imconfident

I sincerely believe that it is far more beneficial and far less costly to help a child build confidence than it is to fix an adult who has little or none.

Stop making those new year’s resolutions

Why do we make New Year’s resolutions?  Because we know that our lives are in chaos, that changes need to be made and deep down we want to be a better person.  The problem is – we don’t keep those resolutions and we slip back into old habits again.  Why does this happen?

When we make a resolution, it is trying to change something that is superficial.  We want to lose weight so we start dieting or exercising.  We want to quit smoking or another bad habit so we promise ourselves that we will stop.  We want to get our houses cleaned up so we try to sort and organize.  We want to stop spending more money than we make and we try to follow a budget.  But this is just the tip of the iceberg.  There is something deeper going on that we should be addressing.  We should ask ourselves why we are doing the thing we don’t want to do.

  • Why are we gaining weight?
  • Why are we smoking?
  • Why are we biting our nails?
  • Why is our house so cluttered?
  • Why do we spend too much money on things we don’t need?
  • Why do we have this bad habit?

We need to check deep inside ourselves and figure out what is causing the problem in the first place.  Is there a relationship issue that needs to be resolved?  Is there an emotional issue that requires professional help?  Do we need an attitude adjustment?  Do we lack the confidence needed to make positive changes?  Do we have supportive people who can give us the push we need to move ahead?

Making change is difficult and we need to understand who we are and why we do the things we do before we can make any lasting changes.  Forget those New Year’s resolutions that you won’t likely keep.  Spend time doing some searching and making positive changes.

 

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Make 2016 a year of fewer regrets

Everyone has regrets.  Being human causes us to say or do things that we wish we hadn’t said or done.  This can cause relationship problems with our families, friends, co-workers and any else we come into contact with.  We have to think carefully before we speak or put our words into actions.  We can also regret NOT saying something to a loved one or NOT doing something that we dreamed about or following a goal.

In different studies, people were asked what their biggest regrets in life were.  Many of these people were older or dying and they all seemed to have similar regrets.  Here are the top five listed:

  1. I wish I hadn’t spent my life trying to live up to other people’s expectations.  We all want other people to like us and we will do our best to fit in even if it takes away our own uniqueness.  We believe the lie that if we make other people happy than we will have lots of friends and be happy.  Our childhood dreams drift away and are forgotten.
  2. I wish I hadn’t worked so much.  We all need to make money so we can survive, but money doesn’t buy happiness.  Working long hours robs people of valuable time they could have spent with their family and friends.  Sadly all the money they accumulated does not replace a close, loving relationship.
  3. I wish I had told people how I felt about them.  Many people try to hide their feelings or don’t know how to show their love to others.  This can send a wrong message to their loved ones that they don’t care which will cause them to go through life feeling unloved, unwanted and unappreciated.
  4. I wish I had worked harder on my relationships.  Life can become so busy that we don’t take the time to keep in touch with family and friends.  Special occasions often get missed because people can’t find the time to get together.  Even families can have so many activities going on, that they rarely share a meal or spend much time together.  As we get older, we have more time, but it may be too late to re-connect with people that we have pushed aside for so long.
  5. I wish that I had made the choice to be happy.  Many of us don’t realize that we have the choice as to whether we will be happy or unhappy.  Of course, life happens and there are situations that will cause us pain and misery.  But even during difficult situations, we still have the choice as to how we can react.  We can remain in our pain and dwell on the negatives in our life or we can deal with the pain and move on with a positive attitude.

The problem is, many people live their lives, not paying attention to the fact that life is passing them by and soon they will have regrets.  Start this new year right, think about what is important in your life and then take action.

  • Work hard, but not so hard that you don’t have time for your loved ones.
  • Live up to your own expectations and follow your dreams.
  • Tell your family and friends how much you care about them.
  • Build strong relationships.
  • Choose to be happy.

Make 2016 a year of fewer regrets!

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What are your goals for this year?

For those of us who have made our new year resolutions, about 35% have already given up after just one month!  It is hard to give up something or set a new habit and as the year progresses, many more fall short of keeping their commitment to making a positive change.  By the end of June almost half of all resolutions are thrown aside!  Then when the new year starts again, new resolutions are made, often the same one by the same people and they end up with the same result…failure.

So why do people make resolutions when we all know that the success rate is low?

  • the new year is the beginning of something and it gives us new hope
  • many people like to stick with tradition
  • we know that change is necessary and we want to better ourselves

Whenever we make a resolution, a promise, a goal or anytime we set out to make a positive change in our lives, we have to focus on the task at hand.  Too many times we think something is a good idea and it may very well be, but we have to think carefully and make specific plans on how we will accomplish the task.   Just deciding on the spur of the moment that we will stop smoking, eat healthy or start a course is probably not going to get us very far.  We have to make a plan of action, write down our thoughts, schedule our time and start moving ahead.  Then we have to be committed to keep going even when things get tough.

One key factor in reaching your goals and resolutions is taking each day at a time.   Focusing on the end result and hoping you will get there by next year can be very overwhelming and difficult to achieve.  Instead focus on reaching your goal each day and then congratulate yourself.  You CAN reach your goal one day at a time!

What are your goals for this year?  If you haven’t made any goals or resolutions yet, no problem.  Any time of year is a good time to start making changes.  Don’t wait any longer.  Start today!

 

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Make promises instead of resolutions

fireworksWhat is a New Year’s resolution?  The MacMillan dictionary states: “a decision that you make on the first day of the year about the things that you intend to do or stop doing during that year”.  Wow, that’s a mouthful!  So a resolution is a decision that you make about things you intend to do or not do.

What is the definition of a decision?  It is the process of making a choice after thinking carefully.  Now in my opinion a decision is something that is not really definite and it can change according to our daily choices.  So if we make a resolution, it isn’t really a firm commitment to doing or not doing anything.

I think I would rather make a promise to myself instead of a resolution.  A promise is, “something that you will definitely do or make happen”.  This sounds like I would be more likely to follow through.

Instead of making resolutions this year, try making some promises to yourself.  Promise to stop doing something that is harming you and promise to start doing something that will help you.  Here are some ideas:

  1. I promise I will stop making excuses and start taking action.
  2. I promise I will stop complaining and start appreciating.
  3. I promise I will stop judging other people and start accepting them as they are.
  4. I promise I will stop thinking about what I don’t have and start being thankful for what I do have.
  5. I promise I will stop comparing myself to others and start liking myself for who I really am.
  6. I promise I will stop blaming others and start taking responsibility for my own actions.
  7. I promise I will stop being afraid and work on becoming confident.
  8. I promise I will stop focusing on the past and start focusing on the present.
  9. I promise I will stop holding onto grudges and start forgiving people who have hurt me.
  10. I promise I will stop thinking negative thoughts and start thinking positive thoughts.
  11. I promise I will stop trying to control other people and start trying to control myself.
  12. I promise I will stop trying live up to other people’s expectations and start living up to my own expectations.
  13. I promise I will stop trying to impress other people and start trying to impress God.
  14. I promise I will stop trying to be perfect and start being the best imperfect person I can be.
  15. I promise I will stop being dependant on other people for my happiness and start being independent.
  16. I promise I will stop trying to live in my self-imposed box and start stepping out into the unknown.
  17. I promise I will stop looking at myself through the eyes of the world and start looking at myself as a unique individual.
  18.  I promise I will stop focusing on my weaknesses and start focusing on my strengths.

Can you add some of your own?  Give it a try and have a Happy New Year.  God bless!

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Counting down to the new year

fireworksOnly one more day left in 2013.  Are you ready for the New Year to begin?  Have you made any resolutions for 2014?

Almost half of American adults make one or more resolutions every year.  One of the most popular resolutions is to lose weight which is done through healthier eating or exercising.  Another popular resolution is stopping a bad habit such as smoking or drinking.   People also try to save money by budgeting and spending less.

The problem with resolutions is that most people get discouraged and give up by the end of March.  Everyone wants things to happen quickly but it takes time and commitment to stop a bad habit or correct a problem.  We gain weight over a period of months and years and then hope to lose it in a few weeks.  Not feasible.  We develop bad habits that are reinforced over a period of months and years and then hope to correct the problem in a few weeks.  Not possible.  We get ourselves into money problems over a period of months and years and hope to become financially secure in a few weeks.   Not realistic.

If we want to change something in our lives, we have to be patient and work hard every day at making positive changes.  We also have to correct the problem that is causing the problem or any changes will only be temporary.

If you are trying to lose weight, ask yourself why.  Is it because of low esteem?  Are you really overweight or are you judging yourself through the eyes of the world?  Maybe weight isn’t the problem and what you need is to build your esteem so you can feel good about who you are and accept your flaws and imperfections.

If you are trying to stop a habit, ask yourself what caused the habit.  Are you depressed, trying to run away from something, trying to mask a painful situation?  Breaking habits is almost impossible to do by yourself.  You need support from others.  Join a group of people who are struggling with the same issue or a faith-based study group so you can deal with the underlying issue.

If you are trying to save money, what is the reason.  If you aren’t in financial distress and just trying to save for a home, car or other investment, then that’s a great idea.  But if you are trying to save because you have maxed out all your credit cards, used up any savings and are getting deeply into debt, then you need to ask yourself what got you into this situation.  Do you have an out-of-control spending problem?  Do you have a family member who is running you into debt? If you have more bills at the end of the month than you have money, you seriously need to contact a financial planner or credit counsellor so you can figure out how to deal with the issue.  Counselling can also help when there is an addiction to spending.

There are many different resolutions that we can make but there is no point making any if we aren’t going to keep them.  Instead of making a resolution, make yourself a promise.  Promises are harder to break than resolutions, especially if you write them down and keep track of them on a daily basis.

Get yourself a journal, day book or calendar and write down your promise or promises every day for one month, then cross it off each day as you keep your promise.  Research shows it takes about 21-30 consecutive days to create a new habit, so this will get you started.  If you are trying to break a bad habit, it will take a lot longer so keep going month by month until you feel like you have your promise under control.

This won’t be easy, but if you really want to do something, set your mind to it, and NEVER give up, you CAN DO IT!    Believe and have faith!

 

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