I sincerely believe that it is far more beneficial and far less costly to help a child build confidence than it is to fix an adult who has little or none.

Depression is a liar

People who are depressed do not have good confidence and they have low esteem.  Depression doesn’t allow a person to feel good about themselves; instead, it destroys self-confidence.  Depression is a great liar.  It poisons our minds with the idea that we have no value, nobody likes us and our life doesn’t matter.  We doubt our abilities, we can’t see our great characteristics and we can’t use our skills.  We are critical about everything we do and don’t believe that we can accomplish anything.

Depression is a bad habit.  We feel that everything is hopeless and that nothing will ever change.  We spend our lives being angry, frustrated and upset believing that nothing will ever get better.

It is important to realize that being depressed is harmful to our health and we need to try hard to make positive changes.  Being depressed keeps us stuck in a negative mindset.  The good news is we can do something about it.  We CAN increase our confidence AND decrease our depression.

Here are some ideas:

  • Spend time with people who are encouraging and supportive.  We tend to think and act like the people we spend the most time with, so the more time you spend with positive people, the more positive you will become.  There are many different types of groups that can use your talents and skills.  Doing things you enjoy will help build your confidence.
  • Change your self-talk.  Many of us talk to ourselves in a negative way which will just bring us down.  Focus on using positive self-talk and stop putting yourself down.  Starting each day with a positive statement or affirmation is powerful.  “This is going to be a good day.”  “I am a good person”.  “I like to help people.” “I CAN do this.” “I have good friends.”
  • Write down all the good things in your life.  It may be hard at first but with practice it becomes easier.  This will help you create a new habit of positive thinking and increase your confidence.  Even if you are experiencing difficulties, you can always find something good if you look hard enough.
  • Do things for other people.  When you are focused on other people, it is hard to feel depressed.  Volunteering is a great way to help people and build your confidence.

If you are continually depressed, it is important that you seek medical help.  Therapy and medications are often necessary to help you cope and learn how to deal with your own personal issues.

Everyone has value and purpose.  Don’t let depression’s lies destroy your life.  Learn how to build confidence and increase your esteem.



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More often means less

We are all driven to believe that if we have more stuff, more power, more money, more anything, that we will be happier.  When are people going to realize that having more does not bring happiness?

At this time in history, we have access to more choices than ever before.  We can have almost anything we want.  Yet depression, anxiety and stress are growing.  We have more stuff but less happiness.  More money but more debt.  More power but feel powerless.  More toys but less fun.

We need to realize that happiness comes from within.  It is how we feel about ourselves and our inner strength.  We can’t buy happiness, gain it through other people or create it from things that aren’t real.

If you want more out of life, start focusing on what is important.  What do you have that adds joy to your life?  What are you passionate about?  What are the things that just take up your time and only bring stress?  Try to eliminate anything that is basically wasting your time and adding no value to your life.  Set your priorities and invest time in those areas.

Life is short.  Make the most of the time you have and have more of what is important.


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More money but more depression?

Many people believe that money buys happiness.  If they could just get a better job and make more money than everything would be great in their lives.  If they just had a bigger house or more expensive car, they would be happy.  If they could take more vacations or buy whatever they dreamed of, life would be wonderful.

Well, if money could really buy happiness, why are so many wealthy people unhappy?  Isn’t it interesting that people have more money and possessions than ever in history, yet the percentage of depression is increasing and stress levels are on the rise.    Research shows time and time again that happiness does not depend on how much money we have.   Actually, many people who live in very poor countries have been found to have higher happiness levels and less depression that wealthy people.   Why?  Because they are thankful for what they have.

Being thankful and looking at life with a positive perspective is the only way to find happiness.  Happiness doesn’t depend on how much money we have, how many possessions we have or how many friends we have.  Happiness comes from within and we make the choice daily as to whether or not we will be happy or sad.

What are you thankful for?

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Nobody cares, just waiting to die

Niagara Canada is home to a large and growing senior population.  Many seniors who have never experienced depression in their lives are developing this illness due to poor health, inability to cope with daily tasks and lack of emotional support.  I often connect with clients who live alone and feel like their lives have no purpose.   Sometimes when I am covering a shift for a housekeeper, a client will talk my ear off because they don’t have anyone else that will listen or they will just sit and stare into thin air until they fall asleep.  My heart breaks for these people who were once so happy and full of life.  They feel like nobody cares and they are just waiting to die.

What causes seniors to slip into depression? For some, their family members and friends live distantly or they have passed away.  Others have family close by, but they are not able to help them due to busyness or lack of interest.   Many seniors have a very active mind but they are confined to their homes because they no longer have the ability to drive or they are too ill to go out.  Their lack of independence gives them lots of time and little to do which is very depressing.

It can be hard to detect depression in a senior because the symptoms can be found in other illnesses.  These can include:

  • lack of energy, tiredness
  • difficulty concentrating
  • irritable, agitated
  • lack of interest
  • constant worry, fear
  • sleep problems
  • sadness, mood changes
  • physical pain

Depression affects people of all ages and we should always pay attention to the people around us and make sure they are not struggling with excessive feelings of sadness or unworthiness.  Depression is a horrible illness that robs people of having a good life and it also negatively affects their families, friends, the people they work with and anyone else they connect with.  We always need to give our loved ones lots of love and support, especially if they are depressed.

Look around you and see if there is anyone you can lift up with your love today.  Is there a family member that you could pay a visit to?  A friend you haven’t called in a while?  A neighbour who doesn’t come out much?  Connect with them and let them know how special they are!

Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for a kindness. ~Seneca

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Robin Williams dead at 63

When I read this headline this morning, I was shocked.  I knew that Robin Williams struggled with depression but he seemed to be so full of life.  He was an amazing actor who could play almost any part and do a great job.  It didn’t matter if it was comedy, drama or even a cartoon character, everything he did was thoroughly entertaining.  Here is an article about his passing…..

If you struggle with depression, please take steps to help yourself.   According to many specialists, depression can be treated effectively and in many cases can be managed to a point where it almost disappears.   Here are some tips:

  • SEEK MEDICAL HELP – Find out what is causing your depression and discuss treatment options.
  • RESEARCH – Learn as much as you can about depression and how it can be helped.  Read stories about people who have overcome depression and how they managed to do so.
  • THERAPY – Find a counsellor, therapist, social worker or pastor who is understanding of your situation and easy to talk to.
  • FAMILY & FRIENDS – Connect with trusted family and friends who can encourage and support you.  Talking to someone every day will keep you focused on recovery.
  • SUPPORT GROUP – Groups can be very supportive.  Make sure they are helping you move forward and not keeping you stuck in your depression.   Check with local organizations and churches.
  • MEDICATION – medications can relieve depression but should never be relied on for an extended period of time unless the depression is very severe.   If you use medication, make sure you also work on developing a healthy lifestyle.
  • EXERCISE – Exercise has been proved to lessen depression.  Take a walk.  Ride a bike.  Join a fitness club.  Engage in a sports activity.
  • KEEP ACTIVE – Keeping your brain and your body active will keep your mind off your problems and you will not feel depressed.  Just make sure you allow time for relaxation so you don’t become worn out from too much activity.
  • BECOME POSITIVE – Work hard to rid yourself of negative thinking as it will keep you focused on being depressed.  Positive thinking is very powerful.  It helps you build confidence in yourself and it will change your life totally.

Everyone feels depressed at one time or another but some people struggle almost every day.   Stats very, but approximately 10% of the world’s population struggles with depression every day.  Sadly, this terrible illness has become a way of life that is slowly destroying them and many don’t even realize that they can make positive changes to their lives.  Don’t let depression rob you of life!  I allowed it to control my life for numerous years and thankfully I finally discovered that I could control my depression.  Now I can enjoy life and I rarely feel depressed.

If you want to learn more about building confidence and becoming more positive, visit my website at



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Depressed? Here are some self-help tips that work.

Depression is a horrible illness that brings pain and loneliness.  It can cause people to withdraw from others and stop taking part in regular activities.  This is self-defeating because it is important to keep busy and get support from other people when you are depressed.  Having struggled with depression all my life, I’ve found ways that can help beat the blues.  Here is a list of some ideas that have worked for me.   Try them and see what works best for you.  There is nothing to lose, but a lot to gain!

  1. Get out of bed at a regular time every morning.  Yes I know it is hard when you feel bad about yourself and the world.  Many times, I’ve just pulled the covers over my head and gone back to sleep which just made me feel worse.  Set your alarm to get up at the same time every day and put it across the room so you can’t just hit the snooze button.Slide15
  2. Make a healthy breakfast.  Eating healthy is good for your body and will help give you energy.
  3. Make a to-do list.  Think about what you want to accomplish that day but don’t just keep thinking and wishing it would happen.   Write it down and you will have a better chance of following through on your thoughts.   Just make sure it is a realistic list.  I made impossible lists and then felt bad because I couldn’t finish everything.
  4. Start with an action that gets your blood moving.  Look at your list and do something.  Even if you have only decided to call a friend, clean your kitchen or take the dog for a walk, this will get you energized.  Then keep working on your list until everything is done.  You will be surprised what you can accomplish and you will feel better!
  5. Compliment yourself.  Every time you accomplish something, no matter how small, tell yourself what a good job you did and encourage yourself to keep going.  It always feels good when someone else gives you an honest compliment but you should also feel good when you give yourself a compliment because you deserve it!
  6. Get support from your loved ones.  Find family or friends who you can trust to support you and encourage you.   Even just one person is a good start.   Set a specific time to talk to someone every day and this will also benefit your loved one because they will feel needed.  Consider family and friends who live far away and have them call, email or write letters to make sure you are keeping on track.
  7. Join a support group.  People who are going through similar challenges can help you navigate your way and become more confident.   You will find support from them and also be able to give them support in return.  However, make sure you test out a group for a time or two and see if the other group members and leaders are being supportive and caring.  Some groups are great, but I’ve attended a few that made me feel play with topsworse than I already did.
  8. Join an interest group, club, church group.  It can be very hard to be sociable with people when you are depressed, but it is very necessary.  Find something that you enjoy doing and give it a try!  Or do something different and have some fun!
  9. Make a nice meal and invite family and friends.  If you already live with someone, they will really appreciate the time you took to make a meal.  If you live alone, they will appreciate being invited.  If you don’t like to cook, it doesn’t have to be a gourmet meal, just make something simple and pick up a dessert or special treat.
  10. Meet a friend for coffee, lunch or a movie.  Call someone who you enjoy spending time with and ask them to meet you.   Be pleasant and enjoy a nice conversation.
  11. Never talk about your depression when socializing.  This is a sure way to drive people away from you.  This is something that I learned from experience.   It’s good therapy to talk about what is bothering you and the more you talk, the easier it gets, but you should be careful who you share your problems with.  Only talk about your depression with your trusted family members and friends, in a support group or with your counsellors.  When you are in a social setting, this is not the time to share your problems.  It also opens yourself up to people who like to gossip and spread your personal issues with other people.
  12. passing stickExercise.  Yes, I know, this is not a word that people like.  However, exercise is good for your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual self.  It helps you in so many ways and will lift your depression.  Sometimes when I was feeling really depressed, my husband would encourage me to go for a walk or bike ride and after I came home, I was feeling energized and the depression was gone.
  13. Volunteer.  There is nothing that is more rewarding than helping someone else.  Doing acts of kindness not only benefits the receiver but also the giver in many ways.  Every time I have volunteered it has helped me in so many ways.
  14. Surround yourself with positive people, places and things.  Make a habit of being positive as much as possible.  It isn’t easy in a negative world but if you keep working on it, it becomes a good habit.  I used to be negative most of the time, but I keep working very hard on being positive and have eliminated as much negativity from my life as possible, and now I’m positive most of the time.
  15. Make an appointment with a counselor, therapist or pastor.  Some people need professional help to get them started on recovery.  Don’t just sit and wait for help to come.  Go and get the help you need.  I did and it really helped me.

When you are depressed, you can only see the world from a negative perspective.  If you want to enjoy life and find happiness, you have to work hard at becoming positive.  This will help you build confidence and increase your esteem which will overcome your depression.  Pay attention to your moods and start looking after your health.   You are an awesome person and you deserve to be happy!

Check out my website for information on building confidence and increasing esteem.

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Being positive may help beat depression

Depression is a growing problem that causes problems in every area of people’s lives.   The World Health Organization estimates that there are more than 100 million people in the world who suffer with depression and many of these are not receiving the proper treatment, if any at all.

Medications are the most common way to treat depression and in some cases it can be effective.  However, there are many people who don’t respond well to medications and others who don’t want to take anything at all.  Studies show that about one-third of patients will still remain depressed even while on medication.

Cognitive therapy has been known to help some people who are depressed.  This type of therapy helps people to recognize the negative thinking that is fueling their depression and correct their false beliefs through realistic thinking.

Other types of treatment for depression include acupuncture, exercise programs, herbal medicines and relaxation therapy.   These have limited success.

In studies done at the University of California and Duke Riverside Medical Centre, researchers have discovered a new treatment that has the potential to help people who don’t respond to medications.  This treatment is low-cost, less time-consuming, has no stigma, carries no side effects and has proven effective.  The treatment is named PAI for Positive Activity Interventions and it is based on the differences between happy and unhappy people.  It teaches people how to practice optimism, be thankful, meditate on positive feelings and perform acts of kindness.   They are still doing research but the results are very promising.  You can read about the study at the following link….  (sorry clicking on the link doesn’t work but you can copy and paste it)

From my own personal experience, I can say that positive thinking does work.  I was depressed for most of my life and looked at life with a negative perspective.   Medications helped me stay balanced for many years but I was still extremely unhappy.  I never expected anything good to happen in my life and had little hope for the future.  When I started practising positive thinking, I was able to see life from a different perspective and have developed a habit of being positive.  This has built my confidence and increased my esteem and led to the creation of my self-esteem project, I M Confident Niagara Canada.  Now I am able to help others develop their esteem through workshops, Confidence Coaching and written materials.

If you are feeling depressed, work hard at becoming more positive.   Visit my website for more information






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Feeling depressed?

people-ThinkingDepression is a terrible illness that affects literally millions of people every day, causing major problems with their health, their relationships and their work productivity.   People with depression struggle with many different symptoms including: feelings of worthlessness, low esteem, negative emotions, lack of energy and loneliness.

If you suffer from depression, it is important that you seek help.  Why?  Because you CAN learn how to control your depression and live a purposeful life.   All it takes is a deep desire to make some positive changes in your life and make a commitment to taking action.

When you feel depressed, the natural thing to do is isolate yourself and focus on your problems, but this is the worst thing you can do.    Here are some things you can do to help yourself:

  1. ASK FOR HELP  You have to try very hard to reach out to someone you can trust and talk to them.  If your family isn’t very supportive or understanding, make an appointment with your family doctor who can discuss different options (medications and/or therapy).
  2. LEARN ABOUT YOUR ILLNESS  Another thing that is very important is to do research and learn as much as you can about depression.   Not understanding what is wrong with you can result in unnecessary stress and fear of the unknown.  Knowledge helps you deal with your situation more effectively.
  3. BE ACTIVE  Depression tries to keep you in bed and feeling bad about yourself.  Fight the desire to do nothing and be active.  Get out of bed and do something.  Go for a walk.  Do some exercise.  Dance to some music.
  4. EAT HEALTHY  Eating healthy foods will make you feel better.   Don’t miss meals or eat junk food.  Try cooking something different.
  5. FOCUS ON THE POSITIVES   Depression has a negative perspective.  Do whatever you can to think positively.  Start your day by saying some positive affirmations and keep doing this through the day.  Read motivational books, listen to happy music, watch funny movies.  Stop your negative thinking.   Don’t allow negative thoughts to ruin your day.
  6. SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVITY   Try not to be around negative people who complain, criticize and make you feel bad.  Join an interest group in an organization or church and make some friends who encourage and support you.

Depression can be controlled if you work hard every day to make positive changes.   The key is taking action.  Your life will never change if you don’t do something about it.  Other people can try to help and support you, but you have to do most of the work yourself.   Stop making excuses, stop blaming others, start taking responsibility for your own life and TAKE ACTION NOW!

Do you have a family member or friend who is depressed?   They need your love and support.  Try to learn as much as you can about depression and how you can help.  Depression is a very misunderstood illness and if you don’t know how to help, you can make the situation worse.   People who are depressed can become stuck in the habit of being depressed and feel like they will never get better.   The truth is, with the proper support, they can gain control over their illness.  It is extremely important that a depressed person knows that someone cares about them and that their life does have value.

Building confidence and increasing esteem is critical to controlling depression.  When you don’t feel good about yourself and have low esteem, you are likely to feel depressed.  In my personal recovery, I did lots of research and read some very good books on building esteem.  From the information gathered, I created a self-esteem workbook that I use in my workshops and confidence coaching.  It has 84 pages of information to help you build esteem and lots of activities to reinforce what you have learned.  Click on the following links for ordering:book thumbnail

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