I sincerely believe that it is far more beneficial and far less costly to help a child build confidence than it is to fix an adult who has little or none.

Why do people argue and fight?

on March 14, 2014

couple in pj's upsetEvery relationship has its problems.  No two people can get along all the time without having an occasional argument or fighting about something.  It is normal to disagree because we are human and we all see things differently.

Why do people argue and fight?  This is because we want something that we can’t have.

  • We want the other person to agree with us
  • We want the other person to do something for us
  • We want the other person to pay attention to us
  • We want the other person to behave in a certain way
  • We want the other person to feel sorry for us
  • We want the other person to meet our expectations
  • We are afraid of something or someone

Is it healthy to argue and fight?  Yes, because we need to express our emotions.  If we hold everything in side, it can be very damaging to our health.  However, we need to express our emotions in a positive way.

  • try not to let little things add up until they become one huge issue, make a point of discussing any issues on a daily basis
  • if you are already angry and ready to fight, take some time to calm down before you start a discussion
  • if the other person starts an argument, tell them you would like to discuss the matter at a later time when they are calmer
  • don’t bring up any past issues as this will fuel the argument and not resolve anything, only talk about the matter at hand
  • if there are any past issues that are still causing problems for you, make a point of discussing them at a time when both of you are calm, so they can be resolved
  • don’t bring other people into the argument unless it becomes necessary to see a therapist or counsellor
  • don’t interrupt, listen carefully and look at each other

If you fight fairly, a relationship can become stronger.  You will learn more about the other person, understand better how they feel and be able to resolve normal conflict without causing a breakdown in communication and possibly destroying the relationship.  Sometimes we want something so badly that we don’t even realize how harmful conflict can be.

To have a good relationship, it is important that we own our part of the problem.   It is hard to look at ourselves and realize that we expect way too much of others.  We expect other people to make us happy.  We expect other people to give us things that they may not be able to give us, and when they don’t, we blame them for our problems.  Then the fighting starts.

Why do you argue and fight with others?  What is it that you want?





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