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I sincerely believe that it is far more beneficial and far less costly to help a child build confidence than it is to fix an adult who has little or none.

FEAR False Evidence Appearing Real

Fear is a terrible feeling.   We’ve all experienced it.  Everyone is likely to fear something.   Children are often afraid of the dark or scary monsters.  As we grow into adults we can develop fears of  anything or anybody.

Fear is important as it gives us a response to physical and emotional danger but too often we fear things that are not life-threatening and then fear steals our time and energy.

Most of our problems are linked to fear.  People are afraid of failure, being laughed at, being hurt, being poor, being lonely.  People are afraid of spiders, snakes, mice, wild animals.  I didn’t realize there were so many different types of fears.  People suffer from an endless variety of phobias that seem very strange, but are also very real.  Here are some unusual ones:

  • Porphyrophobia – fear of the colour purpleSignature:baed3687aecc9fc02b05e033f52ab04b5ac34144c6f0702c4e0cfe36f9d34041
  • Chaetophobia – fear of hairy people
  • Odontophobia – fear of teeth
  • Dextrophobia – fear of objects on the right side of the body
  • Nomophobia – fear of being out of mobile phone contact
  • Scopophobia – fear of being looked at
  • Phagophobia – fear of swallowing
  • Alektorophobia – fear of chickens
  • Chionophobia – fear of snow
  • Ergophobia – fear of work
  • Mycrophobia – fear of small things
  • Phobophobia – the fear of being afraid

The only way to get over your fear is to face them head-on, especially if they are causing problems in your life.  When I was a child I had recurring dreams of drowning, so I developed a fear of water and I panicked whenever I went out in a boat or was swimming.  I overcame this fear as an adult by taking swimming lessons – at first I was terrified, but now I am able to go into the water with a minimum of fear.   I have other fears, like a fear of heights and fear of snakes but these are ones that don’t really stop me from living my life.  If your fears are paralyzing or debilitating, you should seek professional help.  Don’t keep running from your fears or stay in bondage for the rest of your life, get some help and learn how to become confident enough to face your fears.

Remember most of your fears are not real at all – they are just False Evidence Appearing Real!  Don’t let your fears control your life!

Some quotes about fear……..

Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death.  ~Unknown

There are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them.  ~Andre Gide

Fear cannot take what you do not give it.  ~Christopher Coan

Fear makes the wolf bigger than he is.  ~German Proverb

He who fears something gives it power over him.  ~Moorish Proverb

 

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An affirmation a day……

#1 cupWe’ve all heard the expression, an apple a day keeps the doctor away, which is good advice although it would take a lot more than an apple to keep you healthy.   Well how about a new expression, an affirmation a day keeps the negativity away?

When was the last time that you said something positive about yourself?   Was it today, yesterday, last week, last year, never?

When other people complement us or give us a pat on the back, it makes us feel really good.  When we can compliment ourselves or pat ourselves on the back, it makes us feel even better because we actually value what we say to ourselves more than what others say.

Every day, we should tell ourselves what a great person we are.   By starting each day with positive statements, we fill up our minds with positive energy which gets us ready to face the day’s challenges.   Saying positive affirmations will reduce stress, get rid of negative thoughts and build our esteem.

Try to think of some positive affirmations and say them every day until they become routine.   Here is an affirmation done in a poem style by Louise Hay.

LOVING TREATMENT

Deep at the centre of my being there is an infinite well of love.

I now allow this love to flow to the surface.

It fills my heart, my body, my mind, my consciousness, my very being, and radiates out from me in all directions and returns to me multiplied.

The more love I use and give, the more I have to give, the supply is endless.

The use of love makes me feel good; it is an expression of my inner joy.

Yes, I love myself, therefore I take loving care of my body.

I lovingly feed it nourishing food and beverages.

I lovingly groom it and dress it and my body lovingly responds to me with vibrant health and energy.

I love myself, therefore I provide for myself a comfortable home, one that fills all my needs and is a pleasure to be in.

I fill the rooms with the vibration of love so that all who enter, myself included, will feel this love and be nourished by it.

I love myself, therefore I work at a job that I truly enjoy doing, one that uses all my talents and abilities, working with and for people that I love and love me, and earning a good income.

I love myself, therefore, I behave in a loving way to all people for I know that which I give out returns to me multiplied.

I only attract loving people in my world for they are a mirror of what I am.

I love myself, therefore I forgive and totally release the past and all past experiences and I am free.

I love myself, therefore I love totally in the now, experiencing each moment as good and knowing that my future is bright, and joyous and secure, for I am a beloved child of the universe and the universe lovingly takes care of me now and forever more.

And so it is.
Louise L. Hay

 

 

 

 

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What are your positive qualities?

We all have positive qualities.  Yet if someone asks us what is positive about ourselves or what we like about ourselves, most of us will have to think very hard.  We can always make a quick list about what is negative about ourselves or what we don’t like.  Why is it so hard to be positive about ourselves?

We are born to be negative minded and we are surrounded by a world that is so negative.  Many of us are brought up in a negative environment, so it’s certainly not easy to be positive.

Its time to start looking at life from a positive perspective.   Stop thinking about all the negative stuff in your life and start thinking about your positive qualities.   Do it right now.  Grab a pen and a piece of paper and start writing.  No excuses!  Having trouble thinking?  Don’t feel bad.  This is not an activity that comes easy to me either, although I have been working hard at being positive as much as I can.

How many positive qualities have you listed?  Try to list at least 5 today.  Stick the paper on your fridge and try to add more as you think of them.Pad of Paper & Pen

Here are my 5 positive qualities for today:

  • caring
  • helpful
  • creative
  • like to learn
  • hard worker

What are your positive qualities?

 

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THE VOICES IN OUR MIND

sad man hands on faceWe all hear voices in our mind. The voices that tell us what to do and who we are. The voices that dictate our words and actions.

What kind of voices do you hear? Are they saying what a wonderful person you are? Or are they telling you how worthless you are?

Growing up we are connected to many different people – our family, our friends, our schoolmates, our co-workers and others in the community. We hear all sorts of comments, both positive and negative. The positive comments make us feel good for a while, but they tend to disappear from our minds. The negative comments make us feel bad and they seem to hang around for a long, long time, sometimes for the rest of our lives. They become bad habits that destroy our happiness and stop us from being successful.

When we hear words like, “you’re stupid, you’re ugly, you’re worthless”, they stick like thorns in our heart and we can’t get rid of them easily. They are often said to us in anger, out of jealousy or just because someone wants to hurt us and they are not true. However, these hurtful words fixate themselves in our minds and we keep repeating them over and over and over again, just like a tape recorder. These voices tell us lies that we start believing and then we live up to our own unrealistic and negative expectations.

When we believe these “lies” about ourselves, it can have a negative affect on everything we do in life. People can lose weight and still hear voices that say they are fat and ugly. People can have great abilities and still hear voices saying that they have no value. We believe more what we say to ourselves than what other people say to us. If we feel worthless, people can tell us that we are terrific, but we won’t believe it because the voices in our mind are telling us that they are wrong. We can try to change, but if we don’t believe in ourselves, we will give up easily. We will stay stuck because we are looking in the mirror at a lie and not the real person inside.

We need to stop listening to these negative voices and start looking at ourselves for who we really are. We need to mentally strip ourselves right down to our roots and discover the real person inside. We need to stop believing lies and believe the truth about who we are. We need to make positive changes in our lives.

How? Here are some suggestions:
* say positive statements to yourself daily (I am a nice person, I have value, I am talented, I do a good job, I live to help people, I am awesome!)
* write positive thoughts in a daily journal (did you smile, do something nice, think something positive)lady smiling2
* hang out with positive people (join a club or group)
* go to positive places (avoid anywhere that makes you feel bad)
* watch happy, funny movies
* read books that inspire you
* exercise
* keep active
* make some realistic goals and work towards them

You do not have to believe the voices in your mind. Always try to stop any negative thoughts from controlling how you feel about yourself. Train yourself to think positively about yourself. YOU CAN DO IT AND YOU OWE IT TO YOURSELF TO TRY!

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Children spell love….T.I.M.E.

This quote by Dr. Anthony P. Witham is so simple yet so profound.

Do we know what our children really want?  We think that our children want toys, electronics or a new bike.  Yet, if you asked a child, they would probably say they wanted to spend time with you.   Children value the time they spend with their parents.  Getting a new toy or video game doesn’t have the same impact as doing something special, like going to the park or grabbing a bite at a favourite restaurant.

Many parents are so busy trying to work, take care of the home and fit in all sorts of various activities that they don’t spend much time with their children who are left to manage their own time.  Often this results in poor relationships between family members and leaves children wondering if they have any value at all.

If you want your children and family to have a close relationship and be happy, spend more time together.    Your children grow up so quickly and they will be gone before you realize how much time has passed by.  Use your time wisely so you will have wonderful memories.Family Playing at the Beach

There are lots of things you can do to build a close relationship with your children:

  • celebrate family events (birthdays, anniversaries)
  • eat meals together and talk about your day
  • go to the park
  • go for ice cream
  • play card games or board games
  • do a hobby together
  • have a bbq
  • go swimming, skating, walking
  • go camping
  • attend church
  • take a vacation
  • go to a movie
  • attend school events

Every day there should be family time set aside for sharing.  Children don’t really care how much money you spend on them unless you have taught them to be greedy.   Instead of filling up your home with worthless stuff, fill your child up with valuable hours of time spent together.   We reap what we sow!  Make a difference in the life of your children!

 

 

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Communication Counts

Businesswoman Ready for Work with Husband In Kitchen.Good communication is really important in a relationship.   When people don’t communicate properly, misunderstandings happen and problems result.  Following is a story that clearly shows the important of effective communication.

A man and his wife had been arguing all night, and as bedtime approached neither was speaking to the other. It was not unusual for the pair to continue this war of silence for two or three days, however, on this occasion the man was concerned; he needed to be awake at 4:30am the next morning to catch an important flight, and being a very heavy sleeper he normally relied on his wife to wake him. Cleverly, so he thought, while his wife was in the bathroom, he wrote on a piece of paper: ‘Please wake me at 4:30am – I have an important flight to catch’. He put the note on his wife’s pillow, then turned over and went to sleep.

The man awoke the next morning and looked at the clock. It was 8:00am. Enraged that he’d missed his flight, he was about to go in search of his errant wife to give her a piece of his mind, when he spotted a hand-written note on his bedside cabinet.  The note said: ‘It’s 4:30am – get up.’

Yes – communication counts!  How do you communicate with others?

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Do you control your emotions, or do your emotions control you?

We all have emotions.   They are part of our lives and we can’t live without them.   The are necessary in helping us communicate effectively with other and helping us make decisions about our behaviour.  However, when our emotions get out of control, they can have a negative affect on us.

When we feel an emotion, we always have a choice as to how we will react.  When someone makes us feel angry, we can get really upset and lash back at them with anger.   I’ve certainly done this on numerous occasions.  But what does this solve besides making us feel bad?   Absolutely nothing!   Instead of reacting instantly, we should stop for a few minutes and consider some important questions.  Remove yourself from the situation if necessary, so you can think before you act.

  • is this person trying to make me angry on purpose?
  • does this person know they are upsetting me?
  • am I understanding what this person is trying to tell me?
  • do I want to be upset and get angry?
  • how can I resolve this in a positive way?

We need to take control of our emotions and be able to react in a positive way.   Allowing our emotions to control us, just leads to frustration and bitterness.

So do you control your emotions, or do your emotions control you?Group of Friends Jumping Together

 

 

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The battle inside

Morning Story and Dilbert

An old Cherokee describes an experience going on inside himself….

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. This same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

 

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Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.

couple in black suitsThis quote was one of many made by Eleanor Roosevelt, the wife of past US President Franklin Roosevelt.  She is telling us that we don’t have to let anyone make us feel bad about ourselves and she is certainly right.  Nobody can make us feel bad unless we let them do so.  

We try very hard to get other people to like us and there is nothing wrong with that.  However, everyone won’t like us.  Stats say that at least 10% of the people we meet will never like us no matter what we do, so we should just be happy with the 90% that will like us.

If you feel that nobody likes you, then it’s time to take a good look at yourself and find out why.   How is your esteem?  Do you like yourself?   If you don’t like yourself, you are radiating a negative feeling to others and it will be hard for them to like you.   I know all too well what happens when you put yourself down.  People don’t like to be around negative people who pull them down and make them feel bad – we like to be around positive people who uplift us and make us feel good.    I’ve learned to look at life from a positive perspective and I always try to be the person that I’d like to be friends with.

There are lots of people in this world who are looking for a friend who has just the abilities and strengths that you have.  Start building confidence in yourself, learn what it takes to be a good friends and always try to be positive.  Here is a poem I came across that explains very well what it takes to be a good friend.

What It Takes To Be A Good Friend

A good friend is always kind, Should always speak their mind, Their compassion should never end, That’s what it takes to be a good friend.
A good friend is there for you, They are real, they are true-blue, Their compassion should never end, That’s what it takes to be a good friend.
A good friend will be there when you marry, A heart full of memories, they will carry, Their compassion should never end, That’s what it takes to be a good friend.
They’ll be there if your father dies, They’ll weep with you when you cry, Their compassion should never end, That’s what it takes to be a good friend.
If a good friend you do find, Make sure they treat you kind, Understanding they shouldn’t lack, And they would never stab you in the back, On top of everything always remember, A best friend is forever.

Brianna Eldridge

 

 

 

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Do you compare yourself to others?

girl with mag glassIt’s human nature to compare ourselves to others and it can help us learn.  However, for many people, it can become an unhealthy habit and they spend their lives trying to change themselves.

We often compare ourselves to those who seem to have everything in life – beauty, possessions, money, lots of friends, great jobs, power, and so on.  What we don’t realize is that many of these ‘lucky’ people are not happy and they are also comparing themselves to others who have more than they do.   It always seems that the more people have, the more they want.  Why?  Because we believe happiness lies in having power, money and possessions.  The problem is we are searching in the wrong places because happiness lies within ourselves.

We are all born different and this is way it is supposed to be.  We are not meant to be the same as everyone else and we should be proud of who we are.  There is nobody in this world that is exactly like us.  We are an original work of art and we are priceless.   We just have to learn to appreciate ourselves.

Society tries to convince us that we should be perfect, but this is impossible in a world that is imperfect.  There is no point even trying to do something that will result in frustration and failure.  Instead we need to accept ourselves as the unique and special person that we are.  Be positive about your strengths and abilities and accept your weaknesses.   What really counts in this life is how you feel about yourself.

Stop comparing yourself to other people and start thinking positively about yourself.  Get involved in some activities that you enjoy and make some good friends.

Start the new year by building some confidence and developing your self-esteem.  Check out my website for information, visual presentations and articles.  You can also order my self-esteem workbook to help you get started on your own personal journey to happiness and success.  Click on our programs/books  www.imconfident.com

Have a confident new year!!

 

 

 

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