I sincerely believe that it is far more beneficial and far less costly to help a child build confidence than it is to fix an adult who has little or none.

A dangerous weapon

Did you know that you carry a very dangerous weapon with you? Most people don’t even realize that they carry a weapon that is so destructive it can tear apart families, destroy relationships and even cause death.

Our tongue is a huge weapon. It is a very small part of us but it holds the power of life and death. It can be more dangerous than guns or knives and cause a mountain of damage in our lives.

We can choose to use positive words or negative words. Positive words can impart valuable information, be encouraging or bring happiness to others. Negative words can spread lies, discourage and hurt others. Words can also hurt ourselves when we are using negative self-talk and repeating the lies that others have said to us.

There is a reason why we have 1 tongue, 2 eyes and 2 ears. We SHOULD listen more and see more than we speak. Sadly many people lash out at others before they even consider the consequences of their words. Bullying is a good example of how words affect people.

We need to be very careful with our “dangerous weapon” and try to “kill” people with kindness instead of destroying them with our words.  Think carefully before you speak.  Practice changing any negative thoughts into positive thoughts and create a habit of positive thinking.



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Are your words powerful?

Have you ever stopped to consider how powerful our words can be?  Everything that we say can have a huge impact on other people and even ourselves.  Just one little word or phrase can heal a person’s life or it can destroy it.  When we use words that are kind, loving and supportive we can lift people up and make them feel good.  On the other hand, when we say words that are mean, nasty and vindictive we can tear people down and make them feel bad.

Think about words that people say to you:

  • When you felt lonely and a family member said something loving to you, how did it make you feel?
  • When you were feeling down and a friend said something encouraging, did it lift you up?
  • When you were having a bad day at work and your boss told you that you did a good job, did your day go better?

Remember those times when a family member spoke to you in anger or someone at work criticized something you did or a friend told you they were too busy to have coffee with you.  How did those words make you feel?

We should always be careful with our words and choose them carefully.  Don’t let unkind, careless or cruel words come out of your mouth.  Think before you speak especially when you are stressed, tired, angry or upset.  Those are times when even the nicest person can be thoughtless and let words slip out that should never be spoken.

Saying unkind words to ourselves is also a bad thing.  We can be very cruel to ourselves, speaking words we have heard other people say to us or about us.  We need to challenge our self-talk and make sure we are not hurting ourselves with our own words.  What other people say is only a reflection of who they are and not who we are.  We believe a lot of things that are just not true.

We need to understand how powerful our words are and make sure we use them to lift people up, encourage them, support them and show our love.


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Becoming confident is hard in today’s world

Society has created a major road block that stops us from becoming confident.  Every day, we are told through the media and other people that there is something wrong with us.  We aren’t good enough, smart enough, pretty enough.  We don’t measure up to society’s standards.  We lack something in our lives.  We need to improve ourselves.  We need to be happier and quicker.  We need to have more money, possessions, power so we can be happy and successful.  With all these unrealistic expectations, how can we possibly feel confident about ourselves?

We have to start looking at life with a proper perspective.  Life is NOT perfect and people are NOT perfect.  We can search for ways to reach the high expectations that the world places on us, and we will NEVER reach those expectations.  We can beat ourselves up every day for not measuring up to someone else’s standards and we will ALWAYS feel like a failure.  We need to look at our own life and set realistic goals and expectations that are attainable.

How can we become confident in today’s tough world?

  • stop comparing ourselves to others and start working on becoming the best imperfect person we can be
  • stop trying be perfect and start realizing that this just isn’t possible
  • stop tearing ourselves down with negative self-talk and start building ourselves up with positive self-talk
  • stop focusing on our flaws and imperfections and start focusing on our strengths and abilities
  • stop thinking that we can’t change our lives and start working hard to make positive changes

We have the power to build our own confidence and increase our esteem.  It just takes a lot of hard work and patience.   For more ideas, visit

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How do you stop from thinking negative thoughts?

holding stop signMost people tend to have more negative thoughts than positive thoughts and this is what causes problems in their lives.  Negative thoughts result in negative words and actions which result in negative results.  On the other hand, positive thoughts result in positive words and actions which result in positive results.  It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand this concept.  So which would you rather be – positive or negative?

Negative thinking can cause anxiety, fear and stress about situations in life.  In order to feel positive and peaceful, we have to work on changing those negative, anxious thoughts into positive, peaceful thoughts.

Here are 6 steps for stopping negative thoughts.

1)  Be aware that you are having a negative thought.

2)  Choose a way that will make you stop this thought.

  • Say ‘STOP’ (out loud or in your mind)
  • Keep a rubber band on your arm and snap it gently
  • Picture a bright red stop sign
  • Put your arm out in front of you and say ‘halt’(out loud or in your mind)
  • Shake your head and say ‘no’ (out loud or in your mind)
  • Stop moving and stomp your foot

3)  Consciously change the negative thought with a positive, peaceful thought.

4)  Say your positive thought out loud if possible, or in your mind.

5)  Keep focusing on that positive, peaceful thought by repeating it until the negative thought is completely gone.

6)  Do this every time you have a negative thought.

Think about the things that make you anxious or stressful.  Here are some common issues:

  • meeting new people
  • your future
  • talking with friends
  • what you look like
  • performing in front of others
  • your athletic skills
  • religion
  • being asked out/asking someone out
  • money
  • whether or not people like you
  • your body
  • illness or injury

What makes you anxious or stressful?  What things bring out negative thoughts?  Make your own list.

Then determine what you could use as a peaceful thought to overpower that negative thought.  Here are some ideas:

  • say a positive statement or affirmation
  • play with a pet
  • listen to music
  • go for a walk or run
  • watch a sunrise or sunset
  • watch a funny movie
  • talk to a friend
  • take a nap
  • read a good book
  • go shopping
  • sing or dance
  • meditate
  • write in a journal
  • exercisesmile1
  • draw or paint a picture
  • admire some beautiful scenery

What would make you feel positive and peaceful? 

Cram your head and heart full of positive, peaceful stuff and you will crowd out all the negative, anxious thoughts.



Being a confident person

smiling3What is a confident person?

Confident people:

  • love themselves (not in a vain way), love others and know that others love themFaces of Europe Germany Series
  • feel that their life has value and that they have a purpose in life
  • are not afraid to step out of their comfort zone and risk trying something new and different
  • look at life from a positive perspective
  • are not afraid of being wrong
  • are able to keep going even when they have failed because they realize that failure is a stepping stone to success
  • do not compare themselves to others because they know and accept their strengths and weaknesses
  • set goals in life and work hard towards reaching their goals
  • control their lives instead of allowing their lives to control them

Studies show that people who are confident in themselves and have a positive outlook on life actually age slower and can live longer.  When you are confident, you will have a happier and healthier life.

If you lack confidence in yourself, it isn’t too late to start building some, no matter what age you are.    Here are some steps you can take:

  1. Do an honest evaluation of your life and consider what changes need to be made.  If you have some serious issues to face, please consider getting professional help.
  2. Make a list of your positive qualities and read the list every day until you can recite them by heart.
  3. Write some positive affirmations and repeat these several times a day until you believe them.
  4. Read inspirational books, tapes, CD’s and DVD’s.
  5. Surround yourself with positive people, places and things.  Try to reduce or eliminate the negatives in your life.
  6. Don’t compare yourself to others.  Focus on your own strengths and abilities.  Praise yourself often.
  7. Change any negative self-talk to positive self-talk.  Be consciously aware of your words and try to stop your negative thoughts.
  8. Set realistic goals and work hard to achieve them.
  9. Volunteer for a local organization.  Helping others benefits the receiver, the giver and often other people who are around.
  10. Take action and start working on making positive changes.

Building confidence takes time and effort but it leads the way to happiness and success in life.





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