Many people struggle with low esteem and it affects every area of their lives. It affects how they feel about themselves, it affects the way they interact with other people, it affects the way they communicate. Low esteem is destructive.
- It makes people feel inferior, that they are worthless, that they have no value.
- It makes them feel that they don’t measure up to other people; that everyone else is smarter, better looking, has more friends, is better off financially.
- It makes people feel unloved, unappreciated and unwanted.
- It destroys relationships.
- It leads to communication breakdowns.
- It holds you back from using your abilities and skills.
- It stops you from reaching your goals.
- It destroys your dreams.
Having low esteem will cause you to struggle through life believing that there is something wrong with you. Often we develop this low opinion of ourselves from living in a negative environment, surrounded by people who struggle themselves with low esteem. Instead of continuing to believe things that are probably not true, we can change the way we feel about ourselves by challenging our beliefs and learning to develop a positive perspective about ourselves and life in general.
We are all valuable, unique individuals despite what others have led us to believe. Do some self-discovery and find our what an awesome person you really are! Visit my website at http://www.imconfident.com for more information on building confidence and self-esteem.
We are all different. Everyone is unique and special in their own way. No two people on this earth are exactly the same and we should celebrate our differences.
When we have children, we often expect them to be like us and when they aren’t, we either try to mold them into a “mini-us” or we constantly battle with them because they don’t act the way we want them to and they drive us crazy.
We should raise our children as they are and not try to change them into the person we want them to be. They are not us and they never will be. We can force them into our mold and have them become an unhappy, unfulfilled adult. Or we can encourage them to use their abilities, guide them through difficult situations to achieve their potential and support them when they fail.
Children are a gift. Allow them to be themselves. They are not perfect and neither are we. Just love them.
Everyone invests their time in something, usually in whatever they are interested in the most. Unfortunately, we don’t always invest our time in the things that are important. Then when we get older, we realize that we have wasted a lot of time doing things that don’t matter and we have regrets.
Many people go through life trying to achieve success by obtaining power or making lots of money. Others spend their lives wasting all their time and money pleasing themselves and just having fun. Then one day they need support from their family and friends and wonder why they are all alone.
I certainly have regrets and wish that I could turn back the clock. Many hours, days and weeks were wasted doing things that don’t even matter now.
- Time spent working extra hours to make more money instead of going home and spending time with my family
- Time spent working on projects that didn’t pan out and have long been forgotten
- Time spent feeling sorry for myself instead of feeling sorry for other people and helping them out
- Time spent reading books that filled up time and didn’t teach me anything valuable
- Time spent watching TV programs and movies that filled up my mind with total garbage
Think carefully about what you spend your time doing.
- Is it something that has value or something that is wasting your time?
- Is it something that makes you a better person or does it lead you away from the important things in life?
- Is it something that blesses other people or does it only please yourself?
- Is it something that leads you where you want to be or is it leading you down a dead-end street?
Whatever you surround yourself with now will likely be what surrounds you in the future. Make some positive changes in your life now and invest time in things of value.
Our past consists of situations that have caused us both pain and joy. However, the painful situations are often the ones we remember the most and many people remain stuck in their pain, unable to enjoy anything good that happens in the present. We should use our past as a history lesson and not a guidebook. We can definitely learn something from our past and use our mistakes to make positive changes. What has happened is over and done with and nothing can take away any unkind words that have been said or cut unhappy circumstances from our lives. All we can do is make better choices and try our best to overcome any challenges we may face in a different, more positive way.
Don’t hide the past or try to forget the pain that you experienced. Ignoring things won’t make them better, the pain will still be there and it will surface when you don’t want it to. Your past does not define who you are but if you are able to work through your pain, you will learn valuable lessons that will make you wiser and stronger.
Don’t stay stuck in the past when you can live in the present and enjoy your life. Look at your past and ask yourself if you really want to live there forever. Then make some positive changes in your life and develop a new perspective. You can change your life if you really want to.
Check my website at http://www.imconfident.com for ideas on how to make positive changes in your life.
We have all been hurt at one time or another. Being hurt is unavoidable and just a normal part of life. The problem is, many of us have difficulty processing our hurts in a positive way and our emotions become badly damaged. It is important that we address our hurts and deal with them so they can’t continue to cause pain in our lives.
Here are some steps we can take to heal any damaged emotions:
- Face your problems dead on. If you try to avoid them, deny them or hide them, it won’t work. Pushing the pain away may temporarily relieve the pain, but in the long run, the hurt will keep coming back. Take an honest look at what happened and talk to someone you can trust.
- Take responsibility for what happened. Be totally honest with yourself. Did you play any part in what happened? Most of the time, there can be blame placed on both sides. How did you respond? Did you show anger or did you try to understand the situation?
- Ask yourself if you really want your damaged emotions to heal. Sometimes people use their problems to get attention and to make other people feel sorry for them. They get stuck in a bad habit and become comfortable struggling with their problems. This is really not a good way to live as it never allows any possibility of peace or happiness.
- In order to heal, you must be forgiving. First you need to forgive the people who hurt you. This does not mean that you are telling them it is okay for them to hurt you because it was certainly not okay at all, it means that you are giving up the hold they have on you. As long as you have unforgiveness for a person, you are tied to them and they can continue to hurt you over and over again. Tell the person you forgive them for hurting you and then forgive yourself and move on.
Do you feel that you will never measure up and are always comparing yourself to others?
Do you feel that you never do anything well or can never please anyone or yourself?
Are you always driven by the expectations of others?
Are you often frustrated or feel like a failure?
Have you ever stopped to wonder where these feelings come from? We form our opinions of others and ourselves mainly from the environment that we grow up in. This is reinforced by the people we surround ourselves with and how much we immerse ourselves in the media. Perhaps you grew up in a home where criticism was the norm and whatever you did was never good enough. When you cleaned your room and it wasn’t perfect, were you praised for what you did or criticized for what you didn’t do? When you brought home a report card with 5 B’s and 1 D, were you praised for doing a good job and encouraged to beat that D or were you just criticized for getting a D? When you brought home friends to enjoy some fun times, did your family welcome them and talk nicely about them when they left or did they pick out all their bad points and tell you that you didn’t choose your friends very well?
Growing up and living in an environment of criticism and negativity will have profound effects on how you live your life. Feeling that you never do anything right and thinking that all your choices are bad ones, will create a need to find perfection. Everything you do will be geared to pleasing someone else. The result is feeling like a failure because you can never measure up to anyone else’s expectations. The world continually promotes perfection and the need to succeed. We should always do our best but we can never be perfect in a world that is far from perfect.
We need to understand that we all have strengths and weaknesses and not be critical of our imperfections and flaws. We ALL are imperfect and we ALL have weaknesses. We just can’t be the ‘super’ person that everyone expects us to be. Even the expectations we put on ourselves are way too high and can never be reached. Accepting ourselves for who we really are is important. We all have unique value and worth. Discover your own amazing abilities, strengths and personality traits. Make a list and review them often to remind yourself what an awesome person you are!
I don’t know how many times I’ve heard people say this statement and I’ve said it myself more times that I can remember. I used to firmly believe that I was unable to do anything about my emotions or change the way I felt and I’ve discovered this is totally wrong. I was allowing my emotions to control me instead of taking control of my emotions. It was time to make some changes!
Actually, you can’t really help the way you feel, but you CAN learn to manage your emotions and work hard to change the way you react. When someone hurts you, you will likely feel angry or upset. When something takes too long, you will likely feel agitated or impatient. When you can’t do something easily, you will likely get frustrated. It is normal to feel these emotions but it is not healthy to respond in a negative way that could be damaging to others and yourself.
When you feel any emotion, you have the choice to respond automatically or you can stop yourself for a few seconds and quickly process a more positive way of dealing with the situation. This takes patience and practice but if you keep working at it, it will become a good habit. Always be consciously aware of how you are feeling and make sure you think before you react.
- First stop, take a deep breath, and don’t react immediately.
- Then do something that will help you calm down. Separate yourself from the person or situation as this will allow you to focus more clearly, take a walk, listen to some calming music or do an activity that you enjoy. Don’t give in to your negative emotions.
- Talk it out with yourself. Ask yourself why you are feeling this way. Is there an underlying issue that needs to be addressed such as depression, anxiety, work-overload, too many pressures?
- Determine what changes need to be made so when difficult situations arise, you can manage your emotions more effectively. How can you deal with things in a more positive way? Write down your thoughts and create a plan of action.
You can’t help the way you feel but you CAN help the way you react. React in positive way!
When we are angry with someone, it is hard to express our emotions to them without making the situation worse. Many times, we just hold our anger inside and try to ignore the situation/person. This is not a positive way of dealing with anger. It is important that we learn to manage our anger, understand why we are angry and make changes in the way we deal with difficult people and situations.
A good way to deal with anger is writing a letter. Getting your thoughts and emotions out in the open will help you process them in a positive way. Write a letter to someone who has hurt you. Do this when you are alone and will have no interruptions. If you have a close friend who is completely supportive and would benefit from their presence, explain what you are doing and allow them to be close by. Turn off your phone, your computer and the TV. Say whatever you need to say. Write down any feelings of anger, hatred, disgust or despair that are causing you to be uncomfortable. Then once the letter is done, sit back and take a deep breath.
When you are ready, read the letter out loud to yourself. Hearing your own words will start the healing process. Remember that I said you need to be alone or with a close, supportive friend. When you have finished reading the letter, allow yourself to scream, cry, punch your pillow. Just don’t do anything to hurt yourself or damage anything around you. Allow yourself to be completely drained, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Now you should be ready to put this anger behind you.
Take the letter, rip it into pieces and throw it away. Just don’t mail the letter as it would likely cause more pain. The letter is strictly for your own eyes.
Now, take some time to relax. This exercise will have taken a lot out of you. A lot of pressure has been released. Listen to some soothing music, read an inspirational book, take a nap.
If you have more anger to deal with, write more letters until you are feeling lighter. Carrying anger with you is a heavy load. Release your anger in a positive way.
Many people believe that they don’t have the power the change something in their lives. They believe that they are stuck in the same unhealthy relationships, the same dead-end job, the same negative way of thinking and that their health will never improve. I used to believe this myself, but the truth is, we CAN change our lives for the better if we really want to and are willing to take action.
You can’t keep doing things the same way over and over and expect a different result. You have to change something in your life: create new habits, develop new ideas, work on some goals. If you just keep thinking about making a change and don’t take action, nothing will ever change. You have to actively get going and do something in order to make positive changes in your life.
Change takes time. You have to be committed to working hard and being patient. Nothing worthwhile comes that quickly. People today want things instantly and are not willing to invest time in their future.
If you want your life to change, here are some steps you can take:
- Sit down with a pen and journal or pad of paper and start brainstorming. Write down your thoughts. Create a simple plan of action. Set some short and long term goals.
- Ask yourself some key questions. What kind of relationships do you want to have? What do you enjoy doing? What do you really want to achieve in life?
- Figure out what needs to be changed in your life. What are some things that are working for you now? What are some things that are not working?
- Determine any roadblocks that are stopping you from moving ahead. What are these roadblocks and how can they be removed?
- Organize your plan of action and post it somewhere so it can be a daily reminder.
- Keep track of your progress in your journal.
- If something isn’t working the way you expected, modify your plan and make any necessary changes.
- Include some trusted family and friends in your plan and allow them to motivate and support you.
- Remember to stay positive. You might not always accomplish what you want, but keep focusing on your plan and keep going.
- Most important. Be patient, persevere and never give up. Change will come if you keep working at it.