imconfident

I sincerely believe that it is far more beneficial and far less costly to help a child build confidence than it is to fix an adult who has little or none.

Which is more powerful – the spoken word or the written word?

All words are powerful and can have a huge effect on people, either in a positive or a negative way.  Positive words show love and support.  They can motivate, encourage and heal broken minds, bodies and souls.  Negative words tear down and destroy.  They can start arguments, cause relationship breakdowns and damage our minds, bodies and souls.

It is really hard to decide whether the spoken word or the written word is more powerful.    I think it all depends on the message that is being communicated and who you are trying to reach.

  • Spoken words impact the people close around you.  Written words can reach people all around the world.
  • Spoken words combine with body language to express emotions.  Written words are limited in expressing emotions, however some statements can bring out powerful and emotional reactions.
  • Spoken words are clearly communicated and written words can be misread and misinterpreted.
  • Spoken words are more personal and written words are impersonal.

When it comes to personal relationships, I think the spoken word is more powerful and we can impact someone more when we are face-to-face and using our body language to convey a message.  In a positive way, if someone is struggling and needs to feel our love and encouragement, we can do this much better with our spoken words.   In a negative way, our words can also tear someone down very quickly.

If we are trying to send a message to many people, I think the written word is more powerful.   We can communicate our words with thousands of people through writing books or blogging.

In any case, words are powerful and we need to be careful how we communicate with others.   Choose your words carefully and always try to be positive even if you have a differing opinion or have to discipline or correct someone.

In your opinion, which is more powerful – the spoken word or the written word?

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Help your children build esteem

It is so important that we teach our children how to build their confidence and maintain a strong esteem.  Young people struggle today with their body image, feeling insecure and having distorted ideas about their appearance.   Media pressures are extremely powerful and can have disastrous effects on a child who lacks confidence in their abilities and has very little esteem.   They need the support of parents who can be positive role models that demonstrate through example how to feel good about their own self-image.

When your children are small, start helping them build confidence by working alongside them to master their abilities and skills, supporting them when they fail and encouraging them to try again.  When children feel that they are loved and valued, they will become confident and this will build their esteem.    If you are a parent who lacks confidence and has low esteem, work hard to make positive changes in your own life so you can help your children become confident, responsible adults.  Don’t let your children struggle with feelings of insecurity, believing what the media tells them and allowing bullies to have a negative effect on their thinking.   The article below shows the devastating effects that bullies have on insecure teens.

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2015/apr/16/bullied-teenagers-increasingly-want-to-have-cosmetic-surgery-says-survey

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Stop digging debt ditches

We live in a society that promotes spending.  Everywhere you look, someone is offering products and services that are sure to make you a better person.  Or do they?  How many of those products and services gave you lasting happiness?  And how many caused you to dig a deeper ditch that put you in deeper debt?

Spending money can be fun.  Buying clothes, enjoying a nice meal or taking a vacation are great.  But what happens when you overspend and find yourself in trouble?

“The American consumer is facing dire financial straits……..As a people we have forgotten how to delay pleasure”.  These words are found in a book by Dave Ramsey, a man who knows what it’s like to have it all and lose it all.  He was a millionaire by age 26 and lost it all by age 30 due to many foolish decisions about money.   In his books, he tries to help people get debt-free using tough but successful methods that have worked for him.  He promotes having Financial Peace, which is the name of one of his best-selling books.

We have to stop digging debt ditches and pay cash for things we want.  That shiny new car, expensive wardrobe or must-have vacation should be something to save towards instead of paying on credit and enjoying it right now.  When you get to the bottom of your ditch and there isn’t anywhere else to go, does that new item still look good?  Not likely.  I’ve already been to the bottom of my ditch and I wish I had made better choices.

Buy what you need and save for want you want.  Remember, your wants are not the same as your needs.   Plan for a vacation or those expensive ‘toys’ that you want and then start saving.  Believe me, you will get much more satisfaction and joy when you pay cash and don’t have all the bills coming in.

STOP DIGGING THOSE DEBT DITCHES!

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He who dies with the most toys wins…….

Hostuffw many people actually believe this silly statement?  It can be seen on signs, bumper stickers and t-shirts. In a society where materialism is promoted constantly, many people believe that acquiring possessions is important.  They think that possessions will bring happiness and will add more valuable to their lives.   The truth is, possessions do not add value to a person but actually take away value.  Having nice things is great but accumulating lots of stuff can result in financial problems and relationship issues.

Our value comes from knowing who we are and being able to impact others in a positive way.  If we are confident and have good esteem, we will realize our value and be able to use our abilities and skills to help other people.  Instead of spending a lot of money accumulating possessions, we should be spending time with our families and friends.   Life can very lonely when we are surrounded by stuff instead of people.

We can fill our homes to the ceiling with possessions, but what kind of happiness does this bring?

  • What about that kitchen appliance that is shoved in the back of the cupboard and never used?
  • What about that brand new, expensive car that you are still paying for?
  • What about those toys that your children played with once?
  • What about the clothing packed in boxes that you might just wear again someday?
  • What about those books that are piled in the basement and you never have time to read?

 

When you die, do you want to be surrounded by stuff or surrounded by your loved ones?  Stuff cannot love you and support you.  Stuff cannot talk to you or comfort you.  Stuff only takes, it never gives.  So do you believe that he who dies with the most toys wins?  I certainly don’t.  I believe that he who dies with the most toys loses…………everything!

 

 

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Wake up and smile

wake up and smile froggy This froggy has the right attitude.   If we wake up and smile, we have a good chance of having a good day.  If we wake up and growl, it’s likely that we won’t have such a good day.    A positive attitude breeds positivity.  A negative attitude breeds negativity.

So what will you do when you wake up tomorrow?  The choice is yours!

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Always think the best

People are all different.  We look different; we act different; we talk different; we eat different foods and play different games; we enjoy doing different activities.  Yes, we are all different and that is what makes us great.

Yet when it comes to relationships, our differences are often the cause of many problems.  We don’t like what the other person said, so we get angry.  We don’t like what the other person does, so we complain.  We point out their flaws; we criticize them when they do something wrong; we just can’t get along because they are different from we are and this frustrates us!  Why?  Because we are selfish and we want things our way.  We expect people to do what we want them to do.  We expect them to please us.  We expect them to make us happy.  We have high expectations of other people and they often let us down and disappoint us.  Why?  Because they are different and they can’t always do what we expect.

This is why relationships have conflict.  We have expectations about the other person and they have expectations of us.   Our expectations aren’t always realistic because we usually only see them from our point of view.  There is a gap between what our expectations are and how the other person can or cannot meet our expectations.  For example:  A husband and wife both work all day.   The mom gets home just as the kids are arriving from school and starts preparing supper.  When the dad comes home from work, she wants her husband to help look after the kids and he just wants to sit and relax until supper is ready.  So what happens?  Their expectations of each other are not met and conflict arises.

What were their expectations?  The husband grew up in a home where he was expected to do his homework while his mom made supper and his dad relaxed after getting home from work.  He expected his home to work the same way.  However, the wife grew up in a home where her father came home to play with the kids while her mom made supper.  She expected her home to work the same way.  Neither even realized where their expectations came from and wondered why they always had problems.

We need to understand why we have expectations and what we can do about them.  We can either fill the gap in our expectations with other people by thinking the worst about the other person or thinking the best.   What would this look like?  In the situation above, thinking the worst would look like:

  • The husband thinks he is entitled to having some peace and quiet when he gets home and doesn’t understand why his wife nags him to help look after the kids.  She should have everything under control so he can relax before dinner.  He wonders why she is always so disorganized.  Her nagging irritates him and he yells at the kids.
  • The wife thinks her husband should be helping her keep things under control.  If he would just spend some time with the kids, she could get dinner ready and then they could all relax and have a nice family dinner together.  He is just so selfish thinking about himself and too lazy to help out.  She puts supper on the table and doesn’t feel like making any conversation.

Now, the situation would have been much better if both husband and wife had thought the best about each other.  Here is what that would look like:

  • The husband comes home expecting to find peace and quiet but instead the kids are running around and his wife is trying to make supper amidst the chaos.  He thinks about how hard she works outside the home and then has to come home and look after the kids and make a meal.  What a wonderful wife he has.  She sure looks after the family.  He gives her a kiss and then asks what he can do to help.  She feels important and special.
  • The wife tries to get the kids working on their homework or doing some other activity while she prepares supper.  She knows her husband will be tired after working all day and he is probably looking forward to having some peace and quiet when he comes home.  Sometimes he is a little late because he has to meet a client so she goes ahead and feeds the kids and then waits for him to arrive.  When he comes home, she smiles and asks how he is feeling.  This makes him feels valued and appreciated.

So which is the better way to bridge the gap between our expectations and how the other person responds?  Thinking the worst or thinking the best?  It may be hard to always think the best of the other person, but it is certainly worth the effort and the result.

 

 

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