imconfident

I sincerely believe that it is far more beneficial and far less costly to help a child build confidence than it is to fix an adult who has little or none.

Don’t be a copy of someone else

I’m sure you have heard the quote, “You were born an original, don’t die a copy.”  How well are you following this good advice?

Most of us spend our lives trying to be like someone else instead of being the best version of ourselves that we can be.  As small children, we look to our parents and want to be just like them when we grow up.  When we go to school we look to our friends and other schoolmates, trying to imitate their appearance and behaviours.  Then as an adult we see people who are successful and we try to model their lives.

We all want to be loved and accepted but we believe that we don’t have the qualities necessary to succeed, so we try to copy other people.  The sad fact is, that the people we admire most have just as many flaws and imperfections as we do, but we don’t see them.  We need to realize that we are all unique individuals with special talents and abilities.

Have you been successful in fulfilling your own dreams and reaching your own goals?  Or have you just fulfilled someone else’s dreams and reached someone else’s goals?  This is certainly not the way to find a happy and rewarding life.

Don’t try to be somebody else.  Just be the awesome person you were created to be!   Be confident in yourself!  Believe in yourself!  There is only 1 of you – 1 special you!!!  YOU ARE AN ORIGINAL!

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What kind of seeds are you planting?

Do you know how many thoughts humans have each day?  Research says that we have between 12,000 to 60,000 and about 80% of these thoughts are negative.  Therefore it is important that we develop a habit of positive thinking so we don’t wear ourselves out with defeatist negative thinking.

When we are born, our thoughts are self-centered and negative.  Everything we see and hear has an effect on our emotional, mental, social and spiritual growth.  This is why it is so important that we plant positive seeds in our children and others around us, so they will learn and grow in a positive way.

What if we have grown up in a negative environment and nobody has planted positive seeds in our lives?  It is never too late to change and we can start planting our own positive seeds so we can become a good role model and have a positive effect on the people around us.

Everything we do is a reflection of how we think. Our positive and negative thoughts are shown in our words and actions. If we could all start planting positive seeds in the people around us, think about how beautiful this world could be.

How many positive seeds can you plant today?

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Do you compare yourself to others?

Many of us play the comparison game.  You know the game where you are always looking at other people and wishing you had their lives, their family, their house, their possessions, their looks, their money, their job and whatever else they have that you don’t have.  It is natural for us to look to others and see what they have but when we start comparing our lives with their lives, we almost always come up short.

The problem with this game is that we can become trapped in a negative mindset of bitterness, resentment and unhappiness.  We strive to become like other people and gain what they have at great cost to ourselves.  We live frustrated and  unfulfilled lives. not even realizing that it is a losing battle.

If we could see into the lives of those people we compare ourselves to, we would be surprised to see that they are also comparing themselves to others and wishing for something they didn’t have.  People who have lots of money are often lonely because they put money ahead of their personal relationships and have distanced themselves from family and friends.  People who have more possessions are often in debt and are struggling to pay their bills.  People who have better jobs often hate their work and wish they could do something else.

There will always be someone who is richer, smarter and better looking than we are.  We should celebrate our own strengths and abilities and look to others for inspiration and motivation.   We were created as unique individuals and we should never compare ourselves to others because this is a game we can never win and we will always feel empty.

Instead of comparing ourselves to people who have more than we do, we should compare ourselves to people in the world that have less than we do and be thankful for what we have.  Almost half the world lives on less than $3 day, many of them jobless, homeless and hungry.  It is sad that we want to have what other people have when we have so much already.  Being thankful is a great positive habit to develop and the only way to win the comparison game.  When we think about others instead of ourselves, we will find true happiness and peace.

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Worry is a waste of time

I used to worry about everything.  I was a real worrywart.  If you haven’t heard this term before, it refers to someone who worries without a cause.  We worry about almost anything; our families, our health, our job, money, the weather and everything in between.

Worrying is normal but some people carry it to an excess.  They may even avoid certain places, people and activities because they are worried about getting hurt or sick.

Excessive worrying can lead to stress and anxiety and make you physically ill.  It can also affect your appetite, your sleep, your relationships and your work.  This can lead to harmful lifestyle habits such as alcohol, drugs and smoking. Better to try and work on changing one bad habit (worrying) instead of adding more bad habits.

When we are faced with a situation that causes us to worry we need to consider whether or not there is anything we can do to change the situation If there is, then we should take action so we can stop worrying about it. If we can’t change the situation, then we need to try to release our worry by focusing on doing something positive.   Worrying will NOT change the outcome.

Write down your worries in a journal and forget about them. Writing things down is a great way to relieve stress. Then at the end of the day, sit down in a comfortable place and review your worries. How many actually turned out the way you expected?

Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.  Erma Bombeck

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A dangerous weapon

Did you know that you carry a very dangerous weapon with you? Most people don’t even realize that they carry a weapon that is so destructive it can tear apart families, destroy relationships and even cause death.

Our tongue is a huge weapon. It is a very small part of us but it holds the power of life and death. It can be more dangerous than guns or knives and cause a mountain of damage in our lives.

We can choose to use positive words or negative words. Positive words can impart valuable information, be encouraging or bring happiness to others. Negative words can spread lies, discourage and hurt others. Words can also hurt ourselves when we are using negative self-talk and repeating the lies that others have said to us.

There is a reason why we have 1 tongue, 2 eyes and 2 ears. We SHOULD listen more and see more than we speak. Sadly many people lash out at others before they even consider the consequences of their words. Bullying is a good example of how words affect people.

We need to be very careful with our “dangerous weapon” and try to “kill” people with kindness instead of destroying them with our words.  Think carefully before you speak.  Practice changing any negative thoughts into positive thoughts and create a habit of positive thinking.

 

 

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Are there S..words in your words?

Are your words sharp and cutting?  Do they hurt people?  Are they critical and harsh?  If you aren’t careful with your words, they can be like swords and cut right into the heart of another person.

Many of us go through life not even knowing the effect of our words.  We have to really listen to ourselves and hear what is coming out of our mouths.  Then we have to try to stop any words that are negative and hurtful.  Our words come from our thoughts and we can’t stop our negative thinking but we CAN stop speaking negative words.

It is a choice as to what we say to others and ourselves.  Just as when we pour coffee into a cup, we can also pour dirty water into a cup.  It is the same for our words.  We can pour out our negative thoughts and create pain or we can pour out positive thoughts and create possibilities.   Negative words can tear down and discourage.  Positive words can lift up and encourage.

We have the power to change our words.  All we have to do is create a habit of positive thinking.  It takes time and effort but if we are consciously aware of our thoughts, we CAN change.  When those negative thoughts come floating into our heads, we can stop ourselves from letting them become negative words.  Challenge those thoughts; change them into something positive or just let them float away and say nothing.

Are there s..words in your words?  Stop using your words to hurt and start using your words to heal.

 

 

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Stop making those new year’s resolutions

Why do we make New Year’s resolutions?  Because we know that our lives are in chaos, that changes need to be made and deep down we want to be a better person.  The problem is – we don’t keep those resolutions and we slip back into old habits again.  Why does this happen?

When we make a resolution, it is trying to change something that is superficial.  We want to lose weight so we start dieting or exercising.  We want to quit smoking or another bad habit so we promise ourselves that we will stop.  We want to get our houses cleaned up so we try to sort and organize.  We want to stop spending more money than we make and we try to follow a budget.  But this is just the tip of the iceberg.  There is something deeper going on that we should be addressing.  We should ask ourselves why we are doing the thing we don’t want to do.

  • Why are we gaining weight?
  • Why are we smoking?
  • Why are we biting our nails?
  • Why is our house so cluttered?
  • Why do we spend too much money on things we don’t need?
  • Why do we have this bad habit?

We need to check deep inside ourselves and figure out what is causing the problem in the first place.  Is there a relationship issue that needs to be resolved?  Is there an emotional issue that requires professional help?  Do we need an attitude adjustment?  Do we lack the confidence needed to make positive changes?  Do we have supportive people who can give us the push we need to move ahead?

Making change is difficult and we need to understand who we are and why we do the things we do before we can make any lasting changes.  Forget those New Year’s resolutions that you won’t likely keep.  Spend time doing some searching and making positive changes.

 

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Learn how to fail successfully

We all fail.  This is inevitable.  If we didn’t fail, we wouldn’t be human.  So why do we feel so bad when we fail?

Basically we are programmed to feel bad.  Society makes us think that we need to be perfect in order to succeed in life.   We are led to believe that mistakes are bad and perfection is good.  However, this is wrong.  We are all imperfect and we all make mistakes and there is absolutely nothing wrong with this!

We are taught to value what people think of us more that what we think of ourselves.  Actually we shouldn’t care what people think as long we know that we are being a good person and doing the right thing.  Just try to be a better person today than you were yesterday and stop worrying about what people think.

We are taught that winning is more important than losing.  Well someone has to lose, we can’t all win.  So instead of feeling bad for ourselves when we lose, we should be happy for those who win and congratulate them.  Winning is not all it’s cracked up to be.  People who are obsessed with winning are angry, impatient and unhappy.  What a horrible way to go through life!

We are taught to be the first in line.  Everyone can’t be first so why should the rest of us feel bad?  This is ridiculous.  If you are the 35th person, just be patient and enjoy where you are.   If you studied hard for a test and did your best but just barely passed, don’t feel like you aren’t as good as the ones who got top marks.  There is no shame in doing your best.  Just be proud of your accomplishments and don’t compare yourself to other people.

We are taught that being rejected is bad.  The fact is that someone will always reject you.  It could be a friend, a family member, a boss, maybe someone you don’t even know.  You can’t win the love of everyone in the world so stop letting it make you feel bad.  People are people and they will hurt you.  This doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you and it certainly doesn’t make you a failure.

Many people go through life feeling like a failure because they have faulty beliefs.   They think there is something wrong with them and this isn’t true.  Everyone fails.  This is how we learn.  Mistakes are just opportunities to learn and we can do this with great success if we keep our mind open.

When you feel like a failure, here are 10 things to focus on:

  1. Tell yourself you are NOT a failure.  Stop your thoughts dead in their tracks.  Don’t allow yourself to zone in on those negative thoughts and beliefs.
  2. Challenge your thoughts.  Ask yourself, “Why do I feel like a failure?  Did I do something wrong or did someone tell me I did something wrong?  Where are these thoughts coming from?
  3. Change your focus to positive thoughts.  Negative thinking is a bad habit.  Consciously be aware of what you are saying and change any negative thoughts to positive thoughts.  “I made a mistake this time but I’m going to try harder next time.” “I was wrong but I can do better.”
  4. Take action.  Write down your thoughts and determine what you can do to avoid making the same mistake again.   Make a plan that take you in a different direction.  Create some goals.
  5. Do research.  There are tons of books, articles and videos about successful people who have struggled with failure.  Listen to what they did to overcome the obstacles in their life and try doing what they did to become successful.
  6. Look for the positive people in your life.  The people you hang out with will make a huge impact on your life.  Surround yourself with family and friends who are loving and supportive.  They will help you through your struggles and encourage you to keep going.
  7. Learn lessons from your mistakes.  There is a lesson to be learned from every mistake you made.  You have the choice to stay stuck in your mistakes and feel like a failure or you can move ahead and use that mistake as a learning tool.
  8. Never give up.  Failing doesn’t make you a failure.  Giving up makes you a failure.  So NEVER give up. Every successful person in this world was a failure at some point but they never gave up.   YOU can be that successful failure.  Create your own story of success and share it with others!

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What would you do if you had 1 month to live?

We don’t get to choose our birthplace, our parents or when we will die but we DO get to choose how we live during our short time on this earth.  We ever know what tomorrow will bring so we should live well today.  How?

  • love the people around you
  • do everything to the best of your ability
  • help others
  • forgive quickly

Each day is a gift that we can enjoy and share with others.  Instead of wasting time filling our days with things that don’t matter, we should be doing things that will make a difference in someone’s life.  This could be as simple as taking a friend for coffee, calling a distant relative or volunteering a couple of hours a month for a local organization. It is all the small things in life that add up to a huge amount of blessings.  Make sure every day counts and don’t end up with regrets, wishing you had done more during your life.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. If you only had 1 month to live, what would you do?

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Who are you trying to impress?

Many of us spend our entire lives trying to impress other people.  We spend money on things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like or even know.  We want to look good so we can be well received by others at work, school or anywhere we go in the community.  There is certainly nothing wrong with wanting to do good job and get positive feedback from other people but when we place our value on what other people think, we are never going to feel good about ourselves.  Trying to impress others is giving our power to them and will ultimately lead to stress and frustration.

Our value does NOT come from what we have or what we do.  Our value comes from who we are!  Getting validation or acknowledgment from others is nice but this should never replace how we feel about ourselves.  Instead of wasting time and energy trying to impress others, we should be trying to impress ourselves.  This means we should just try to be a better person than we were yesterday.  Be authentic to yourself and work on improving your character and building confidence.  When you accomplish something, give yourself a big pat on the back and tell yourself what a great job you did.  Don’t wait for others make you feel valuable – do it yourself!  You are worth it!

 

 

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