CHOICES

Every day we are faced with making choices.  Sometimes these choices are easy and sometimes they are difficult.  Sometimes we make the right decision and sometimes we make the wrong decision.  That’s life.  We don’t always make good choices because we are human but we should learn something and do better the next time.

Here is a very short story that shows what happens when we take responsibility for our own actions and make try to make good choices.  If we keep doing the same thing over and over, we can’t expect different results.  We have to try something new.

Autobiography In Five Short Chapters   by Portia Nelson

CHAPTER I

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk

I fall in.

I am lost … I am helpless.

It isn’t my fault.

It takes me forever to find a way out.

CHAPTER II

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don’t see it.

I fall in again.

I can’t believe I am in the same place

but, it isn’t my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

CHAPTER III

 I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in … it’s a habit.

my eyes are open

I know where I am.

It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

CHAPTER IV

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

CHAPTER V

I walk down another street.

Understanding men and women

Men and women have always had problems communicating with each other and they always will.  Why is there such a problem with communication?   Basically because people are all different in how they think and act.   Besides these individual differences, there are also big differences in how men and women communicate.

• Women in general are more emotional than men.
• Men like to get things done quickly and get right to the point without a lot of hassle.
• Women like to talk about things and men don’t.
• Women are more nurturing and protective.
• Men like to be heroes and feel powerful.
• Women show their feelings, men try to hide them.

When it comes to money issues, this can be very emotional for both men and women in different ways.  For men, having enough money means they are a success or a failure.  For women, having enough money means security.  If there are financial problems in a relationship, this can make a man feel like a failure and women feel insecure.

There are differences in any relationship and we need to try to understand that we all see things from our own unique perspective.  A lot of factors determine how we understand things and if we are going to have good relationships, it is important that we accept our differences and try to communicate with each other.

Communication is the key to good, lasting relationships and marriages.  When communication breaks down, the relationship will also break down.

Show love to your children

My husband was checking his Facebook account this morning and I was reading my emails.   He likes watching the short video clips and I heard the sound of a lady’s voice screaming.  When I looked to see what he was watching, it was a clip about a mother yelling and using the F word, at her child to clean up the mess in the bedroom and that she was posting this on Facebook, apparently for the purpose of shaming the child.

I know there are many parents who raise their children in this type of negative environment, but hearing and seeing this really upset me.  I wrote a quick comment – ‘This is a terrible thing to do to a child.  It will destroy their esteem.”  I wanted to add more and tell her that she should be ashamed of herself, but I stopped myself.   I’ve learned to see people from a different perspective and I realized that this women had probably been raised in a similar environment and probably thought she was doing the right thing.  Some of the comments she received from other people were praising her for taking control of her child.

It’s sad that people think it is okay to raise a child by controlling them, belittling them and criticizing them.  This only creates an adult who has insecurities, fears and the inability to make good choices in life.  Children need to be raised in a loving, encouraging environment if they are to become responsible, caring adults.

I feel very sorry for that poor child that was criticized and put down on Facebook where everyone could see it.  What a cruel form of punishment!  However, I also feel sorry for that mother who didn’t know any better.

It is so important that we try to be good examples for those around us, whether they are children, teens or adults and try to model love and kindness.

Parents, please love your children with all your heart.  Children are special!

Feeling confident

How would you react if you walked into a room and a total stranger said, “Hello.  How are you?  That is a very nice sweater that you are wearing!

Would you take it as a compliment and feel good about  yourself?

Would you be upset and wonder why I was being nice to you?

Would you be embarrassed and want to hide?

Everyone reacts differently when receiving a compliment.  People who have confidence in their self-image will feel good.  People who lack trust in others may think there is an ulterior motive.  People who have low esteem will not believe the praise is true.

In order for anyone to feel beautiful or handsome, they must be confident and love themselves (not in a selfish or harmful way).  The way to achieve a high level of confidence is to address all four areas of a person’s being – the mind, body, soul and spirit.  People tend to concentrate on just 1 or 2 areas and neglect the others, thus defeating total success.

Feeling confident about how you look will promote you when it comes to relationships, work and finding your purpose in life.

Do you feel confident in how you look?

Do you feel confident in how you act?

Do you feel confident in how you speak?

Start building some confidence and increasing your self-esteem and you will feel better about yourself.

I can’t

How many times do we say “I can’t”?   Do you have any idea how powerful this short and negative statement is?  As soon as you think these words, you have already convinced yourself that something is not possible.

Negative statements about yourself can be self-destructive.  Just a few simple words can damage your self-esteem, keep you from building relationships and stop you from living up to your full potential in life.

Listen carefully to the words you think and say.

• Are they negative?
• Are they limiting your life?
• Are they stopping you from taking a risk and trying something new?

Most of the negative things we say to ourselves are not true.  We sometimes believe things that other people have said about us and they are not even realistic.

Whenever you have a negative thought, try to replace it with a positive thought.  When you hear yourself speaking negative words, stop yourself and change them to positive words.  Stop discouraging yourself and start encouraging yourself.

I can’t becomes I can.  Don’t tell yourself you can’t do something in life and that you aren’t good enough because you won’t even try and you might miss out on something good.  Instead tell yourself that you can do it.  You are just as good as anyone else in the world and even if you are not able to do it the same way that someone else does or maybe not as good, it doesn’t matter because we are all different and have different abilities and skills.  What is important in life is that you try your best and keep trying until you succeed.  You will fail in life, but you are never a failure until you stop trying.

You can control your thoughts and words.  You have to be consciously aware of what you are thinking and saying, then keep practicing until it becomes habit.

Have a positively positive day!

You are the light

We live in a world full of darkness.   Everywhere you look, we are surrounded by forces that damage and destroy our very existence.   We are pulled to do things that we know are wrong and we often compromise to keep peace in our lives.

When we live in darkness we can’t navigate through life properly.  We get lost, confused and become insecure and full of fears.

Darkness is just the absence of light.  If we want to see where we are going, we need to stay in the light.

It can be very difficult to be a bright light when the world around us is dark, but if we do what is right and keep our own light burning brightly, it will reflect on others and help their light shine.

Together we can create a world of light and beauty.  Be a source of light in this dark world and inspire those around you!

 

The quest to find happiness

We are all on a quest to find happiness in life.  The problem is, most of us are looking in the wrong places.  For most of my life, I believed that happiness was found in how I looked, how smart I was, the people I connected with and the things I owned.  But through all my searching, I’ve discovered that happiness comes from within ourselves.  It is how we look at life, our perspective and our attitude.

I haven’t written a book on happiness (not yet) and I’m certainly not an expert in psychology, but I’ve read lots of books, done tons of research and have come to certain conclusions using the information I’ve gained along with personal experience.   There seems to be unanimous agreements about what creates happiness and what doesn’t.

What do most people think will bring them happiness?

• money
• possessions
• power/success
• friends
• leisure time
• being healthy

These things can bring happiness, but only for a temporary period of time and then people need more money or more stuff to make them happy again.  There are lots of people who have money, power and possessions who are lonely and unhappy because they are never satisfied with what they have and don’t take time to make good relationships.   Having lots of friends don’t always make you happy because they are often too busy with their own problems and can’t be there when you need them.  Having lots of free time can make you happy, but after awhile it can get very boring and unchallenging.  Being healthy is important, but there are many people who are healthy and not happy, yet there are lots of people with serious health issues that are very happy with their lives.

Nobody can be happy all the time because life will always have difficulties and turmoil.  We have to endure relationship problems, school or work issues,  illnesses, tragedies and deaths.  There is no way you can avoid these problems but you can maintain a positive attitude and look towards a brighter future.

So what do we need to be happy?  The most important thing is love.  We need to love someone special and be loved in return.  We also need to have a purpose in life, believe in ourselves and have faith.

The only person in this world that can make you happy is yourself.   We give other people the power to make us happy and this doesn’t work because people are not predictable and then when they let us down, we blame them for our unhappiness.  It isn’t even fair to expect other people to make us happy because it isn’t their responsibility, just as it isn’t your responsibility to make anyone else happy.

“Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier.  The way it actually works is the reverse.  You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.”  ~Margaret Young

Friday Fodder: Declining Moral Values

I totally agree. Moral values are declining and it is causing major problems in our world. Parents, caregivers, families, friends, teachers, everyone needs to take responsibility in taking the time to teach our children to be responsible.

My Vuze, My Takes

There are many differing opinions on the reason for the decaying of moral values in our society.  One thing that is mutually agreed upon is that it is indeed decaying.  Or declining.  Some say it is just scriptures coming to past.  Others blame it on television. Maybe it is all the above and then some.  For me, one of the major reasons is parenting.  Moral values go hand in hand with parenting.  Proper parenting ensures that values are instilled in our children.  If we fail to do that, then they grow up barely able to discern right from wrong.  Then they make their own laws.

It’s interesting to note the differences in the problems that schools in the 1940’s faced compared to schools in the 80’s.  Just a 40 year gap.  Astounding!  In the 40’s, the major problems were truancy, running in the halls, talking in class, and chewing gum. …

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Facebook is the living dead

I seem to be obsessed with writing about social media these days.    A couple of months ago, I came across a site called Media Smarts (www.mediasmarts.ca) which is Canada‘s on-line centre for digital and media literacy.  Every day, I get headlines sent to me that keep me updated on what is happening the media and Facebook is often one of the topics discussed.

Today one of the articles is named,  “Teenagers Hate Facebook, but They’re Not Logging Off”.  It talks about how teens are complaining about too many adults using Facebook, too much pressure and too many negative social interactions.  Yet, it states that 94% of American teenagers still maintain their profile.  http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2013/05/22/teenagers_hate_facebook_a_pew_study_says_that_94_percent_of_teens_use_facebook.html

The article further states, “Facebook is the living dead: the most popular, least relevant social network where teenagers and adults alike gather out of fear of missing out on things that don’t even make them happy”.  Isn’t this crazy?  Why are teens obsessed with being part of something that they don’t really like?

There are several reasons:

• they want people to like them
• find out what friends are doing, make plans, post pictures
• want to be up-to-date with what is going on, good or bad
• can maintain more friendships than in person and have a larger group of friends
• easier to contact people and can communicate messages to several people at a time
• can tell people about themselves
• they can hide behind a screen and only reveal what they want to
• they can be themselves and not worry about what other people think
• they can connect with their friends even if they aren’t allowed out of the house
• they can connect with people that they are not allowed to be around
• they can say what they want without getting an instant reaction

Teens and anyone else who uses social media should be very careful in how they interact with other people.  It’s great to share information and pictures as long as it is not inappropriate or harmful to yourself or anyone else.  You need to protect yourself from people who want to hurt you or destroy your reputation.  It is VERY EASY to put yourself in a dangerous or vulnerable situation but it is NOT EASY to recover from any damage that is done.  One thing to keep in mind is that future, potential employers often use Facebook for  personal reference checks to see what type of person you are.   If they see inappropriate information on your site, whether is it something that you have posted or something that one of your friends has posted, it can make you look bad and you will not be chosen for that job you were interested in.  I know because my daughter’s company always checks out applicants on Facebook and many have not been hired because of their profiles or posts.  Always watch your words and be selective of your photos.

Here are some important guidelines that everyone should follow when using any type of social media (also when emailing or texting):

• use your privacy settings to protect your personal information from being seen by anyone you don’t know really well, just allow your close friends to view your stuff
• only accept invitations from people you know personally, not just someone who knows a friend because they may not be your friend
• NEVER post your address or phone number on your profile or give it out in an email or text, it’s also a good idea just to use your first name and last initial
• NEVER post specific details of where you are going all the time, this may interest a stalker
• NEVER tell people that your family is going on a vacation, this may interest anyone who is looking for a place to rob
• don’t post anything that is inappropriate on your own profile or anyone else’s profile
• if anyone does post anything inappropriate on your wall, DELETE IT IMMEDIATELY
• if you are harassed continuously, DO NOT allow anyone to keep hurting you……DELETE YOUR ACCOUNT

Social media can be a good thing when used properly.  Please be cautious and protect yourself!

What are we doing to protect our children?

 Almost every time I read an article about social media, it addresses a problem that is on the rise.  Social media can be a good thing when it keeps you in touch with your loved ones and friends, allowing you to stay updated on what is happening and view some nice pictures.

However, when people are posting nasty comments and inappropriate pictures, social media is not being used in the proper way.   It’s great that people can share information, but not when it is at the expense of someone else.

People are losing their moral values and don’t seem to care if they hurt someone else.   The freedom to say anything we what about anyone, has created serious problems for families and relationships; causing breakdowns, violent acts and sexual immorality.

I do have a Facebook account that I have recently re-opened, but I am not really a fan of social media.  When I first opened my account a few years ago, I thought it was great to connect with family and friends.  Most people are busy and we can’t keep track of what is going on, so I faithfully checked my account every day.   Then one day, I noticed some personal information that had been shared about a friend and I was shocked that anyone could do this.   My friend was devastated!  At that time, Social Media problems were just starting and I hadn’t really heard much about them.  It was enough to make me close my account and for a few years I just never bothered.

Now that I am back on Facebook, I see so much that should never be posted and I wonder why we are allowing this to happen.  Adults (parents, teachers, family members, friends) need to be responsible role models and teach children how to use social media in an appropriate way.

I read an article this morning about Social Media and how teenagers are posting intimate information about themselves online.  http://www.thestar.com/business/tech_news/2013/05/22/teens_use_divulge_on_social_media_at_unprecedented_levels.html

We are destroying ourselves and our children by allowing personal information and pictures to be distributed as if they don’t matter.   We DO matter and we need to respect ourselves and others.   

Do you care?  What are you doing to protect our children?