imconfident

I sincerely believe that it is far more beneficial and far less costly to help a child build confidence than it is to fix an adult who has little or none.

Learn how to fail successfully

on October 20, 2017

We all fail.  This is inevitable.  If we didn’t fail, we wouldn’t be human.  So why do we feel so bad when we fail?

Basically we are programmed to feel bad.  Society makes us think that we need to be perfect in order to succeed in life.   We are led to believe that mistakes are bad and perfection is good.  However, this is wrong.  We are all imperfect and we all make mistakes and there is absolutely nothing wrong with this!

We are taught to value what people think of us more that what we think of ourselves.  Actually we shouldn’t care what people think as long we know that we are being a good person and doing the right thing.  Just try to be a better person today than you were yesterday and stop worrying about what people think.

We are taught that winning is more important than losing.  Well someone has to lose, we can’t all win.  So instead of feeling bad for ourselves when we lose, we should be happy for those who win and congratulate them.  Winning is not all it’s cracked up to be.  People who are obsessed with winning are angry, impatient and unhappy.  What a horrible way to go through life!

We are taught to be the first in line.  Everyone can’t be first so why should the rest of us feel bad?  This is ridiculous.  If you are the 35th person, just be patient and enjoy where you are.   If you studied hard for a test and did your best but just barely passed, don’t feel like you aren’t as good as the ones who got top marks.  There is no shame in doing your best.  Just be proud of your accomplishments and don’t compare yourself to other people.

We are taught that being rejected is bad.  The fact is that someone will always reject you.  It could be a friend, a family member, a boss, maybe someone you don’t even know.  You can’t win the love of everyone in the world so stop letting it make you feel bad.  People are people and they will hurt you.  This doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you and it certainly doesn’t make you a failure.

Many people go through life feeling like a failure because they have faulty beliefs.   They think there is something wrong with them and this isn’t true.  Everyone fails.  This is how we learn.  Mistakes are just opportunities to learn and we can do this with great success if we keep our mind open.

When you feel like a failure, here are 10 things to focus on:

  1. Tell yourself you are NOT a failure.  Stop your thoughts dead in their tracks.  Don’t allow yourself to zone in on those negative thoughts and beliefs.
  2. Challenge your thoughts.  Ask yourself, “Why do I feel like a failure?  Did I do something wrong or did someone tell me I did something wrong?  Where are these thoughts coming from?
  3. Change your focus to positive thoughts.  Negative thinking is a bad habit.  Consciously be aware of what you are saying and change any negative thoughts to positive thoughts.  “I made a mistake this time but I’m going to try harder next time.” “I was wrong but I can do better.”
  4. Take action.  Write down your thoughts and determine what you can do to avoid making the same mistake again.   Make a plan that take you in a different direction.  Create some goals.
  5. Do research.  There are tons of books, articles and videos about successful people who have struggled with failure.  Listen to what they did to overcome the obstacles in their life and try doing what they did to become successful.
  6. Look for the positive people in your life.  The people you hang out with will make a huge impact on your life.  Surround yourself with family and friends who are loving and supportive.  They will help you through your struggles and encourage you to keep going.
  7. Learn lessons from your mistakes.  There is a lesson to be learned from every mistake you made.  You have the choice to stay stuck in your mistakes and feel like a failure or you can move ahead and use that mistake as a learning tool.
  8. Never give up.  Failing doesn’t make you a failure.  Giving up makes you a failure.  So NEVER give up. Every successful person in this world was a failure at some point but they never gave up.   YOU can be that successful failure.  Create your own story of success and share it with others!


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