imconfident

I sincerely believe that it is far more beneficial and far less costly to help a child build confidence than it is to fix an adult who has little or none.

Fight or flight?

on April 8, 2016

In the 1920’s an American physiologist called Walter Cannon came up with a term to describe the chain of reactions in our bodies that help us deal with threatening circumstances.  The term he used was the ‘fight-or-flight response‘ which appropriately explained the need for us to stay and deal with a conflict or run away to safety.  When we are feeling stressed, our nervous system automatically reacts so we are ready to deal with the problem, however, many times this automatic response doesn’t help us resolve the problem and can actually make it worse.

When someone has hurt us we need to stop and look at the situation realistically and reasonably.  Instead of just getting angry and fighting with the person or getting upset and running away, there is a way that might possibly resolve the situation and have a positive outcome.  Really?  We don’t have to let ourselves be controlled by our emotions.  We can stop ourselves from reacting automatically.

In the past, whenever I faced a conflict, I would just allow the ‘fight-or-flight response‘ to kick in.  Did it resolve the conflict?  Of course not.  I decided that resolution would be much better than reaction, so I started to use a different approach.  When a situation arose, I would try to look at things from a different perspective and understand what was causing the problem.  In order to do this I had to face the person, communicate my feelings with them and then forgive them for hurting me.  I call this a face and forgive response’.  It certainly worked a lot better than fighting or running away.  It actually resolved the problem most of the time.

How does it work?  First, stop yourself from reacting immediately – count to 10, take a deep breath.

  • FACE the person by CALMLY starting a conversation that might bring out the reason for their actions
    • ask them if they are having a bad day and why they said or did what they did
    • ask if they are going through something difficult themselves
    • ask if they are under some kind of stress
    • is there anything you can do to help them
    • Tell them that their words or actions hurt you
  • Then FORGIVE them either mentally (to yourself) or verbally tell them if possible

If you can’t remain calm or the other person can’t control their emotions, then walk away and go somewhere until you are both able to carry on a quiet conversation.  NEVER stay in a stressful situation when your emotions are out of control because the result will never be good.

Fighting or running away will never resolve a problem, it will just keep you holding onto it.  Wouldn’t it be better to try to resolve things and have a positive outcome?  Don’t just let your automatic response kick in when you are facing difficulty.  Don’t fight or flee, instead FACE and FORGIVE!

 

 

 

 

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2 responses to “Fight or flight?

  1. Great post! I agree! I write a lot ( and think a lot) about Reaction vs Responding….it is so important to relationships. And well, just in our every day life. I find I have to exercise the conscious choice to respond vs react…often!! 🙂 ‘Thanks so much for sharing!

    • imconfident says:

      Thanks for commenting. I like the idea you mentioned of exercising our choices. Exercise is important both for our mind as well as our bodies! Will have to write a post about that. Have a great day:)

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