imconfident

I sincerely believe that it is far more beneficial and far less costly to help a child build confidence than it is to fix an adult who has little or none.

What are you wearing today?

lady looking in mirrorThe way we look can have a profound effect on how others see us and also how we see ourselves.  Before going out in the world, ask yourself what kind of image you want others to see.  Remember the statement, ‘A picture is worth a thousand words”.  What kind of picture are you showing to the public by the way you dress?  We should always try to look our best so we show others that we respect ourselves and have confidence.

However, looking our best should not just apply to our outer attire.   How we appear to others includes far more than our clothing, hairstyle and accessories.   We can have outer beauty and look good on the outside but neglect to wear any inner beauty.

When you go out, do you put on a good attitude, a caring manner and a pleasant smile?  Do you show love, compassion and understanding?  Are your words full of kindness and your actions full of respect?   Are you wearing your inner beauty?

We spend so much time worrying about how we look on the outside and trying to impress other people that we often ignore what is going on inside.  We need to work hard at creating a beautiful personality so that our inner beauty will shine through and we can be a good example to others.  This will bring happiness and success to our lives.

What are you wearing today?

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Losing weight the proper way

Don't be overly concerned with your weight.  It's only a number!

Don’t be overly concerned with your weight. It’s only a number!

The ONLY proper way to lose weight is to eat healthy and exercise.  You simply have to burn more calories than you eat.  So if it is that easy, why do so many people continue to diet year after year and never succeed?

There are several reasons.  People today have no patience and want everything instantly.  They want to lose weight in a few weeks or months and won’t commit to any long-term plan.   People will try just about any diet plan that promises a quick fix.  We are brainwashed by a multi-million dollar diet industry that convinces us we can gain friends, fame and fortune just by using their products and services.  Companies are getting richer and we are getting poorer, both financially and emotionally.

Studies show that people who go on weight loss plans are dooming themselves to failure.  Approximately 10% of the people on diets are successful, the rest usually gain back more weight than they have lost.  These are not good odds at all.  If you got sick and your doctor prescribed some medicine, then told you it would probably make you sicker, would you want to take that medicine?  I hope not, that would be very foolish.  Yet, every day people start on diets in the hopes of losing weight, knowing that they will likely fail.

Losing weight takes time and patience.  THERE IS NO FAST WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT!  You have to commit to a long-term plan of action and focus on healthy eating combined with exercise.  You don’t gain weight in a few weeks or months and you can’t lose it in a few weeks or months.

If you want to maintain a healthy weight, it is important that you are realistic and have a positive attitude.

  • Instead of focusing on what you can’t eat, focus on what you can eat and choose healthy foods
  • Exercise daily – it helps burn calories
  • Manage your emotions – when people are upset, they often use food for comfort
  • Be patient – proper weight loss takes time
  • Stop comparing yourselves to others – everyone looks different and that is OK
  • Limit your TV and internet use – people tend to snack in front of a screen
  • Don’t stock your cupboard with junk food – fill them with healthy foods
  • Get family and friends to help support you
  • Treat yourself once in a while – incentives are necessary to keep us focused
  • Don’t beat yourself up if you slip backwards – we are human and we will fail sometimes which is okay as long as we get back on track quickly
  • Build some esteem – it will help you accept yourself just the way you are

Some people use food to help comfort them with past hurts, depression or other issues.  If stressful situation are causing you to gain weight, lose weight or develop an eating disorder, you are not making proper choices and it could be very harmful to your health.  Please see your health professional so they can help get you started on a proper diet.

 

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Are you insecure?

Insecurity is reaching epidemic proportions today especially among women.  Research shows that about 75% of women are insecure about themselves in some way.  Women worry about everything.  We worry about how we look.  We worry what other people will think of us.  We worry that we will fail or look stupid.  We are always looking at other people to see if we measure up.  Men also feel these insecurities, however the percentage is not as high as women.

looking in mirrorWhen you look in the mirror, what do you see?  Flaws and imperfections?  Most of us focus on the negative aspects and fail to see our positive aspects.  Our beliefs about ourselves are rooted in how other people have treated us.  We form an opinion about our worth through other people’s words and actions.  However, this gives other people power over how we feel about ourselves and it does not define who we really are.

We are all born with unique strengths and abilities and we all have value.   When we look in the mirror, we should see someone who is worthy of love.  If we have been treated badly in the past, we need to work hard to overcome our feelings of insecurity and try to build confidence and strong self-esteem.

Feelings of insecurity can be overcome by making positive changes in your life.  This is not easy and it will take time.  You must:

  • commit daily to making changes
  • focus on the positives in your life
  • stop comparing yourself to other people
  • work hard on changing your negative thoughts into positive thoughts
  • be patient, change doesn’t come quickly
  • find people who can support you (trusted family, friends or professionals)
  • never give on yourself

If you have spent the first 20, 30, 40 or 50 years being insecure, you don’t have to feel this way any longer.  Start building some confidence today and soon you will be feeling good about yourself!  I know you can do it because I did!  Visit my website at www.imconfident.com for more information on building esteem.

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Do you sound like a broken record?

record playerYears ago, when we had record players, sometimes the phonograph records would become scratched and stay in the same groove playing the same note over and over again.  This was an annoying and irritating sound that made it impossible to keep listening to the record.   However, it was possible to repair a scratch with certain items including a record cleaning brush and a lot of time and patience.  Most people didn’t know how to fix a record or want to be bothered, so they would just give up and toss it out.

We often sound like broken records, saying things to ourselves that we have heard a long time ago.  Do any of these sound familiar:

  • I’m too stupid to learn anything
  • I’m worthless
  • Nobody likes me
  • I’m a dummy
  • I look like an idiot
  • I’ll never finish school
  • I’m a loser
  • I can’t find a job
  • I’ll always be depressed
  • I’ll never be successful

These are just a few of the things that we might have been told by our parents, our peers, bullies or other people in our lives.  We hear words that hurt us, put us down and make us feel bad.  Then we start telling ourselves these same words and keep repeating them over and over again until they become habit.  These words are not true but we believe them and they become our truth.

We have to realize that what people say to us is from their thoughts and it reflects their thoughts and not the person we are.  People who say hurtful words are hurting themselves and they just want to hurt someone else so they will feel better.  It gives them a temporary feeling of power but it can also be destructive to us if we believe what they say.

If you sound like a broken record and you keep repeating things over and over in your mind years after they have been said, then you need to stop that record and do some repairs.  Ask yourself why you believe these things.  Why is that record still playing in your mind?  Why do you keep hurting yourself?

Start working on creating a new record, one that repeats positive things about yourself.  If you can learn to think negative things about yourself by creating a habit, you can also learn to think positive things about yourself by creating a habit.  Work on some positive statements or affirmations that you can repeat every day until you no longer hear those negative words playing in your mind.   It takes time and patience but if you work hard at becoming positive, it will help build your confidence and increase your esteem.

Do you sound like a broken record?  Do the words sound like this?

  • I always do my best
  • I am a good friend
  • I work hard
  • I like to help others
  • I am a kind person
  • I go the extra mile
  • I like to smile
  • I feel peaceful

 

 

 

 

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A temporary fix

lady with a caulking gunThere are temporary fixes to everything.  A temporary fix to a housing shortage, a broken tooth, a computer repair,  a cracked window, a broken pipe.   We can figure out how to temporarily fix a lot of things, but we know that it won’t last and a proper repair has to eventually be done.

This also applies to our appearance.  The world constantly pressures us to improve our appearance so we continually look for temporary fixes so we can change the way we look.  We try different hair and clothing styles, use a variety of makeups and accessories, try to lose weight, all in the hopes that it will help us look better so people will like us.   Some of us even go as far as having plastic surgery to repair what we think is a major problem.  (Thank God, I never went that route)  Then when people make positive comments about us, we feel good about ourselves and this increases our esteem.

The problem is, a temporary fix to our outer appearance will not have any lasting effects.  We may get a sudden boost in our esteem but it won’t last because we are counting on other people to affirm our value.  When people stop telling us how good we look or paying attention to us, our esteem will quickly disappear.

It is important that we try to look our best but we need to work on our inner appearance and not just our outer appearance.  What we show people by how we talk and act is far more important that how we look.  We need to work at doing a permanent fix to rid ourselves of any insecurities and build some good esteem so we don’t have to resort to temporary fixes that don’t last.

 

 

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Are you an 8 cow wife?

How do you rate yourself as a wife on a scale of 1 (terrible) to 10 (terrific)?  If we have good esteem and feel confident in our abilities, we would probably rate ourselves around a 9 or 10.  If we have low esteem and don’t have much confidence in ourselves, we would probably rate ourselves around a 1 or 2.

Many people tend to rate themselves according to what others think of them instead of looking at their natural abilities, talents and skills.  We see ourselves through the eyes of the world, judging ourselves from a wrong perspective and not really seeing our own unique identity.  If others place a high value on us, we will feel worthy.  If others place a low value on us, we will feel unworthy.8 cows

Cow Wife by Patricia McGerr.  It appeared in the Reader’s Digest in February 1988 and has been circulating since them.   The narrator tells a story about a man called Johnny Lingo who went looking for a wife and ended up paying an exorbitant price for her.   In the island where Johnny found his wife, a marriage arrangement was settled in the payment of cows.  Two or three cows would buy a good wife with average abilities, four or five cows would buy a great wife with amazing qualities and just one cow would buy a wife that was plain and not very good at anything.  However, Johnny paid EIGHT cows for his wife and then took her away to his island.  Was she a real beauty or had special qualities?  No, she was shy, full of fears and insecurities and looked sickly.  So why did Johnny pay so much for his wife?  Johnny knew that the size of the dowry put a value on the women.   The wives who were bought with 4, 5 or even 6 cows would boast about themselves and make the ones who were bought for less to feel bad.  He loved his future wife and wanted her to feel good about herself so he placed a high value on her.   The narrator was curious about Johnny and went to the island where he lived with his new wife.   When he got there, he was surprised to see a beautiful woman.   He asked Johnny why the islanders laughed about him and said his wife was homely.  Johnny replied that she was exactly as they described because she was living down to their expectations, however now that Johnny paid such a high price for her, she was living up to his expectations.  He wanted an 8 cow wife and that is exactly what he got.

When people place a high value on us, we will try to live up to that value.  But when people place a low value on us, we will accept it and live down to that value.  It is really important that we place a high value on our loved ones and keep re-affirming that value, so they will have good confidence and strong self-esteem.

  • Are you an 8 cow wife?
  • Do others place high value on you?
  • Do you place high value on yourself?
  • Do you place high value on others?

Here is the complete story of the 8 cow wife:  http://www.ultimatehusband.com/8cow_wife.html

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the day a scale gave me more than a number.

This is a very well written post about beauty from Erin at There’s a Spirit. Woman all need to be reminded that we are all unique and wonderful just the way we are.

There's a Spirit

Today, I ran across a scale that I found to be pretty incredible. Underneath the top where it would read your weight, it said the words “you are beautiful” in purple script.

Okay, so I’m a total sap. I accept that. But it turns out that I’m the kind of sap that just about sheds a few tears in HEB. Because, honestly, this really stuck me. I think that as women we really need things like this in our lives. Because, if you’re anything like me, you probably forget.

I forget that weight is just a number.

I forget that it’s a number only I can see.

I forget that that pound or two fluctuation that I see in my weight isn’t evident to the human eye.

I forget not to let petty things like a number weigh in on my heart.

And I forget…

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Do you enjoy being yourself?

Cricket Team Holding HandsThis may not be an easy question to answer.  Many people don’t really accept themselves and therefore don’t enjoy being who they are.  Accepting yourself is tough in a world that continues to point out your flaws and imperfections.  All you have to do is turn on the TV or look at a magazine to be told that there is something wrong with you.

Ask yourself the following questions to see if you are accepting of yourself:

  1. Are you happy being with yourself?  People who accept themselves enjoy their own company and can be happy even if they are around others who are critical or unloving.  Negative people don’t make them angry, instead they will feel sorry for them.
  2. Do you live in the present?  People who accept themselves don’t think about all the mistakes they have made in the past or worry about what will happen in the future.  Instead they live in the present and try to be the best person they can be.
  3. Are you confident in your abilities?  People who accept themselves feel good about what they can achieve and don’t feel bad if they can’t do everything as good as other people.
  4. Do you have a positive attitude?  People who accept themselves are a positive influence to other people.
  5. Are you honest and open?  People who accept themselves are very real with other people.  They speak the truth and don’t have to hide anything.
  6. Can you accept a compliment?  People who accept themselves are able to receive love from others in a gracious manner.  They aren’t suspicious of the motives behind the compliment.
  7. Can you laugh at yourself?  People who accept themselves realize they have limitations and weaknesses, but it doesn’t bother them.
  8. Do you take care of your health?  People who accept themselves take care of their physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health.  They understand the importance of refraining from excessive living and will also show compassion towards the needs of others.
  9. Do you set goals and work hard to achieve them?  People who accept themselves know the importance of having goals in life and achieving their dreams.  They value their life and have realistic expectations.
  10. Do you learn from your mistakes and keep moving forward?  People who accept themselves admit that they make mistakes, but don’t give up.  Instead they learn and make appropriate changes so they can keep growing and moving ahead in life.

If you have trouble accepting who you are, try focusing on your strengths and work on becoming more positive.  Surround yourself with positive people, places and things.  Say positive affirmations.  Write your self-talk in a journal and make sure you are saying positive things to yourself.  Read motivational  books, listen to CD’s and watch DVD’s.  Practice positivity every single day and soon it will become a good, new habit.

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Treat others as you want them to treat you

friendsWe all want people to like us and treat us with kindness and respect.   No matter what age we are, being liked and having friends is important and it makes us feel good about ourselves.

Society makes us believe that we have to make drastic changes in the way we look or have flashy, expensive stuff to be popular but what we really need to do is change our attitude and behaviour.

If we want to have friends, we need to treat other people the way that we want them to treat us.  Of course, there will always be people who don’t like us no matter what we do because of personality conflicts, but most people are attracted to a genuinely ‘nice’ person.

Here are some things you can do to increase your chances of being liked:

  • be genuine and sincere
  • have a positive attitude
  • be confident
  • show respect
  • be kind and caring
  • listen more than you talk
  • be a fun and interesting person
  • be reliable
  • don’t gossip or spread rumours

If you want to have friends, you have to be a friend!

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Young women feel compelled to act like porn stars…..

POSTER P32 better sex edI read an article this morning that included the poster above.  The article didn’t really surprise me, but it was shocking none the less.  Every day we are bombarded with images and printed information that promote sex and violence.  When I see these things, they bring out an urge in me to run out into the streets and scream, ENOUGH!

When is society going to realize how much we are damaging the minds of our young people?  Making money is top priority for many people but the health of our children should be top priority.  Children are our future so what is going to happen to our world if we destroy our children?

You can read the rest of the article here ….. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/10282145/NSPCC-Girls-think-they-have-to-act-like-porn-stars-to-be-liked-by-boys.html   There is a link in the article to sign a petition that will try to help update our view on teaching sex education in the schools.

Do you care about what your children are learning?

Do you care what kind of world they grow up in?

Stop ignoring the problems that are growing around you.  It is not okay for children to see and hear these things.  Too many people just accept what is going on and don’t think it will hurt anyone, but it does every day!  Voice your opinion and let’s start actively protecting our children!  What are you waiting for?

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