I sincerely believe that it is far more beneficial and far less costly to help a child build confidence than it is to fix an adult who has little or none.

Can you love your children too much?

on July 18, 2014

Most people would say no, but in actual fact, you can love your children too much if you don’t understand what love really means.   Some people think that showing love to a child means forcing them to behave through super strict rules and punishments.    Other people think that showing love to a child means never telling them what to do and not punishing them for anything.   Being too strict or too lenient are not good ways to bring up a child and neither way shows a balanced type of love.

Real love is unconditional and it means that we love our children no matter who they are and what they do.  It means that we will do things that may not be very popular, like setting realistic boundaries and enforcing them, because we want them to become responsible adults.  It means that we teach them by example, showing them what kind of person we want them to be.  It means that we encourage and support them through thick and thin.  It means that we spend time with them and try to understand their feelings.

  • Loving a child is not giving them everything they want.  This teaches them to be selfish and they will never be satisfied with what they have.  They will spend their entire life searching for happiness in other people and possessions without any success.
  • Loving a child is not allowing them to do whatever they want.   This teaches them to try and control other people and situations.  They think that everyone should meet their needs and they will likely never find happiness in their relationships.
  • Loving a child is not making their choices for them.  This renders them incapable of making responsible decisions.   They will find difficulty in many life situations.
  • Loving a child is not protecting them from failing.  This stops them from learning from their mistakes and stifles their creativity.   They will stay in comfortable situations and not attempt to risk anything new.
  • Loving a child is not controlling everything they do.  This makes them feel insecure and causes low esteem.   They will fear punishment every time they do something they feel is wrong.

We often parent the way that we have been parented, so we need to ask ourselves a few simple questions:

  1. Did we feel loved by our parents and peers as we grew up?
  2. Are we raising our children with the same methods?
  3. Is there anything we need to change about how we parent?
  4. How can we really show our children how much we love them?

Yes, you can love your children too much if it is not in proper balance and it is not unconditional.




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