People can easily pick up items without much thought or effort.

What we truly care about another person we need to express what we are feeling.  Just assuming that they know we love and care for them is not enough.  Our thoughts are just our thoughts and nobody will even know what is going on in our minds unless we express ourselves.  Children especially need to be reminded of our love or they will not build confidence or see their value.

So next time you give someone a gift make sure they know how you feel.  The thought doesn’t count – people do.

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Who are you trying to impress?

Many of us spend our entire lives trying to impress other people.  We spend money on things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like or even know.  We want to look good so we can be well received by others at work, school or anywhere we go in the community.  There is certainly nothing wrong with wanting to do good job and get positive feedback from other people but when we place our value on what other people think, we are never going to feel good about ourselves.  Trying to impress others is giving our power to them and will ultimately lead to stress and frustration.

Our value does NOT come from what we have or what we do.  Our value comes from who we are!  Getting validation or acknowledgment from others is nice but this should never replace how we feel about ourselves.  Instead of wasting time and energy trying to impress others, we should be trying to impress ourselves.  This means we should just try to be a better person than we were yesterday.  Be authentic to yourself and work on improving your character and building confidence.  When you accomplish something, give yourself a big pat on the back and tell yourself what a great job you did.  Don’t wait for others make you feel valuable – do it yourself!  You are worth it!

 

 

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Increasing minimum wage in Ontario

I’m listening to Kathleen Wynne talking about labour changes and increasing minimum wage.  Yes, people would certainly like to make more money but there is no mention of all the problems this will cause.

  • There will always be a minimum wage no matter if it is $15 or $50.  Someone will always be at the bottom of the scale and there will always be people struggling to make ends meet.
  • When wages increase, prices increase so people will have more income but will be spending more on food, services, rent, etc, etc. – so they really won’t be any further ahead
  • Many small companies who pay minimum wage are barely making a living themselves and if the wages increase they will be forced to close their companies and then they will be struggling to make a living
  • Employees working for small companies will likely be facing unemployment and be getting less money than working at minimum wage
  • The government will be have a higher percentage of people collecting unemployment and welfare which will add to debt

Who wins by raising the minimum wage??

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How to have a good day

Almost every day can be a good day if you put your mind to it.  You can get up every morning and walk through the day without really thinking about anything OR you can get up every morning and live purposefully by actually thinking about what is going on and taking positive action.

What is on your mind when you first wake up in the morning?  Worries, doubts, fears?  Why not replace this with anticipation, purpose?  Pursue happy thoughts before you even get up in the morning.  Say positive statements or affirmations that will help put you in a positive mindset.  Don’t let all those negative thoughts put you in a bad frame of mind or you will most certainly have a bad day.

  • “This is going to be a good day!”
  • “I am going to sing all the way to work today!”
  • “I am full of energy!”
  • “I can make a difference in someone’s life today!”
  • “I have an awesome family and friends!”

Never put yourself or anyone else down with negative thoughts or words.  They will come naturally as we are wired to be negative-minded.  But don’t let those negative thoughts float around in your head.  Be aware and catch them quickly before they become negative words and actions.

You CAN have a good day.  Make sure you put your mind to it first thing in the morning!

 

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Focus on the good, not on the bad

Whatever you focus on in life, whatever you put most of your attention towards, this will become the direction of your life.  If you spend most of your time focused on the world’s problems, you will never notice all the good things in life.   There are so many things that can bring us joy:  a child’s laughter, a friendly smile, a beautiful flower, raindrops, a powerful song, a kind word.

We should always be aware of what is going on around us but we should not spend most of our time focusing on our problems.  What does this accomplish?  Absolutely nothing.  It just keeps us feeling overwhelmed with unrest, bitterness, grief, frustration and undoubtedly a lack of hope for anything better.

Instead of wasting our energy focusing on negative things, we should use our energy on trying to become a better person and helping those around us who are struggling.  This is how we can find happiness in our own lives and bring happiness into the lives of others.  Don’t just accept all the problems in the world, try to do your part to make things better.  Here are some ideas that can help you:

  • make a list of things that make you smile
  • think of someone who makes you feel good and give them a call today
  • take someone out for coffee
  • watch a funny movie
  • write down your accomplishments (work, school, volunteering)
  • take a walk and admire the beautiful flowers and scenery
  • take some time to visit a lonely neighbour
  • tell a family member that you love them
  • sit in a quiet place and remember happy past events
  • find out about some local fun events and make plans to attend
  • join an activity group
  • get up and dance!!

Focusing on the good stuff in life will help bring happiness.  Focusing on the bad stuff in life will bring misery.  How do you want to live?

 

 

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Are you an elephant?

If you have ever been to a circus, you may have noticed the elephants just standing passively with a small rope tied around their front leg.   Did you wonder why these large creatures don’t run away and find their freedom?

When elephants are going to be used for a circus, they start conditioning them to believe a lie.  When they are very young and small, they tie them with a rope that is strong enough to hold them and when they try to walk away, they can’t.  They naturally try to pull but they aren’t strong enough to break the rope so eventually they stop resisting and stay within the bounds of the rope. As they grow, the elephants could easily break free from their bonds but their self-defeating beliefs keep them prisoner.  They do not realize how powerful they really are.

Many of us are like these elephants, held back by a self-defeating belief that simply is not true.  We hear things when we are children like: “You aren’t good enough.  You aren’t smart enough.  You will never amount to anything.”  We get stuck in these false beliefs and they often hold us back from using our abilities and pursuing our goals.

Are you an elephant?  Are you being held back by a limiting belief?  Many of our beliefs about ourselves are not true at all.  Discover your own abilities, skills and characteristics and fly like a butterfly!

 

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