imconfident

I sincerely believe that it is far more beneficial and far less costly to help a child build confidence than it is to fix an adult who has little or none.

More is NOT always better!

Society tries to make us believe that having more of everything is a good thing.  If we have more money, more possessions and more power then we will have a better life.   If we have more friends, more intimate relationships, eat more and fill our lives with more activity, we will find happiness.  Really?

What is the result of having MORE of everything?  It leads to more depression, more sickness, more loneliness, more stress, more debt, more broken marriages and families, more unwanted pregnancies, more sexual diseases, more addictions and more teens having serious problems that carry on into their adult years.

Money, possessions and power can’t bring us happiness and it can’t mend all the brokenness in the world.  What we need is MORE love, MORE compassion, MORE kindness.  These are things that money can’t buy yet they have a much higher value.

More CAN be better if we put our priorities in the right place and stop listening to the voice of the world telling us how we should live.  We don’t have to follow the crowd and go in the wrong direction.  We need to learn how to listen to our own inner voice and always do what we know is right.   It isn’t easy being a person of integrity in this fallen world, but we can start being a positive example to other people.

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What do you do for fun?

I just watched a video that was very upsetting but didn’t really surprise me.  3 generations were asked the question,  ‘When you were a kid, what did you do for fun?”  Of course, when they asked the younger generation, it applied to what they did for fun right now.  The answers cut right into my heart.  Watch the video and then ask yourself these questions:

  • How does this make me feel?
  • Am I personally allowing my children to develop these behaviours?
  • What can I do to be a better role model?
  • How can I help make positive changes in  my children, grandchildren and other children around me?

 

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To Build (or Break) a Child’s Spirit – by Rachel Macy Stafford

A great post about how to build esteem in a child. We always need to be a positive role model and raise our children with love and respect.

Kindness Blog

To Build (or Break) a Child's Spirit - by Rachel Macy Stafford If you needed to lose weight, what would be most motivating?

You’ve put on some pounds. I’m not buying you any more clothes until you lose weight.

Or:

Let’s take a walk after dinner.
I’ll let you make the salad.
I love you just the way you are, exactly as you are.

If you needed to learn how to swim, what would be most motivating?

I don’t want to hear your crying. Get in the water and swim! Don’t be a baby!

Or:

I’ll be right by your side.
You can do this. If not today, we’ll try again tomorrow.
I love you just the way you are, exactly as you are.

If you needed to practice better hygiene, what would be most motivating?

What is that awful smell? It’s a wonder you have any friends.

Or:

Let’s go to the store and pick out some deodorant.
Your hair smells…

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Teach from the heart

We are all teachers.  Some of us are good teachers, some of us are bad teachers.  We don’t have to go to college or university to become a teacher.  Teaching is something that we do consciously or unconsciously.  Everything we say and do is teaching something to someone.

Parents are always teaching their children through example.   Children are watching and learning from our words and actions.   When they are small, they look up to their parents, older siblings and other adults in their lives and will try to follow their example.   We need to be careful that we are teaching them how to become responsible, caring adults.

We can teach in different ways.

  • We can teach children them by force, demanding that they follow our rules.   This will cause them to have low esteem, feel insecure, be unhappy, develop resentment for authority and possibly become a bully or a controlling adult.
  • We can teach children by allowing them complete freedom to do whatever they want.  This will also cause low esteem and insecurities because they don’t have any boundaries or guidelines.  They won’t know how to make good choices and will struggle as an adult.
  • We can teach children from the heart, showing love and encouragement but also setting reasonable boundaries and using fair discipline.  This builds esteem and a sense of value, leading to a responsible, caring adult.

How are you teaching your children?  By force, allowing them complete freedom or from the heart?  Take a close look at the relationship you have with your children and make sure you are providing them with a positive example.

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Where does low esteem come from?

Studies have shown that low esteem generally is something that is developed from childhood.  Children learn from the people and things around them as they grow.  They interact with their parents, siblings, extended family, neighbours, friends and everyone around them, gathering information and generally copying what they see and hear.  If children grow up in a negative environment, which can include negative attitudes, abuse or neglect, they can develop a negative perspective about life.   Constant negativity conveys the message to children that they have little or no value and this will cause them to have low esteem.  If nothing changes in their environment, they will carry this with them throughout life.

It is important that we take the time to help our children build esteem so they can become responsible adults.   We can do this by:

  1. Becoming a positive role model ourselves.   Use positive self-talk and be confident in your own abilities.  Approach life with a positive perspective so your children will model your words and actions.
  2. Show love and respect to your children and everyone around you.   They will treat others the same way you treat them.
  3. Have reasonable expectations of your children and others.  Allow them to experience failure and support them when they fail.  Help them learn from their mistakes and encourage them to try again.
  4. Listen to your children.  Show them that you care about their thoughts and feelings.  Communicate to them that you are there when they need you.
  5. Set reasonable boundaries and allow your children to have some power over their lives.   Teach them how to make good choices and how to handle consequences when they make bad choices.

Children are not born with esteem.  It is something that they learn.  So make sure you teach them well and help them build good esteem.  The world constantly tries to tear down our esteem and makes us feel bad about ourselves.   Every day we are bombarded with messages telling us that we aren’t good enough.  By getting a strong sense of self before they are bombarded by society’s unrealistic expectations,  they will know that they ARE GOOD ENOUGH!

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I wish I could change…..

If you had the opportunity to change something about yourself, what would that be?   For most people, it would be something about their body.   We are a society that is obsessed with body image.

Standards of beauty have become unattainable, especially for women.  Thanks to the media we are continually bombarded with images of beautiful people who make us feel unacceptable and unworthy.   Even women who are very attractive are under pressure to make changes because they don’t measure up to society’s standards.

Women tend to be more critical of their appearance than men and about 80% of women are unhappy about what they see in the mirror.  Some women even see a distorted image that magnifies their size and all their imperfections.

Dissatisfaction with our appearance leads to dieting and girls as young as age 5 have been known to diet because they feel fat and unattractive.   By the age of 10 research shows that about 40% of girls have dieted and this increases to 80% by the time they reach age 18.   Even girls that are normal or under-weight are dieting because they feel bad about themselves.

Parents who are always looking to make changes in their appearance, who are always dieting or obsessing about their weight, will create feelings of insecurities in their children.  This leads to dieting and other serious issues.

We need to help our children and each other to build a healthy esteem so we can be happy with our own body image.   When we feel confident about ourselves and have healthy habits, we will be a good role model and a positive example to others.  When we lack confidence and have unhealthy habits, we will be a poor role model and a negative example to others.

 

 

 

 

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Our messed up lives

Our messed up lives

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What does it mean to be a good mom?

Parents love your children.   When they become adults and leave home for school, work or marriage, you will wish that you could turn back the clock.  Time is so precious and so are your children!

  • Spend time with them and show them how much you care about them.
  • Surround them with love and support.
  • Encourage them to always do the best they can.
  • Create special memories to hold in their hearts.
  • Help build their confidence
  • Listen to them and show them how valuable they are
  • Teach them solid moral values and guide them to make good decisions
  • Be a positive role model

Here is a video that shows what it means to be a good mom – not a perfect mom, just a good mom!

 

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Do you compare yourself to others?

Comparison can be a dangerous game to play.  When we compare ourselves to others, we are looking at ourselves as deficient in some way and judging ourselves from a negative perspective.

How many young people, especially women, compare themselves to others, believing they are prettier, smarter, more popular, more powerful, more talented?  The answer is>>>>TOO MANY!

  • Young girls compare their clothing, their hair, their body image, their possessions, their achievements and think that other girls are so much better than they are.
  • Young boys compare their style, their athletic ability, their muscles, their skills and think that they fall short of other boys.
  • Even adults compare themselves to other people and believe that they are inferior in some way

Instead of trying to be the best person we can be, we waste our time and energy searching for something that will make us happy and fulfill our dreams.  We live our lives believing the lie that we are just not good enough and who told you this anyway?  Maybe it was a parent who was struggling with their own identity.  Maybe it was a friend who had a mean heart.  Maybe it was something that you were watching on TV or reading in a magazine.  Society is very good at tearing us down and destroying our esteem by encouraging us to play the comparison game.

It is time to STOP comparing yourself to others and START looking at yourself.  Discover your strengths and accept your weaknesses.   Build confidence in your abilities and increase your self-esteem by becoming more positive.

There is nothing to be gained by comparing yourself to someone else unless you are using them as a role model to follow or a positive example.  Be the person you were created to be and use your amazing gifts as best you can.

 

 

 

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What kind of words are you using?

Our words are very powerful.  Even a couple of words can do a lot of good or a lot of harm.  When you communicate with others, what kind of words are you using?  When you communicate with yourself, what kind of words are you using?    We should always be aware of what we are saying and try to use words that are kind and caring.   Be careful with your own words so you can show your children by example how to communicate with love and kindness.   Kindness is very contagious and it is a good habit to develop.

2 boys whispering

 

 

 

 

 

2 kids arguing

 

Words can either:

  • encourage or discourage
  • repair or destroy
  • lift up or put down
  • start a fight or stop a fight
  • heal or hurt
  • put a smile or a frown on someone’s face
  • pacify or anger
  • build up or tear down

What kind of words are you using?

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