I sincerely believe that it is far more beneficial and far less costly to help a child build confidence than it is to fix an adult who has little or none.

Are you winning?

on September 5, 2013

silhouette with trophyMost of us like to be a winner especially if it is noticed by other people.  When we win at playing a game or doing something that receives recognition, it makes us feel important and special.

When we are winning, it gives us a feeling of power and control.   This can be a great feeling unless winning becomes a habit and we are not satisfied with ourselves unless we are always the winner.   When we feel like we have to win at everything, winning becomes the most important goal to us even in small things.

Think about these situations:

  1. If your husband (or anyone) surprises you with reservations at a restaurant for dinner and you would rather go somewhere else, do you get upset and tell him that he doesn’t care about your feelings and that he should have asked you where you wanted to go?
  2. If your wife (or anyone) buys you a birthday gift and you don’t like it, do you tell her that she should know that you don’t like this particular item?
  3. If you are taking with a friend about a movie you watched together last year and she mentions an actor that you don’t remember seeing in the movie, do you argue about who the person was?

Do you stay upset until the person gives in or sees it your way?  Do you feel that you have won?

If you have the need to win all the time and have to get in the last word, you may feel you are winning, but in reality you have won nothing.  All you have accomplished is:

  • hurting the other person
  • maintaining control of the situation
  • kept your bad attitude

Look back at the three situations.  How could you have handled these in a different way?  Think about how you would feel if you were the other person.

  1. The surprise dinner – If you get upset and make negative remarks, will you have a good evening?   Not likely.  It could be a pleasant evening if you make the other person feel like they  have made you happy.  Most restaurants have choices and you can usually find something you like to eat.   Try something new and enjoy!
  2. The birthday gift – It can be hard to find a gift that is suitable for another person.  It is the thought that counts, not the gift itself.  Some people never get gifts at all, so just be thankful someone is thinking about you.  If you get a gift that you don’t particularly want, just thank the person and you can always re-gift it at a later date without the other person even knowing.  Don’t hurt someone’s feelings because you are picky.   Accept gifts with enthusiasm!
  3. The actor – We all remember things in a different way.  Some people have a hard time remembering who a person is and does it really matter?  Are you going to put a strain on your relationship because of a name?

It is hard to let things go when you expect to win all the time.   But winning is not everything, especially if we hurt others in the process.  It is far more important to consider everyone’s feelings and act appropriately.



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