imconfident

I sincerely believe that it is far more beneficial and far less costly to help a child build confidence than it is to fix an adult who has little or none.

How to confidently deal with bullies

on November 30, 2015

Being bullied is certainly no fun but there are ways you can confidently deal with bullies and not allow their words or actions to hurt you.  This can be done by completely changing your perspective about the situation and yourself.

When we look at things with a negative perspective, we are expecting to have problems and get hurt.   We believe that people will treat us badly so we live with unrealistic expectations and leave ourselves open to being a target for bullies.  If we want bullies to leave us alone, we have to feel confident about ourselves and be able to counter their attacks.

Ask yourself why you are being bullied.  Is it because you:

  • lack confidence in yourself?
  • present yourself to others as being weak and insecure?
  • stay away from other people and hang out alone?
  • react emotionally when confronted?
  • allow others to treat you badly?

Once you know why you are being targeted, then you can start making positive changes.  Now let’s look at why bullies bully so you can look at the situation with a different perspective.

  • bullies pick on people who they see as being weaker than they are
  • bullies are often victims of violence or abuse themselves and feel powerless over their lives
  • bullies live in negative environments that discourage love, kindness and empathy so they don’t know how to treat people properly
  • bullies are full of fear, insecurity and are often cowards
  • bullies need to feel power over somebody

There is no excuse for the actions of bullies, however if we can understand that they are just acting out because they are hurting themselves we can stop allowing them to hurt us and instead feel sorry for the bully.  There is rarely anything personal going on when a bully hurts you.  It is just because someone has hurt them and they are just looking for someone to dump their pain on.

If you can become confident knowing that the bully is just lashing out at the world and not targeting you specifically, it can make it easier to deal with.  You don’t have to feel bad about their words or actions.  However you should take action, whether they have hurt you emotionally or physically.

When someone bullies you, don’t react in a negative way (crying, running away, saying something back in anger).  Instead do the following:

  • tell yourself that the bully is hurting you because someone has already hurt them and that you don’t have to take it personally
  • stay calm and walk away
  • tell someone you trust about the incident

Never allow another person to hurt you.  If you have done something mean or acted out inappropriately, you might have been responsible for their bullying and you should try to resolve the issue.  However, in most cases, bullying is just the result of someone acting out due their own personal pain and their target is rarely to blame.

 

 

 

 

 

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