imconfident

I sincerely believe that it is far more beneficial and far less costly to help a child build confidence than it is to fix an adult who has little or none.

Trick or Treat

Today is Halloween in many countries.  The word Halloween means ‘hallowed or holy evening’ and is believed to be of Christian origin, falling on the day before All Saints’ Day (Nov 1) and All Souls’ Day (Nov 2).

The custom of treat or treating goes back to the fifteenth century when groups of poor people, mostly children, would go door-to-door collecting soul cakes for the souls in purgatory.   Candles were commonly lit in houses to guide lost souls back to their earthly homes.  Various rituals and ceremonies were followed in Ireland, France, Spain, Italy and other countries.

Halloween has now become a huge celebration around the world.  People of all ages don costumes to go trick or treating, attend parties, light bonfires, visit haunted attractions, watch horror movies and take part in other amusing and entertaining events.

I used to enjoy Halloween when I was a child, dressing up and going out with my friends to pick up a few treats.  Then as a mother, I continued to dress up and go out with my children.  It was fun seeing all the cute costumes and we had a good time.  However, now I must confess that I’ve stopped celebrating Halloween because it just isn’t fun anymore.   It has just become another commercial adventure that convinces us to spend too much money on costumes, decorations and candy.

  • We dress our children in costumes that are too scary or too sexy which forms their ideas on how they should dress.
  • We teach them to get as much candy as they can so they learn to become greedy.
  • We allow our teens to go trick or treating and often they complain or act in an aggressive manner when they don’t get the kind of candy they like.
  • Young children are being allowed to watch horror movies or go to haunted displays which can have a negative impact on them.
  • Children being injured or killed (according to stats – twice as many children die in car-pedestrian accidents on Halloween than on any other day)
  • Then there are a lot of evil rituals held on Halloween that I won’t even mention

So you might think I’m just a party pooper, but after giving some treats to my grandson tonight I will probably be out somewhere enjoying the evening air while a majority of the world celebrates Halloween.

Now here is something I like to see  http://youtu.be/GkBDRUO8hAo

 

 

 

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Are your problems heavy?

How heavy are your problems?  Do they burden you down and make you feel exhausted?  We think about our problems over and over again until we feel the pressure and pain of stress.   Most of us don’t even realize that we are carrying such a heavy weight around with us.

man with burden

I heard a story about a lecturer who was talking to a group about stress management.  He asked them how much a glass of water would weigh.  Of course it only weighs a few ounces.  But  if you held that glass of water for a period of time what would happen?

  • if you held the glass for a few minutes, nothing would happen
  • if you held the glass for an hour, your hand and arm would start to hurt
  • if you held the glass for 24 hours, you would probably have a lot of pain, your hand and arm would become numb or paralyzed and you might have to go to the hospital

So why would you have so much pain when the glass didn’t weigh very much?    This is because the longer you hold on to something, the heavier it becomes.  The same goes for our problems.  If we hold onto them for a long period of time, they will cause unavoidable pain and stress.  If you think about your problems all day, day after day, they will end up paralyzing you and you won’t be able to do anything.

How can we avoid having pain and stress?   If you are holding a glass, the answer is simple.  Just let go of the glass and put it down.  If you are holding onto your problems, the answer is simple but harder to do.   Just let go of your problems and put down your burden.  Don’t keep carrying your problems around.  Try to resolve them if you can.  It will take some time and effort but if you are persistent and patient, the results will be positive.

hands outstretched with hears

Give your stress wings and let it fly away. ~Terri Guillemets

Let go and let God.  ~Unknown

Inner peace can be reached only when we practice  forgiveness. Forgiveness is letting go of the past,  and is therefore the means for correcting our misperceptions.  ~Gerald Jampolsky

There’s an important difference between giving up and letting go.   ~Jessica Hatchigan

Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head.  ~Ann Landers

Think about any attachments that are depleting your emotional reserves. Consider letting them go.  ~Oprah Winfrey

Ask yourself this question:  Will this matter a year from now?  ~Richard Carlson Ph.D

Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.  ~Herman Hesse
 
Let go. Why do you cling to pain? There is nothing you can do about the wrongs of yesterday. It is not yours to judge. Why hold on to the very thing which keeps you from hope and love?  ~Leo Buscaglia

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Unhappiness is a habit

angry jumpingEveryone has their own unique way of living life and our habits play a big part in how we handle our lives.

Did you know that your emotions are habits?  Everything you do on a regular basis without thinking is a habit.   Habits can be positive or negative.  Unfortunately, many people have more negative habits than positive habits.  They become stuck in these habits which negatively affect their lives.   Having negative emotions can impact your relationships, work, school and all areas of your life.

  • being unhappy is a habit
  • being angry is a habit
  • being depressed is a habit
  • being bitter is a habit
  • being lazy is a habit
  • being selfish is a habit
  • being unkind is a habit

These negative habits stop a person from having happiness and success in their lives and are often due to a lack of confidence and low esteem.

If you are struggling with bad, negative habits that are causing problems in your life, try to form some new, positive habits that will contribute something worthwhile to your life and help you achieve your dreams and goals.

It takes about 21 to 30 days to create a new habit.   Decide that you are going to become more positive about life and then start working on building positive habits.

  • say positive affirmations first thing in the morning to put yourself in a positive mood for the day, then repeat them during the day to reinforce your positive feelings.jump for joy
  • actively stop yourself when you say negative words and replace these with positive words
  • be nice to other people, do acts of kindness daily
  • every day write down a (realistic) list of things you have to do and stick with it
  • make a habit of hanging around positive people
  • do activities that will put you in a positive mindset

If you consciously work hard at creating positive habits, your negative habits will start to disappear.   This will help you build confidence and increase your esteem.

 

 

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What happened to common courtesy?

silhouette with stop signI can’t believe how rude people can be.  It seems like everywhere you go, people are rushing to get somewhere and never take the time to show common courtesy.  When you go in a store, people will step right in front of you to go in the door before you.  When you are driving, cars cut you off.  When you are crossing the street, you are taking your life in your hands because some drivers will almost run you down to turn the corner and fly down the street.  Why does everyone have to be in such a hurry?  What is so important that common courtesy is ignored and replaced by rudeness?

Tonight my husband and myself were almost run over by two different drivers who couldn’t wait while we crossed in a cross walk in front of a department store.  They actually had to go into the other lane to pass by us and didn’t slow down or even glance our way as they drove past.   Thank God we weren’t walking faster or we might have been injured!

Of course there are a lot of very nice people in this world that take the time to show kindness and respect for their fellow human beings.   Unfortunately, it seems that more and more people all the time are losing their sense of common courtesy.  I see this a lot in young people and it is because they are not taught how to love and respect people.  It is so important that we teach our children common courtesy and also be a good example to everyone around us.

  • if we model love to others, they will learn to love
  • if we model respect to others, they will learn to respect
  • if we model kindness to others, they will learn to be kind

What kind of role model are you?

 

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Enjoy your day

in cloudToday is a dismal, grey day outside.  The sun is hidden behind the clouds, only peeking out for a few minutes to tease us with its brightness.   It looks cold and my thoughts are confirmed when I open the door to let the dogs out and the fresh, autumn air rushes in.  Wow, it would be a great day just to crawl back into bed and fall asleep under the warm, soft covers.  But no, that would be a waste of a perfectly good day.

The weather affects how we feel, causing our moods to change.   Bright, sunny days make us feel more positive and energetic.  Dark, cloudy or rainy days make us feel more negative and tired.

If bad weather tends to make you feel miserable or depressed and you are tempted to spend the day in bed, try doing something that will help get you moving.  Here are some suggestions:

  • get a clock-radio and set your alarm so it turns on with some lively music
  • sing along with the radio
  • start thinking positive thoughts as you get out of bed (It is going to be a great day, I’m feeling good today)2 dancing
  • jump in the shower and keep singing
  • put on something colourful and comfortable
  • eat a nourishing breakfast
  • read a motivating book or watch an inspirational program on TV while you eat
  • dance around the house and sing along with some music as you get ready for school or work
  • if you don’t work, go out and take a brisk walk
  • invite a friend to join you for some fun
  • keep doing something positive during the day to keep yourself in a positive mood

Enjoy your day!!!  It doesn’t have to be bright and sunny to be an awesome day!

 

 

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Ten secrets to a successful marriage

Bride and groom kissing.Anyone who is married knows how hard it is to have a successful, happy marriage.  It takes a lot of hard work and patience to make any relationship work, especially when you are married and have to spend a lot of time together.  We are all different and we have to accept our differences and work together.  Sadly, many marriages break apart because situations become too difficult and people just give up.

Mitch Temple wrote the following 10 secrets to a successful marriage.  These are taken from Focus on the Family……………

Successful couples are savvy. They read books, attend seminars, browse Web articles and observe other successful couples. However, successful couples will tell you that they also learn by experience – trial and error.   Here are ten principles that will help you create and maintain a successful marriage.   I have learned these from working with and observing hundreds of couples:

1. Happiness is not the most important thing. Everyone wants to be happy, but happiness will come and go. Successful couples learn to intentionally do things that will bring happiness back when life pulls it away.

2. Couples discover the value in just showing up. When things get tough and couples don’t know what to do, they need to hang in there and be there for their spouse. Time has a way of helping couples work things out by providing opportunities to reduce stress and overcome challenges.

3. If you do what you always do, you will get same result. Wise couples have learned that you have to approach problems differently to get different results. Often, minor changes in approach, attitude and actions make the biggest difference in marriage.

4. Your attitude does matter. Changing behavior is important, but so is changing attitudes. Bad attitudes often drive bad feelings and actions.

5. Change your mind, change your marriage. How couples think and what they believe about their spouse affects how they perceive the other. What they expect and how they treat their spouse matters greatly.

6. The grass is greenest where you water it. Successful couples have learned to resist the grass is greener myth – i.e. someone else will make me happy. They have learned to put their energy into making themselves and their marriage better.

7. You can change your marriage by changing yourself. Veteran couples have learned that trying to change their spouse is like trying to push a rope – almost impossible. Often, the only person we can change in our marriage is ourselves.

8. Love is a verb, not just a feeling. Everyday life wears away the “feel good side of marriage.” Feelings, like happiness, will fluctuate. But, real love is based on a couple’s vows of commitment: “For better or for worse” – when it feels good and when it doesn’t.

9. Marriage is often about fighting the battle between your ears. Successful couples have learned to resist holding grudges, bringing up the past and remembering that they married an imperfect person – and so did their spouse.

10. A crisis doesn’t mean the marriage is over. Crises are like storms: loud, scary and dangerous. But to get through a storm you have to keep driving. A crisis can be a new beginning. It’s out of pain that great people and marriages are produced.

 

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Surprised when your child shows violence?

aggressive silhouetteWe should not be surprised when we see children display violence.   Many people allow their children to watch violent acts on TV or play violent video games, let them look at magazines and books that portray violent acts.  Then when they act out aggressively, we wonder why.

Violence is accepted as normal and we are becoming immune to these horrible acts.  When we hear news about killings, terror or atrocities, we don’t get upset or even shed a tear to show that we care.   Watching these violent acts every day is having a negative affect on our children and we don’t even realize how much harm is being caused.  The same goes for children who are allowed to watch sexual acts on TV or see nude pictures in magazines.

What are the results of exposure to violence?  Children:

  • develop fear and anxiety – they see the world as dangerous and unsafe
  • will model violent behaviours and will imitate violent acts
  • will become more aggressive (kicking, hitting, fighting, playing rough) and destructive (breaking things)
  • will become desensitized and lose their sense of empathy – not caring about what happens to other people

The American Psychological Association says that babies as young as 12 months will react to what they see on TV.  The American Association of Pediatrics recommends that children under 2 years of age not watch TV at all and instead should be encouraged to play more interactive activities (talking, playing singing, reading) to promote proper brain development.  Research shows again and again that children who watch violent TV programming will show violent tendencies as adults.

It is the responsibility of parents and caregivers to protect their children from anything that will harm them.   We can’t hide them from the world, but we can give them a solid foundation by raising them in a loving, caring environment.  Help them deal with any anger or aggression in a positive way and teach them what is right.  Be a good example and only watch decent family programming.  Better yet, turn of the TV!

 

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Three kinds of people

There are three kinds of people in the world:  the wills, the won’ts and the can’ts.  The first accomplish everything,  the second oppose everything, the third fail in everything.    ~Eclectic Magazine

What kind of person are you?rubbing head

 

 

 

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Are you a giver or a taker?

In our culture, we are taught to be takers.  Whatever situation we are in, we are supposed to look for what we can gain. Takers expect something in return and are looking for personal satisfaction.  They always ask the question, “What is in it for me?”  If there is nothing to gain, then they don’t want to be bothered.  Takers feel their needs are more important than anyone else’s.  They demand attention and are usually unaware of the needs of other people around them.

Givers are those who are taught to be caring and empathetic.  They want to do things for others and help make their lives better.  Givers look for opportunities to help other people because it is rewarding and makes them feel good.   They pay attention to the needs of others and see the importance of doing good deeds.

Givers are usually more happy and satisfied with their lives than takers.  They are more positive, have a good attitude, are more loving and caring.  Givers are helpful to their family, friends and often contribute to their community.

If you are a taker, you should consider making some positive changes so your life and relationships will improve.  Making changes takes practice and repetition, so you will need to work hard and be patient.  Here are some suggestions:

  • Listen to what other people are saying and try to determine what their needs areHolding Hands with Elderly Patient
  • Treat people with love, respect and kindness
  • Try to communicate in a positive way.
  • Be supportive and let people know that you are there to help them.
  • Focus on the positives instead of the negatives
  • Practice doing acts of kindness
  • Think from your heart instead of your mind
  • Don’t expect people to do things for you, instead, do things for other people
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Except for the turkey

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone today.   Enjoy spending time with your family and friends.   Remember to give thanks for all the wonderful people and things in your life.

I came across this cute video.  Just a bit of Thanksgiving silliness.  Hope you enjoy!

http://youtu.be/sAIbwodgoU8

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